Extras

You have the right to question Aleem Dar

But it isn’t recommended.

At the Rose Bowl yesterday, Andrew Strauss opted to review a possible edge. This was a ridiculous decision. Not because Paranavitana hadn’t nicked it (he had), but because if Aleem Dar couldn’t detect an edge with certainty, technology certainly wouldn’t be up to the task.

The man is inhumanly competent as an umpire. Doubtless the ICC keep a record of how many times each umpire’s decisions have been overturned following a review, but do they also keep a record of how many have been wasted? To question Aleem Dar is to dash a review against the rocks of his good judgement.

He stands there for six hours a day, watching every ball of a Test match and he gets virtually everything right. The man’s concentration puts Alastair Cook’s to shame and he judges line and length better than Sachin Tendulkar.

Here’s a rule for international captains: Don’t review anything at Aleem Dar’s end.

If the ICC are looking for technology to improve the standard of umpiring, they should fund research aimed at cloning Aleem Dar.

Some players won’t get to play a Test at Lord’s – who cares?

The West Indies won’t be playing at Lord’s in 2012. Forget the rights and wrongs of Cardiff being the beneficiary, the issue here relates to the accessibility of live Test cricket.

Cricket matches aren’t played for the benefit of the players. They’re played for spectators. As such, it makes little sense to play half the year’s Test matches in one town, which is what would be happening were Lord’s to be given two Tests in 2012.

Something had to give. Either Lord’s got one Test or the Oval didn’t get one at all. We have no real preference, because we won’t be making a trip to either ground.

MCC are in high dudgeon about this, but as a general rule of thumb, if someone wearing a blazer is upset about a decision, it is correct.

Chuck Fleetwood-Smiths hit Cricinfo

We have to plug the Chuck Fleetwood-Smiths (Jarrod Kimber and Sam Collins, formerly Two Pricks at the Ashes) because Jarrod wore our T-shirt yesterday.

We had an extended discussion about Jarrod’s mooted attire earlier in the week, during which we told him about the time a friend had seen us in a King Cricket T-shirt drinking from a King Cricket mug and had felt moved to call us a rude name.

Jarrod being Jarrod, he thought our self-branding was perfectly acceptable. He said he had once gone to meet his fellow Chuck wearing a Cricket With Balls T-shirt and a Cricket With Balls cap.

We pointed out that Craig White had always worn whites and no-one had ever had a problem with that. We both then agreed that neither of us was a colossal egotist and nor should we feel ashamed of ourselves.

Anyway, the Chuck Fleetwood-Smiths. We will plug them by saying that their first episode for Cricinfo was the worst they’ve ever done, which is a compliment because it’s still good. They just talk about cricket too much, that’s all.

Should they get the boot from Cricinfo, you will be able to find them at their website, which is so perfectly fit-for-purpose we felt moved to create a Word document detailing its strengths which we then sent to Sam, who we suspect was rather nonplussed by this unsolicited review.

Batter or batsman? | Fielder or fieldsman?

Do you have strong feelings about this? Here at King Cricket we favour ‘batsman’ and ‘fielder’.

Why ‘batsman’?

The word ‘batter’ has plenty of meanings. It doesn’t need any more. Batter is what you dip a fish in before you fry it. Batter is what people do to you if you look at their pint funny. Also, baseball has batters and baseball is from the United States.

Why ‘fielder’?

Not sure. Because it’s slightly shorter maybe? It doesn’t really have any other meanings. Maybe that’s all it is.

Why not ‘bowlsman’?

Indeed, why not? We might start using this word.

Floodlit Test cricket – angry or amazed?

Amazed.

While looking for an image to accompany this post, we discovered that we’d already covered this subject once before. Still, that never normally stops us, so let’s plough on.

Give the people what they want

That seems a sensible way to market your sport.

In England, people don’t particularly want night matches. They want a day in the sun/permafrost, so give them that.

In other countries, they want to watch cricket in the evenings when it’s cooler, so give them that.

The other argument against day-night Test cricket is that conditions change when the lights go on, but really that’s the point of Test cricket. It’s about adapting to different conditions, whether result from the pitch, the sky, the continent or the time of day.

At some grounds, dew will be too much of a factor. So don’t play day-night matches there.

The Cricketer website

As a colossal nerd whose interests include cricket and the internet, we’re interested to know what you think about the newly launched The Cricketer website.

It’s the bastard offspring of The Wisden Cricketer and Test Match Extra. The latter you might not have heard of because it looked pretty hideous and no-one read it.

We can see one thing that is massively, massively wrong with the look of this new site. See if you can spot what it is.

Some would say it’s a minor detail. We’d say it’s like looking at the sibling of a famous person – there’s just something fundamentally wrong about their appearance and you’re never going to learn to overlook it.

One-day internationals don’t matter

The World Cup matters – let’s clarify that first of all – but other one-day international (ODI) series don’t.

That is a new, official King Cricket editorial stance.

Why ODIs don’t matter

Between squad rotation, experimentation, dead rubbers and lack of interest from fans and players, we no longer see the average ODI as being an international cricket fixture. Writing about them as such maintains the illusion and amounts to tacit acceptance of scheduling that we believe is wrong.

