The Cardiff Ashes Test was a great example of how a draw can be exciting. Today, after playing in the snow, eating a roast dinner and having a couple of pints, we would have been happy with a soporific blockathon, but you get what you’re given.

Paul Collingwood made a huge and often overlooked contribution to that Cardiff draw, but he ballsed up by getting out. This time, he made no such mistake.

If we’d known England were going to be batting for a draw on the last day, the two batsmen we’d have picked to see out the last over would have been Cook and Strauss. But if England had to be nine down, we’d have picked Paul Collingwood and his one inch backlift.

We probably wouldn’t have picked Graham Onions though, but as a number 11 he’s duty-bound to appear in last wicket partnerships. That’s what’s great about cricket: five days of slog all hangs on the person least qualified to deliver.

It’s like building a state of the art spy plane, taking it for a test flight and then getting a pangolin to land it. You want a walking pine cone that secretes acid in its anus? The pangolin’s your man. You want an expert aviator? Look elsewhere.

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We were struck that England actually had a good batting line-up today; one with rare solidity.

With Andrew Strauss and Jonathan Trott opening, England have grown-ups at the top of the order. There’s a dependable feel about both of them and the rest of the line-up hangs off that.

In the middle order, Kevin Pietersen’s ace, Paul Collingwood knows one-day cricket inside-out, while Eoin Morgan’s potentially England’s best-ever one-day batsman – unfazed and both deft and powerful. Matt Prior’s not done well, but he’s one of the better batsmen in English cricket and we’re happy with him at six. Luke Wright’s the end-of-innings slogger.

It was Collingwood’s day today. He’s hit 617 one-day runs at 51 this year. How many matches until people call for him to be dropped because of his ‘lack of talent’?

Tags: England cricket news | Tests, ODIs, T20s, Paul Collingwood by King Cricket
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This is the vibe we’re getting at the minute, but prior to the Ashes, Paul Collingwood averaged 58, 43, 61 and 68 in successive series. Paul Collingwood never gets much slack.

It strikes us that if you say someone’s got no talent often enough, it colours people’s views in itself. Yes, Collingwood had a poor Ashes overall. However, where some players are deemed out of form after a poor series, Collingwood’s dismissed with a short, sharp: ‘He’s crap’.

Tags: England cricket news | Tests, ODIs, T20s, Paul Collingwood by King Cricket
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If you’re Paul Collingwood, you have to do a little bit more than other batsmen. He’s hit three hundreds in his last nine Test innings, each in a different country and each against a different attack. People will accept that he can stay in the side for another couple of matches now.

Maybe it’s because he looks ill-acquainted with a cricket bat. It doesn’t move right in his hands. You imagine him opening his kitbag on the first morning of a Test. He looks down at the chunk of willow within and says: ‘What the hell is that?’

We like him that way. We like his awkward punching strokeplay. We like the nurdle, we like the chop and we like the hoist. Every time people say Paul Collingwood has to go because he’s not good enough, he comes back and scores some hundreds and really, that’s all that matters.

Tags: England cricket news | Tests, ODIs, T20s, Paul Collingwood by King Cricket
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Alastair Cook

Why
Because he looks like the kind of person who eats sandwiches with a knife and fork.

Why not
Because Rob Key’s on the wrong continent.

Ian Bell

Why
Because if international cricket were a cartoon where everyone were an animal, Ian Bell would be the excitable squirrel who doesn’t really accomplish anything.

Why not
Yes, why not. That was a rhetorical question, wasn’t it?

Paul Collingwood

Why
Opposition bowlers seem to have caught on that he isn’t a member of the groundstaff shovelling soil around; he’s actually got a bat in his hand, not a spade.

Why not
Actually knows the value of his Test place and is pleasingly prone to fighting to retain it.

Tags: Alastair Cook, England cricket news | Tests, ODIs, T20s, Ian Bell, Paul Collingwood by King Cricket
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It doesn’t make the heart race, but it is brilliant.

Andrew Strauss now averages 61.85 in Tests in India. Paul Collingwood averages 68.20. Kevin Pietersen averages 27.62. Sometimes you need to clog your way to success and Strauss and Collingwood can bunt singles with the best of them.

