< 1 minute read There’s no need to make comparisons or to try and find something even less interesting. Let’s just appreciate these words for their exquisite emptiness and leave it there. There’s been a lot going on with Warner. He’s been in strife, he’s been punished, he’s claimed his behaviour contributed to Mickey
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Semi-effective Australian plan SHOCKER
< 1 minute read Okay, brace yourselves for this. Something Australia have tried to do has kind of half-worked. David Warner was dispatched to Africa to become a non-rubbish number four batsman and has just scored 193 against South Africa A. They were 46-2 when he arrived at the crease as well, so it’s
Continue readingHigh horses and salvation
< 1 minute read No matter how wobbly the opposition appears to be, you shouldn’t gloat too enthusiastically two matches into a five-match series – you need to pace yourself, if nothing else. We’re finding ourself a little bit overwhelmed by the ferocity of the post-Lord’s vivisection. Aussies are tearing strips off their team,
Continue readingAustralia fight with their last breath having misused all previous lung work
< 1 minute read It’s probably not quite right to say that Australia again fought to the final wicket. It’s more that they fought for the final wicket, which isn’t quite so impressive. We’ve also got a suspicion that England are deliberately manufacturing embarrassing 10th wicket partnership statistics with which the Aussie batsmen can
Continue readingJoe Root watches the pitch get all knackered-up
2 minute read We’re never sure what to say about declaration batting. It can be hard to watch as the tension is minimal. Even so, it serves important purposes. Bat for a long time and you get a good view of the opposition bowling. You also sap it of strength. Even if there
Continue readingFatties in a tug o’ war team
2 minute read Trying to assess the quality of the bowling or the helpfulness of the conditions in this Test is like trying to gauge the contribution of the skinny guy in a tug o’ war team. There may well be something remarkable going on, but the impact’s entirely dwarfed by the efforts
Continue readingIan Bell is the meat in a balls-up sandwich
< 1 minute read We normally look forward to Steven Smith turning his arm over. This is partly because of his bowling action, but also because for the most part he’s rubbish. If Smith takes three wickets, this is officially what is known as ‘a balls-up’ on the part of the batting team. The
Continue readingJames Pattinson’s vanity not readily apparent
< 1 minute read We’ve implied many times that Australia’s team is currently weaker than in years gone by primarily because of the rich vein of hairless metrosexuality running through it. However, we were quite surprised to learn that James Pattinson is as guilty of this as anyone. Michael Clarke recently said: “If James
Continue readingWhy it’s no surprise that Michael Clarke and Shane Watson hate each other
< 1 minute read Legal documents associated with Mickey Arthur’s ludicrous AUD 4 million compensation claim against Cricket Australia are said to detail deeply felt emnity between Michael Clarke and Shane Watson. This is, apparently, news. A fairly large proportion of the Australian population has always hated Michael Clarke, seeing him as an image-conscious
Continue readingAustralia bat all the way down to number 11
< 1 minute read Their problem is that they don’t bat all the way up to number one. The lower order punches above its weight. The tail frequently wags. It’s the rest of the dog that is sick and lifeless. Lower order resilience can be undervalued – or used as a stick with which
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