Samit Patel

Samit Patel makes a commitment

It would seem that Samit Patel is fully committed to maintaining his lardy physique.

As Andy Flower said:

“He was chosen on the condition that he would improve his physical state to be in consideration for this squad of 15. He hasn’t done that.”

Good work, Samit. That’s commitment. Don’t let a World Cup place deter you from your ultimate goal of ‘remaining pretty fat’.

It reminds us of when Mark Cosgrove was told he could get as fat as he liked until it got ‘ridiculous’. Only it’s better than that, because Samit is more of a maverick.

Samit doesn’t have express approval to do this to himself, but he’s doing it anyway. Hang the consequences. Living the dream.

Samit Patel looks to Darren Lehmann for help

Everyone needs a role model and with Samit Patel’s weight issues, who better to turn to than Mark Cosgrove’s mentor. Samit Patel is heading to Darren Lehmann’s cricket academy in a bid to get in shape for next season.

Other places Samit considered suitable:

• Bed
• The settee
• A bakery

Samit Patel in ‘unacceptable level of fitness’ shocker

The ECB have released a statement announcing that Samit Patel has been dropped from England’s one-day squad. We’ll paraphrase for you:

Samit Patel is fat.

We’re glad our employers don’t make press releases about the personal flaws that affect our work.

It would be disconcerting to open a newspaper and find an article about how we only ever put in the bare minimum effort and frequently waste time daydreaming about flamingos playing Connect 4.