Australia could get better or they could get worse

Ricky Ponting sets an 'innovative' field

Don’t come to this website if you don’t prefer inconclusive grey to black or white certainty.

Australia’s batting could certainly get better. At the minute, England will feel like dismissing Mike Hussey for under 50 would win them the series, so there’s room for improvement there from Australia’s perspective. Their bowling could get worse though.

Is anyone banking on Mitchell Johnson swinging the ball in the next match? That was the good bowling at the WACA, because England’s second innings was more like well-exploited bad batting, which can be addressed more easily by the tourists.

More interestingly, what if the Melbourne pitch demands a spinner? Australia’s attack would presumably then feature Michael Beer. Beer has played seven matches in his life and would find himself playing with the weight of the Ashes on his shoulders.

The literal weight of the Ashes would trouble no-one of course, but 60,000 or more fans packed inside the MCG would be a pretty obvious symbol of the metaphorical weight. In that position, Beer might well shit his pants – the literal meaning a distinct possibility.

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28 Appeals

  1. Ricky Ponting hasn’t done anything in the series so far so maybe just maybe a double century is on the cards in Melbourne.

  2. The shitting will probably only be done by England, who are noted for it under stress. 25 years of shitting themselves while playing against Australia, with only temporary lapses, does not go away overnight.

  3. steve you are a dick.

  4. KC, I think you might be wrong.

    For Australia: Hussey, Watson, Haddin.
    For England: Cook, strauss, Peitersen, Bell.

    So Bell is all that stands between Austraia and the Ashes.
    Given Australia bowl decently for the remaining two test matches.

  5. Surely it’s more likely Beer would piss himself, no?

  6. Steady on, Pavan. It’s just that Steve can only have been watching DVDs from 2000 – 2006, and can’t have watched a lot of cricket in the last four years.

    Australia took a hammering in Adelaide, actually a worse result than this one, and then they won the next test easily. Just to prove that that is not a purely Australian trait, England did exactly the same at Headingly and The Oval last summer. It’s as we all thought before the series started – there isn’t a huge amount between these two sides, and England don’t have that mental fragility that marked them out in the 90s.

    Where I think England has the edge is in what KC has been saying for a few weeks now. The method of winning a test match on Australia’s flat pitches was to score several million runs and then give the ball to bowlers who could take wickets on any pitch, using breathtaking accuracy and phenomenal spin. Nobody but Australia had these bowlers, so Australia won. On pitches that offered something for the bowlers the other teams had a chance.

    In this series it is Australia who have needed the pitch to come and help. On the flat track in Adelaide England’s bowlers were the more likely to get wickets using accuracy and spin (note the dropping of the superlatives). I don’t know how easy it will be, but unless they can prepare active pitches at the M & S CGs I think they’ll lose (or at least be unable to win).

    There’ll be a call soon from the Aussies to have Duke balls used in home series.

  7. If Beer can’t take 5 wickets at Melbourne,he will be bitter.

  8. King Cricket

    December 20, 2010 at 12:26 pm

    Five wickets from beer would be a stout performance.

  9. Hopefully he will be pale and ailing but then they could bring back Hauritz and give us a mild frisson of fear.

  10. If Beer remains 12th man, I suppose that will make him a porter. Apologies to him for for the mild insult.

    But what makes you so sure that Australia could get better or could get worse. KC? Why couldn’t they simply remain the same, whatever that might be? How come you’re so sure of yourself all of a sudden, KC?

  11. King Cricket

    December 20, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    We didn’t rule out the status quo. Ruling out the status quo would be mental.

  12. I am glad to see people piling on the beer puns after admirable restraint over the last two weeks.

  13. Beer puns? Didn’t firkin notice, DC, to tell the truth.

  14. King Cricket

    December 20, 2010 at 2:06 pm

    Stop getting sidetracked. We’re trying to establish whether Beer will put in a stella performance at the MCG or not.

  15. Groan… a batting collapse from England like those of the past. Still, all to play for starting Boxing day

  16. So stella they will coronate him.

    I am ashamed.

  17. Let this be known – Cook is a fraud, any team that let’s him score runs against them should be ashamed of themselves.

  18. I absolutely swear I did not type that apostrophe. This is a conspiracy.

  19. everything pints towards beer playing a staropramen role to overcome the london pride.

    he must avoid long hops, cut down on the leg ciders and aim for some keg befores.

  20. Thanks to sam, mine is not the worst pun on this page.

  21. Berr will go for fulller deliveries.

  22. I mean Beer will go for fuller deliveries.
    Haven’t touch a drop since last night,honestly.

  23. Last night must have been some night, V.

  24. I was going to go to the Melbourne test.

    But my flight has been cancelled.

    *cries*

  25. King Cricket

    December 20, 2010 at 7:25 pm

    You do not have good luck with travel. No chance of another flight?

  26. Oh no, Miriam. That’s awful. I’m very sorry for you. Is there some chance of it being sorted out? You’d think they’d pull out all the stops for someone with an Ashes ticket.

  27. I baked you a cookie

    But I’m afraid I eated it.

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