Mitchell Johnson

Mitchell Johnson’s bowling problems

Australia coach, Tim Nielsen, has some positive words to say about Mitchell Johnson, who’s currently trying to read this article on the bookcase four feet to the left of his monitor:

“It wasn’t like he’d lost confidence and all the things were falling apart and he was bowling 85mph and didn’t know where it was going.”

No, Tim, it was like he’d lost confidence and all the things were falling apart and he was bowling 90mph and didn’t know where it was going.

What’s your point, exactly? That each wide didn’t last as long?

Australia’s bowlers aren’t flattered by comparisons with the past

Largely because they’re a bit toss. 425 ain’t good enough and England haven’t knackered out Australia’s four bowlers as much as they should have done.

Mitchell Johnson

Mitchell Johnson or James Anderson? Easy.

Johnson has promised a lot, but unless you love non-bouncing wides, he hasn’t really delivered. We love non-bouncing wides from ‘once in a generation’ Australian opening bowlers, so we’re suddenly a massive Mitchell Johnson fan.

Ben Hilfenhaus

When the ball swings, Ben Hilfenhaus looks a handy bowler, otherwise he’s a bit innocuous. This makes him an Australian James Anderson, only without the inswinger or the reverse outswinger, or the reverse inswinger.

He’s basically a quarter as good as Jimmy.

Peter Siddle

Peter Siddle’s the opposite of Mitchell Johnson. Where Johnson seems to get wickets while bowling dross, Siddle bowls well and gets nowt for it. He generally acts like a dick, which is what you want from Australian cricketers, so paradoxically, we find ourself liking him.

Nathan Hauritz

When you’re describing an Australian spinner as ‘worthy’, you know you want pitches that offer a bit of turn.

We’ve gone easy on Mitchell Johnson in this post. We didn’t over at The Wisden Cricketer.

Mitchell Johnson or James Anderson?

And you HAVE to choose.

We’re going for James Anderson. He’s the better bowler when the ball swings and we love watching swing bowling. If the ball doesn’t swing, Mitchell Johnson’s got the better attributes, being quicker and kack-handed (as if THAT’S an attribute).

Also, you have to remember that Johnson’s Australian and will therefore be confused and frightened by many of the things he encounters in England.

Things like:

• Running water
• Beer that doesn’t need to be half frozen in order for you to choke it down
• Sleeves

Promising English fast bowlers like Sajid Mahmood

England are generally impatient with promising young players. They bring them in, everyone who can voice an opinion takes it in turns to daub them in excrement and then it takes six years for the smell to wear off.

Let’s make a comparison. Sajid Mahmood and Mitchell Johnson were born within a couple of months of each other. Both were branded ‘once in a generation’ bowlers early in their career.

Sajid Mahmood was hastily picked for England, played a few matches and got his various slower balls carted to all parts. He played eight Tests, three on an Ashes tour and played his last Test in January 2007.

In contrast, Mitchell Johnson made his debut in November 2007 and has lasted the course.

Now we know what you’re going to say. You’re going to say that Mahmood’s whiff of excrement is from his bowling, while Mitchell Johnson is moulded out of solid magic by the hands of God.

That might be a little extreme and it might also have a little truth in it, but that’s not the point we’re making.

Our point is that Mahmood is currently among the most promising English fast bowlers around. He’s got all the attributes he always had (pace, bounce, swing, reverse swing) and might now have learnt when to use those skills – but he’s tainted. He’s tarnished by his previous, premature stab at international cricket.

The very name ‘Sajid Mahmood’ is a kind of cricketing shorthand meaning ‘the wheels have come off during a one-day international’. It’s unfair.

The same applies to Liam Plunkett, while Steven Davies is currently being given a chance to build a bad name for himself as an England wicketkeeper.

What would have happened to Mitchell Johnson had he been English? Australian readers might want to be particularly hilarious at this point.

Mitchell Johnson takes England back to the Nineties

At one stage South Africa were 6-3, effectively 6-4, as Graeme Smith had been hospitalised. The man who did this was Mitchell Johnson and he forced Jacques Kallis to retire hurt shortly afterwards.

