We’re not gloating. England rarely even give themselves a chance to choke.

No dramatic knock-outs for England. England exit tournaments quite serenely, moving from ‘performing badly’ to ‘up against it’ then ‘as good as out’ before finally reaching ‘qualification a mathematical impossibility’ - at which point they board a plane looking glum and making weak pronouncements about being ‘a young team’ to anyone who might be listening, which is nobody.

South Africa though? By jove do they know how to get knocked out. By JOVE.

The all-time classic example was the 1999 World Cup semi final against Australia. Next, in the 2003 World Cup, South Africa were set a rain-adjusted target to progress in a group match against Sri Lanka. They reached the score they believed was required and then blocked the final ball. Unfortunately, the score they were on was the score required for a tie - so they were knocked out.

Then there was yesterday’s performance. Even allowing for bowler-friendly conditions, India’s total of 153 was nothing special. However, South Africa generously sacrificed their entire top order instantly, falling to 31-5. At this point they kept it interesting by mounting a fightback and reaching 100. Then, true to form, they fell apart again, losing a further four wickets for just 11 runs.

South Africa failed even to reach the more crucial target of 126 which would have allowed them to remain in the competition on net run rate.

South Africa’s captain, Graeme Smith, was quick to pour scorn on the idea that South Africa had once again choked. He blamed the format of the competition, which isn’t as ludicrous as it sounds. South Africa have won all of their games bar this one, which is a better record than some of the other semi finalists. However, this was the match that counted.

You can’t blame the format for failing to reach 126 and you can’t claim you’re not chokers when every key match is characterised by an unexpectedly zesty lunge towards defeat.

Tags: India, South Africa by King Cricket
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South Africa needed nine off the final over and Lance Klusener - by some way the best batsman in that tournament - belted the first two deliveries for four.

South Africa now needed one to win. The third ball went straight to a fielder, but Allan Donald was already half way down the pitch and would have been run out if Darren Lehmann had hit the stumps.

The fourth wasn’t much of a shot either, but Klusener said ‘yes’. Donald disagreed and didn’t move. As Klusener passed him, Donald realised he had to go, but it was too late. Donald was run out, South Africa were all out, the scores were tied and Australia progressed to the final thanks to an earlier win over South Africa.

If you’re not of a nervous disposition, you could watch the video. We’re neither Australian nor South African and it’s eight years later, but it’s still a little too much for us.

We’d have choked long before the final over.

Tags: Australia, South Africa by King Cricket
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Yuvraj Singh starts the over on 14. He ends it with 50.

Herschelle Gibbs managed six sixes in an over in the 50 over World Cup earlier in the year. His efforts were full-blooded across the line slogs. Yuvraj Singh’s were just timed. Just watch the delicate flick for the second one.

The adrenaline probably helped too, mind.

Tags: India, Yuvraj Singh by King Cricket
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How bloody good are we at saying other people are ace at cricket? We’re really bloody good at it - that’s how bloody good at it we are.

Perhaps it’s because we’ve spent our entire life honing our sense of how much everyone else is better than us. Show us someone and we’ll instantly tell you how they’re better than us.

Yuvraj Singh is better than us because he’s the finest one-day international batsman in the world. He’s better than us because he’s got rare talent, a great eye, unbelievable timing and astonishing power. He’s better than us because he managed to hit six sixes in an over.

The six sixes off poor, hapless Stuart Broad - who became visibly younger with each inevitable blow - formed the unusually brief bulk of his innings of 58 off (count ‘em) 16 balls.

Absolutely stunning and if the Indian public don’t go for Twenty20 now, they never will.

Tags: England, India, Yuvraj Singh by King Cricket
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No headlining effort from us today.

World Cup player to watch, Justin Kemp, hadn’t done a great deal since South Africa’s first match, but yesterday he rediscovered runs. Or boundaries, at any rate.

89 off 56 balls is always handy, but when you’re chasing 154 it pretty much does the trick on its own. Kemp even had the gall to finish the match with a six. It’s what Twenty20’s all about. New Zealand might disagree.
Little did Kemp know, however, that he was merely warming-up the crowd for Yuvraj Singh’s six sixes in an over.

Tags: Justin Kemp, New Zealand, South Africa by King Cricket
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Rob Key’s 91 ball 107 not out happened 12 days ago. It’s taken us this long to find a prominent expert to comment on the innings.

If you’re thinking: ‘Oh no. Not this joke again. This is getting really tired,’ then stop to consider how successful that means Rob Key’s season must have been. And yes, originally it was a joke. We know it seems unlikely now you’ve heard it 50 times. Anyway, on with the “joke”.

One prominent expert was moved to comment:

“That boy’s hundred was the fastest ever in any form of cricket, if I’m not much mistaken. It was also the most runs scored by an individual batsman in any kind of match.

