2013 County Championship – chapter five

You should probably stop paying attention to the section at the end of these posts where we tell you what’s happening in the coming week. Last week we said the top four teams were all playing in matches starting on Wednesday. Turns out only one match started that day and that’s far from being the first mistake we’ve made.

It probably doesn’t help that we write this at a time of night when our eyes have grown foggy from drink, curry and weekend.

1st – Middlesex

It seems that Middlesex drew with Warwickshire, but who can honestly be certain of that? If we’ve got our dates right and this match really did take place, then it seems that Sam Robson may have made a double hundred and Tim Murtagh may have taken 5-85. But don’t quote us on that. We just wrote ‘5-85’ as ‘5085’ because we forgot to press the shift key. That’s how we’re operating here. Anything could happen. We could spell ‘anything’ with two Gs or we could write ‘would’ instead of ‘write’ in this very sentence. Both of those things actually happened. These are the mistakes we’re picking up, but Lord knows what we’re missing.

2nd – Durham

Durham are probably still playing Surrey. Surely we should cover that next week? Incidentally, we really have to take issue with Surrey players referring to the county as “The ‘Rey.” It’s not cool. It sounds stupid. Sometimes you just have to accept that abbreviation is not an option. Also, they’re setting an unacceptable precedent for Sussex.

3rd – Yorkshire

They drew with Somerset in the match in which Adil Rashid made 180. Tim Bresnan and Jack Brooks took wickets.

The next chapter

Here’s where things get really shaky. There’s something about future dates which we really can’t get our head around. There’s a chance that Middlesex are away at Somerset and that Yorkshire are away at Warwickshire and that both matches start on Wednesday, but frankly anything could happen.

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22 Appeals

  1. Why does Surrey’s idiotic abbreviation, “The Rey” set an unacceptable precedent specifically for Sussex?

    What about Essex and Middlesex?

    That was a sexist remark, KC, singling out Sussex.

    If you did the same with the Shire counties you’d no doubt have Nigel Farage on your case.

    Of course, Nigel Farage went to Dulwich College, as did Chris Jordan, who has just switched from “The Rey” to Sussex.

    I rest your case.

  2. “This man was a
    GOLFING LEGEND.
    So why have you not heard of him?
    Click here to find more:
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    It’s been a while since we talked advertisements here.

    • I’m getting life insurance adverts which (as a spry* 22-year old) I only ever get at King Cricket, suggesting either that the demographic KC appeals to is around 40 years my senior, or that KC deliberately goes out of his way to make his audience fearful for their lives.

      *ish

    • ‘Meet Muslim Singles’…

  3. It’s not the ‘Rey that’s the real problem or change this season. Stupid as it is, it’s been around for ages – “Come on the ‘Rey” and all that.

    The real problem is the club’s decision to change this season to use the hashtag #wearetherey in heavy-handed branded fashion on virtually every tweet. You can tell somebody held meetings about it, their social media policy document was changed and it is being complied with.

    I suppose we are lucky that they haven’t stuck kia in the middle of it. Yet.

    • Oh God. I feel a bit sick.

    • Spaces between words have been around for a long time, decades at least, and can be of tremendous use. Ernst & Young might sponsor a lot of things, but clothing made of volatile chemicals are surely a bad idea. I’m not even sure ether is a thing you can wear.

    • Comeon,Bert.Spacesbetweenwordsareso2012.

      #so2012

    • There are many organic compounds in the family of ethers, Bert.

      Polyethylene Glycol, for example, is widely used in cosmetics:

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyethylene_glycol

      Hence, I should imagine, “wear ether”.

      Polyethylene Glycol is also used in laxatives.

      #runsatlast #wearether #ingestether

  4. Is it pronounced “The Ree” (like the woman in the first series of The Killing” or “The Ray” (like Winstone)?

    • Wasn’t the woman in the first series of The Killing called Nana Birk Larsen?

      Unless you’re watching the American version. In which case please leave immediately.

    • Wrong woman. Troels the politician’s advisor/girlfriend. American version? Pah!

    • Oh yeah, I remember. Sort of. My brain gets mixed up between The Killing, The Bridge and Borgen. It doesn’t help that some of the same actors appear in more than one of them.

  5. 1. Rod Stewart released the single “You Wear it Well” in 1972.
    2. The year before, “(I Know I’m) Losing You” was a double A-Side single off the album “Every Picture Tells a Story”.
    3. “… Losing You” was a cover version, the original being recorded by the Temptations.
    4. The Temptations version was produced by Smokey Robinson. 5. “Smokey Robinson” is street slang for ether in certain parts of Eastern Europe.

    I’m pretty certain, based on all the above, that when Rod croons “you wear it well”, the it that he refers to is really ether.

    (Some of the statements above might not be true, but in the spirit of these County Championship roundups, I hardly think that matters.)

  6. Despite being a Surrey fan, “The Rey” has always been nauseating. Thus, you can imagine my (lack of) delight at the fact that now it’s used by the entire club, and not just by the ultras sat at the back of the Peter May stand.

    Unless the ultras sat at the back of the Peter May stand now run the club, I can’t understand how anyone could think that #wearetherey was a good idea. I’d rather we changed our name to the “Surrey Wankers” and at least then we couldn’t be accused of dodging the issue.

    • Surrey have ‘Ultras’? Fascists in cricket? Unthinkable. I thought everyone who went to the Oval was John Major.

    • The last time I sat in the Peter May stand was 9 May 2009 – one of the most exciting days of County Championship cricket Daisy and I have ever witnessed:

      http://www.espncricinfo.com/countycricket2009/engine/match/382995.html

      I don’t recall much if any “ultra” behaviour, although supporters did understandably get quite animated as the match progressed to its enthralling conclusion.

      Indeed, the one memorable thing about the Peter May Stand regulars was one female Surrey supporter who complained very vocally to the stewards about her own fellow supporters making noise. “We come here for a quiet day out”, she complained, “tell them all to stop making noise.”

      Sorry, KC, to speak in such positive tones about a second division match, but it truly was a corker.

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