Johnson provided bounce, swing and crucially, pace. Mitchell Johnson is a fast bowler. We’d say a ‘genuine’ fast bowler, but in our eyes, you either are or you aren’t.

A month ago, England could at least comfort themselves that Australia were matching them shambles for shambles. Now the Aussies have Phil Hughes set for 15 years of Test destruction and they’ve got Mitchell Johnson scaring the hell out of a top drawer South African batting line-up.

Meanwhile, England have a glut of fast-medium bowlers waiting for the ball to swing and the team changes after every Test. We seem to be returning to the Nineties at a rate of knots.

Younger readers might not fully appreciate the concept of the Nineties. They might think it’s just another decade. In English cricket terms, it’s actually a form of purgatory.

The Ashes was rather like India against Zimbabwe, only there was no chance that the ICC would take pity on England and ban them from Test cricket. They couldn’t even get away with two or three match series. Because it was the Ashes, they had to play five or even six Tests.

It might be time to officially start hating Mitchell Johnson. Shall we put it to the vote?

Mitchell Johnson, all-rounder?

Mitchell Johnson, batting at nine, launched the South Africa attack to all parts on his way to 96 not out. He then took 4-25, making light of the fact that Australia have only selected three-and-a-half bowlers.

Johnson’s respective averages have just swapped places, so his batting average is now higher than his bowling average. Does this make him an all-rounder? Is he going to be Australia’s number nine batsman next summer? It doesn’t bear thinking about. So we won’t.

Australia are never a bad side and they’re never down for long. This is why you have to make the most of it when they do struggle. You know, have commemorative board games manufactured and construct large buildings bearing the inscription ‘Australia were a bit poor today – 28/12/2008′.

Mitchell Johnson – Australia fast bowler

Perhaps the most striking thing about Mitchell Johnson is his ridiculous cartoon character tufty hair. After that it’s his bowling.

We watched quite a bit of Johnson when Australia toured India. He was their best bowler. For all the talk about Brett Lee being the fast strike bowler, Johnson’s not really any slower than him. He’s left-handed, he swings the ball and he doesn’t just pitch it a foot outside the off stump all the time like he used to. He does it quite a lot, but not all the time.

He’s got quite a round-arm action as well and if he masters reverse swing, we could be seeing some left-arm, dipping, inswinging yorkers, like a mirror-Waqar.

Mostly though, we’re struck by his pace. He’s consistently fast, 90mph plus, yet no-one seems to consider him a fast bowler. He clearly is.

Mitchell Johnson arrived as a Test bowler today, taking 7-42 against South Africa. It’s the kind of performance that’ll convince him he can get anyone out.

Australians celebrate minor triumphs in defeat

That was odd. Mitchell Johnson hit a valiant fifty in defeat and when he reached the landmark, the crowd erupted. How very, very…

… English…

Mitchell Johnson clouds the future

We’ve always had a desire to balance out the names of this world. Some people have two first names, like Brett Lee for example. It’s only right that there’s a yang to Lee’s yin and that’s where Mitchell Johnson comes in.

Mitchell Johnson’s got two surnames, so he can swap one of his surnames with Brettles and we’ll get Brett Mitchell and Lee Johnson. Now everybody’s much happier.

That’s the only good thing about Mitchell Johnson, because other than that, we’re afraid it’s all bad news. First you hoped that Australia would be reliant on ageing medium-pacers for ever. You thought that they’d endlessly rotate Jason Gillespie and Michael Kasprowicz.

Then, when that plan was filed away in the bin, you comforted yourself with the thought that Shaun Tait’s ‘if I don’t know where they’re going, how will the batsman?’ approach was actually just a tacit admission that he was crap.

Then you heard a rumour. A ‘once in a generation’ bowler. A quick left-armer of nous and pace by the name of Mitchell Johnson. You watched him nervously. He was promising, but maybe that promise wouldn’t be fulfilled.

Today, as he took 5-26 against a by-no-means-ordinary Indian batting line-up in their home conditions, you detected a dark future where Australia’s bowling line-up wasn’t a dizzying melange of the mundane and the incompetent.