“If I had a pound for every record that ruby-jowled pup broke today I’d be eating foie gras for every meal. At least I would if I didn’t find its production abhorrent and its taste repugnant.

“Perhaps I could treat that man-ball to a serving of his favourite foodstuff. He deserves no less.”

Tags: Rob Key, county cricket by King Cricket
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There’s a difference between being a Twenty20 specialist from county cricket and being an international-standard Twenty20 specialist. If you’re the former, you don’t really qualify for consideration in the latter category. There’s a kind of minimum skill level that’s essential. Ask England.

We mention Misbah-ul-Haq and his handiness for the first time and within a few hours he’s seeing Pakistan home against Australia with a stunning knock of 66 off 42 balls.

Pakistan had fallen to 46-4 after 6.4 overs chasing 165 when Misbah-ul-Haq came to the crease. For some reason Pakistan’s middle order, whoever it may contain, is ever-so-slightly more adept than their top order is incompetent.

In addition to yesterday’s recovery, they’ve come back from 33-3 after 5.5 overs to post 189 against Sri Lanka and 47-4 after 8.5 overs to tie with India on 141.

Wickets are less of an issue in Twenty20 in the sense that it’s fairly unlikely that a side will get bowled out. However, it takes quite an eye to start scoring quickly as soon as you arrive at the crease. It also takes a little of something else to not get flustered as the run-rate rises when your side’s in such a perilous position. Seems like Misbah-ul-Haq’s got the eye as well as the something.

It’s hard to know which statistic is the most useful for Twenty20 batting, but fortunately Misbah-ul-Haq’s top for pretty much all of them. The only batsman with a higher average than his 79 in this tournament is Brendan Taylor (107), but he’s scored fewer runs and at a slower rate.

No-one’s scored more than Misbah-ul-Haq’s tournament total of 158. Mahela Jayawardene has also hit 158 runs, but he’s scored them at a rate of 154.9 runs per hundred balls faced. Misbah-ul-Haq can boast a rate of 159.59 runs per hundred balls and that average of 79 is way above Jayawardene’s 52.66.

Tags: Australia, Misbah-ul-Haq, Pakistan by King Cricket
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How refreshing that an England campaign in an international tournament hasn’t ended in meek capitulation for once.

A quick note of commiseration for The Colossus who didn’t deserve to be on the losing side after ballsily whopping three sixes off three balls when New Zealand were about 40-4. Craig McMillan also deserved better for his 57 off 31 balls.

And on another day, Shane Bond’s final over, the penultimate of the innings, which went for just four runs and featured three wickets (one a run-out) would have justified his inclusion as one of our World Cup players to watch.

Alas for Bond, his good work was undone when the next over began with three sixes off the bat of, ooh, let’s say Chris Schofield, as England ran out winners.

Here’s the now-obligatory Kevin Pietersen victory photo:

We’ve done some solid Photoshop work in order to depict an alternate world where Kevin Pietersen misses a straight one. This is clearly fiction because Kevin Pietersen’s reverse sweep is never anything other than staggeringly effective.

Tags: England, New Zealand by King Cricket
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Shahid Afridi seems to be quite the Twenty20 bowler. As skchai said in the comments: “Perhaps that is another aspect of his “Afridiness” - he is only effective bowling to other Afridis (not the members of his Pashtun clan, but rather players who play like him).”

Perhaps the ‘what would I do?’ approach to getting inside the batsman’s head is a major factor in his success - he took 3-18 as Pakistan beat Sri Lanka yesterday.

There’s also his unique bowling style. The shorter the format, the weirder the bowling required it seems. That seems to be the general consensus in international cricket. One over to go? ‘Bowl something weird,’ they all shout. ‘That’ll surprise them’.

80mph leg breaks are pretty weird.

We’re still siding with Pakistan as our tip for the tournament. A limp performance against India has been offset by a realisation. Pakistan’s plethora of all-rounders means they can afford to pick a specialist batsman to bat at eight. Yesterday it was Misbah-ul-Haq who’s got the rare distinction of having scored a Twenty20 hundred. Handy.

Tags: Pakistan, Shahid Afridi by King Cricket
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To continue our superlative Twenty20 World Cup coverage in the manner that’s increasingly fitting…

England thrashed South Africa, easily chasing down an eminently reachable target and they certainly don’t need to win the next two games in order to stay in the competition.

Kevin Pietersen’s run out didn’t look this bad:

He certainly had a bat and he most definitely didn’t lose it after running straight into a more-than-visible Shaun Pollock in the middle of the pitch.

In another match, Brett Lee failed to take a hat trick when all three deliveries failed to result in a wicket.

Tags: England, South Africa by King Cricket
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