The fans and the media fuel the game and therefore ODI coverage supports what we see as an unacceptable situation. While posts on this website form an almost unimaginably minuscule part of that media coverage, why be a hypocrite?

We have nothing against the ODI format. This is all about the needlessly congested fixture list and the majority of this applies equally to Twenty20 internationals.

What happens next?

It’s not that we’ll ignore ODIs. It’s just that they don’t matter.

If there is a one-day series before a Test series, it helps build the narrative for the matches that do matter – the Tests. Those ODIs have merit in that they support the Tests, setting the scene, providing intrigue. They are like warm-up matches. That’s how we’ll treat them.

If there is a one-day series after a Test series, we really will struggle. These matches might be of interest in terms of setting the scene for the only ODIs that do matter – World Cup matches – or they might offer a chance to look at a new player who might go on to play proper international matches. That’s all though. We can’t imagine they’ll get much attention.

For us, an international cricket match has to be special; it has to be an event. You can’t have an event every day and this is our way of taking a stand.

Out of the Ashes salt in the wounds update

These people didn’t win, either because they were too late or in Ireland. We liked their entries though.

We asked people to name a non-Test playing nation and say how they’d get them to the 2015 World Cup.

V | Finland

Finland should definitely be on the list. As there is 24 hour daylight in summer, we could have one-dayers round the clock. The World Cup could be sorted in less than a week. As there is a high rate of suicide and alcohol problems in Finland, 24 hour cricket will either reduce the rate or double it.

ClubDave | Cornwall

I’d get Cornwall to the cup by changing players’ names to Pasty (worked for Pasty Harris), relocating the event to Truro then charging visiting teams £12.30 a day parking (funds recycled to Bermuda short kits/pasties/momentum), finally recruiting Cornishman Rick Stein to give team talks about the wealth of proud Cornish cricket talent and the terrible thought that we’re sending all our best cricketers to overseas Twenty20.

Cathal | Italy

Appoint Berlusconi as Head of Italian Cricket. Watch as the cream of ODI talent around the world discover an Italian link in their heritage and declare for Italy, foaming at the mouth with the prospect of ‘bunga bunga’ parties.

Out of the Ashes DVD winners 6-10

Here are the other winning entries to the Out of the Ashes DVD competition. Everyone else who wants a copy will have to pay money for a copy.

We asked people to name a non-Test playing nation and say how they’d get them to the 2015 World Cup.

Sarah, Canterbury | France

By pink plane.

Tom | Italy

Despite being part-timers, there’d be no issues with getting time off work due to the level of incompetence involved with any Italian establishment – “eh, eh, eh, Mario, you toucha my daughter I slappa your face-a” etc. – and I’m sure if they didn’t qualify on cricketing ability, they could cook up a mean red wine risotto to convince the ICC.

Phil | Mexico

I would use Top Gear to get Mexico to the World Cup. Balls disguised as Richard Hammond’s tiny head would inspire batsmen to hit boundary after boundary while stumps made to resemble Jeremy Clarkson bending over would give bowlers that crucial ‘extra yard of pace’ that comes through sheer rage.

GT | Germany

By encouraging an invasion of Holland by pointing out to the Germans that Dutch immigrants have taken a lot of their jobs, they speak funny and that they aren’t very efficient. The new Deutsche team could then expect a minimum of World Cup quarter final qualification and years of beating England.

David | Germany

Motivate the team with talk of how easy it is to beat England in a World Cup, assure them there isn’t a Brazilian cricket team, play for a tie to ensure a bowl-off and guarantee fervent support by placing deckchairs round the boundary edge the night before matches.

Out of the Ashes DVD winners 1-5

Here are the first five winning entries to the Out of the Ashes DVD competition. The other five will appear either tonight or tomorrow, depending on ‘arsedness’ on our part.

We asked you to name a non-Test playing nation and say how you’d get them to the 2015 World Cup.

Bert | Norway, North Korea, Chechnya, anyone really

Discuss the matter with the ICC and the major governing bodies. Arrange a meeting. Turn up in a helicopter carrying twenty million dollars in stolen cash. Job done.

Imran | Switzerland

1. Persuade Roger Federer to take up professional cricket, pointing out he’d then get to wear flannels more often
2. Redirect the flow of Saffer migrant cricketers to Switzerland by promising them chocolate
3. Threaten to freeze the bank accounts of administracrats voting against Switzerland’s admission as a Full Member of the ICC

Peter | Bahamas

They rise from the depths of the ICC World Cricket League Division Eight when I provide them with a magic badger that guides them on their path, explaining that winning is purely a mental state and by drinking enough they can reach this state and become unbeatable … they do!

Brian | USA

I would get America to the 2015 World Cup by making Sarah Palin the captain and telling her that if her team didn’t win Obama would introduce free healthcare for all and would take everyone’s guns off them. Watch her go.

Tim | China

China’s population is 1.3 BILLION. Got to be able to scrape a squad out of that lot. They’ve got all the attributes, too. Freakishly tall? Strike bowler. Zen-like calm? Opening bat. Wizened village elder? New Paul Collingwood. Competition for places is fierce. National pride is at stake. Worked with India.