Andre Nel

Andre Nel – Surrey not South Africa

We’re never a fan of international cricketers retiring to seek their fortune in the county game. It seems so backwards. We’re especially displeased when it’s a cricketer like Andre Nel who’s been so important in our life.

Andre Nel taught us that, in life, it doesn’t matter how bumbling and unathletic your run-up is. As long as you brain your boyhood heroes with bouncers and burst into tears immediately afterwards, that’s all that matters.

He taught us that it doesn’t matter if you have a demented alter ego called Gunther who lives in the mountains who doesn’t get enough oxygen to the brain. As long as you attract strange comments that seem to refer to your manhood, you’ll go a long way.

He taught us that it doesn’t matter what onlookers say to you, as long as you use crude and abusive language right back at them, you can get banned from domestic cricket for a period of time.

And at the end of the day, isn’t that what life’s about? Being ineligible for selection for the remaining two matches of the season?

More Andre Nel depravity

What is it with Andre Nel and this sort of quote? If he’s not saying it himself, someone else is saying it about him.

South Africa coach, Mickey Arthur, said: “Any time Andre plays for South Africa he’s fired up. I can’t wait to see him bowl hard.”

It doesn’t bear thinking about – and you most definitely shouldn’t conjur up the mental image.

As a form of discouragement, we should probably offer some sort of prize to anyone who doesn’t use the phrase ‘rhythmically swaying with each step’ in their comment. But it’s kind of pointless being as we’ve already written the unthinkable in suggesting that preventive measure.

At least we’ve saved ‘proud member of the South African team’ for you to use… Oh.

Andre Nel has a request

Flex your typing fingers. Get them good and supple. You have quite simply GOT to have some comments about this quote from Andre Nel:

“When the fans go hard and abuse you, I love that.”

That’s a direct quote from a BBC interview. Apparently he said it ‘with a glint in his eye’.