Jonathan Trott

Bring forth the dobble

Paul Collingwood’s bowling was always a bit too canny to be proper dibbly dobbly medium-pace. There were too many cutters; too much innovation. You don’t get any of that crap from Jonathan Trott.

England’s four bowler policy means the batsmen have to chip in with a few overs. Ravi Bopara’s steady when he plays. Kevin Pietersen’s nicely erratic. Jonathan Trott dobbles. It’s good to see.

Dobbling is a much underrated trade. People think it’s boring because it’s neither pace nor spin, but the true cricket connoisseur cherishes the dobbler. The fielders move in front of the bat and in your mind’s eye they become plant pots and dustbins – the fielders of your childhood – as the cricket regresses to something altogether more basic.

Trott even got a wicket – LBW; a proper dobbler’s mode of dismissal. Only the elicitation of a spooned shot to cover represents a greater execution of dobblage.

Jonathan Trott bats too quickly

In scoring at 77.33 runs per hundred balls, Jonathan Trott careered out of control, like a giant rubber ball belting down Snowdon. That’s the only reason we can come up with as to why he might have got himself out for 58.

Or maybe he’s got a weakness against left-arm spin – that old chestnut. Maybe everyone’s got a weakness against left-arm spin. Maybe a weakness against left-arm spin is to 2011 what painting yourself orange and deafening people with a two-handed slap was to 1991.

Whatever the reason, we’re not happy. In the next Test, we want to see Jonathan Trott blank-faced and scuffing at the turf for at least 14 hours and we don’t want him to score any more than 72 runs in that time.

Jonathan Trott is relentless

Jonathan Trott is on holiday with his family. They decide to play table tennis – winner stays on.

After Trott has won the first 18 games, Mrs Trott quietly suggests that he might like to find a way to let the kids win a couple. Trott says no.

After 86 games, the family ask if they can stop and do something else instead. Trott says no.

Two weeks pass. The Trotts do nothing but play table tennis. Trott never drops a single game and the rest of the family are utterly demoralised by the experience. For his part, Trott feels immense satisfaction with his performance.

Jonathan Trott has become one of our favourite players

We realised this last night while watching The Ashes Series 2010/2011 – The Inside Story for an upcoming review.

Obviously the runs help, but it’s not just that. What we like most about Jonathan Trott is his certainty. We trust his opinion.

Everyone else is wrong

During this World Cup, he has been criticised by some people for scoring too slowly. Rather than saying that he plays a certain way, has a particular role in the team or that these people were entitled to their opinion, he instead told them that they were wrong. As far as Trott was concerned, he was the one out there batting; he knew the conditions; and he played in the right way. Nothing would persuade him otherwise.

We like that.

There are times in life when everyone disagrees with you. You will generally question your opinion if this happens and most people will change their mind and go with the consensus. This is why most people are idiots.

If you hold your opinion for good reason then it stands no matter what anyone else says. If your reasons for thinking something are better than their reasons for thinking otherwise, you should stick to your guns whether it’s two people disagreeing with you or two billion.

Relying on his own opinion

England’s World Cup has been characterised by massively variable scoring on the different grounds. Going from 350 Bangalore to 170 Chennai demanded that someone assess conditions quickly. Jonathan Trott was the first batsman to do that.

He then proved that he was no Tavaré by hitting 47 off 38 balls against the West Indies. Despite the speed of scoring, it was chanceless batting until his dismissal. The outfield was like ice and everything he hit went for four, yet he didn’t get carried away. We get the impression he would have played exactly the same shots with a slow outfield and been 20 off 38 balls, for which he would doubtless have been pilloried.

Another reason to like Jonathan Trott

There’s a great guard-marking scene in that Ashes DVD. Trott’s batting and Brad Haddin marks his guard for him, doubtless in an effort to interrupt his routine and put him off his game. Trott stands poised behind him while he does this, staring at the line as if Haddin’s invisible.

“You don’t have to do one of yours now,” says Haddin. Trott utterly blanks him and methodically draws a line in the dirt in exactly the same spot.

Then he hits 168 not out.

Jonathan Trott – unarsed England number three

Generally being unarsed about stuff is a fantastic quality for a Test batsman to have. Jonathan Trott’s got it in spades.

You can have all the shots and the best hand-eye co-ordination, but if you wobble when things don’t go perfectly, you’ll never make it as a Test batsman, because things never, ever go perfectly in real life.

Paul Collingwood highlights this well. Here is a batsman who won’t be put off by something as trivial as the fact that he’s playing bloody awfully. Playing bloody awfully won’t affect how Paul Collingwood plays; he’ll just keep going until he starts playing well again. This is his strength. Most batsmen will commit seppuku because they think the situation’s hopeless (possibly using a frisbee).

Jonathan Trott’s similar. Yeah, he plays shots on both sides of the wicket, but he doesn’t get het up if he hits a four, or if he’s nearly run-out, or if he gets knacked in the kneecap, or if the opposition suddenly lose their minds with PURE RAGE.

Jonathan Trott is so cool he can even take catches no-handed.

Alastair Cook creates a weird scorecard with help from Jonathan Trott

When have you ever seen an England scorecard that read 517-1? Against Australia as well.

We said that Alastair Cook would be okay and with 235 not out, you’d say we were probably right about that. We also predicted a whole host of series results though – none of which featured a draw.

Defending with an angled bat

Previous TV analysis of Alastair Cook has given the wrong impression. It makes you think that he’s destined to fail if he does anything even slightly wrong, but cricket doesn’t really work like that.

Batting in Australia is more about the batsman’s head than his technique, so the players who have made it to international cricket overcoming technical limitations are actually more likely to succeed. It’s counter-intuitive, but if you’re given a pool of international batsmen and asked to identify who’ll do well down under, pick the guys with the worst technique. They’ve got something about them that makes up for those flaws and those strengths will be of greater importance in Australia than elsewhere.

Cook and Trott on scorecards and in highlights

It has to be said that Alastair Cook and Jonathan Trott is the perfect partnership for this tour. We Brits can wake to the fruits of their labours without enduring the detail. Put these two in a highlights package and they’re quite watchable. Or maybe we’re just watching the bowlers’ faces.

Jonathan Trott and Stuart Broad v Pakistan – what a partnership

One’s a balding, short-arsed, right-handed batsman. The other’s a boyish, lanky bowler who bats left-handed. Together they gave James Anderson the longest wait of his career.

Trott and Broad caused Pakistan’s bowlers no little distress as well, which was entirely unexpected given the circumstances. Mohammad Amir started the day taking four wickets for no runs and Broad arrived at the crease with England 102-7.

Number nines don’t generally score Test hundreds from that position and it was even less likely in a summer where the value of a run has inflated astronomically with every passing innings.

For the bowling side, an eighth wicket partnership like the one between Jonathan Trott and Stuart Broad is like having the shit kicked out of you by a baby panda. For hours.

Jonathan Trott hit a hundred against Bangladesh – what does it say?

A few people will say that Jonathan Trott’s 175 not out at Lord’s means nothing, because it’s against Bangladesh. Slightly fewer people will say he’s proving he’s a Test batsman after an ordinary winter.

Why go to extremes? Jonathan Trott’s guts and technique could have been tested more, but his concentration and shot selection were bang on. The thing about a hundred is it’s big enough that it can say more than one thing.

We’re still waiting for one that says: “Yeah? Well. You know, that’s just, like, errr, your opinion, man.”

Do South African born cricketers like Jonathan Trott represent you and your country?

England currently have a number of South African born players. Jonathan Trott’s the latest and he seems to be under some suspicion at the minute, despite spending seven years qualifying to play for England.

Mike Norrish, writing on the Telegraph’s site, says:

“I guess the whole thing boils down to representation and whether or not we want England’s cricketers to represent ‘us’.”

Does Jonathan Trott represent you? Does he represent your country?

Over the years, we’ve met a number of people who were born in South Africa who are working and making new lives for themselves in the UK. Conversely, we’ve met very few people like Alastair Cook, for example.

Jonathan Trott represents our version of England pretty well.

Jonathan Trott’s Test debut

By any stretch, Jonathan Trott’s Test debut has gone okay.

Making a hundred on your debut is generally considered to be satisfactory. Making a hundred when you arrived at the crease with the score reading 39-3 on a day when 15 wickets fell – that’s better than satisfactory. Doing all of this in an Ashes Test is a dream. Doing it in the deciding Ashes Test is the kind of fiction you wouldn’t have permitted yourself when you were playing in the back garden when you were 10.

Jonathan Trott has the odd technical flaw that will be explored by bowlers in future Tests, but the one thing he most definitely has – which is much harder to develop in the nets – is the relaxed frame of mind that allows a batsman to perform in Test cricket.

This now means that of England’s first choice top six, four were born in South Africa. No criticism in that, but it’s worth remarking upon.