Strauss has been spectacularly impressive in this match. England’s selectors get a fair bit of stick for their conservatism when selecting batsmen, but Strauss hit a hundred in his last Test on Indian soil, hit 123 in the first innings and is now 73 not out.

Paul Collingwood’s 134 not out in Nagpur on England’s last tour was a real masterpiece, where he scored an extraordinary number of runs with the tail. Collingwood is another who some would do away with, but he hit 195 Test runs in India before anyone got him out. He’s worth his place.

Tags: Andrew Strauss, England cricket news | Tests, ODIs, T20s, India cricket news | Tests, ODIs, T20s, Paul Collingwood by King Cricket
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Paul Collingwood is made entirely out of balls. It must be downright murder to walk, eat or do pretty much anything. To get a hundred in what seemed likely to be your last Test innings is one thing. To do it with a six is quite another.

Kevin Pietersen was caught by mid-on trying to reach his hundred with a six. Collingwood learnt from that mistake. The key is to middle it. Whoosh. 100. It was a similar shot to the one that took him to 200 against Australia.

He’s gritty, they say. He’s a fighter. He’s a scrapper. He’s got character. Normally the emphasis is on what’s not being said. He hasn’t got any real talent is the subtext. We’ve all come to hear only that subtext, but after an innings like that you remember that all those adjectives do actually apply.

Hope he shovels a few more runs today.

England v South Africa, third Test at Edgbaston, day one
England 231 all out (Alastair Cook 76, Ian Bell 50, Jacques Kallis 3-31, Andre Nel 3-47)
South Africa 314 all out (Neil McKenzie 72, Jacques Kallis 64, Andrew Flintoff 4-89, James Anderson 3-72, Ryan Sidebottom 3-81)
England 297-6 (Paul Collingwood 101 not out, Kevin Pietersen 94)

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Shove Michael Vaughan down to number six – that’s where England keep their worst batsman.

Paul Collingwood seems likely to lose his place. He has another innings, but does he honestly look like a man who’ll make use of it? It’s the latest chapter in England’s number six saga and after Tim Ambrose’s brief appearance in the slot, the chapters are getting shorter.

Where other nations value their number six batsman, England use it as a dumping ground for the newest arrival to the team, the most likely departure from it, or, in the case of Ambrose, whoever’s left over.

South Africa have vehement letter C denier, AB de Villiers, batting at six. India have VVS Laxman. India’s number sixes have averaged 13 runs more than England’s since 2000. Even Bangladesh’s average more and you’re not even supposed to include Bangladesh when you talk about Test cricket, because it’s an unwritten rule that they don’t count.

Vaughan won’t move to six, because he’ll see it as a demotion, but that’s because of the way England treat the slot. If number six weren’t such a tainted limbo, maybe the fall of the fourth wicket wouldn’t send such shockwaves through the side and maybe the earlier batsmen wouldn’t live in constant fear of that.

England v South Africa, third Test at Edgbaston, day one
England 231 all out (Alastair Cook 76, Ian Bell 50, Jacques Kallis 3-31, Andre Nel 3-47)
South Africa 38-1

Tags: England cricket news | Tests, ODIs, T20s, Michael Vaughan, Paul Collingwood, South Africa by King Cricket
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We like a bit of ruthlessness, but there’s a fairly clear line between ‘ruthlessness’ and ‘being a dick’. We call it the ‘being a dick line’ and we always try and stay the right side of it. England didn’t.

Ryan Sidebottom went after the ball and inadvertently decked Grant Elliott who was in the process of taking a quick single. While Elliott writhed around with a suspected broken spine, England ran him out.

At this point, everyone felt a bit uncomfortable, so the umpires rather generously said to Paul Collingwood: “Er, are you sure?” Paul Collingwood said ‘yes’.

Then the umpires said: “No, no, Paul, you’re not getting us. Are you… sure?” while raising their eyebrows and looking him straight in the eye.

Paul Collingwood said ‘yes’.

Then, later on, once England had lost and New Zealand were a bit calmer, Paul Collingwood went into the Kiwi dressing room and apologised. Then Daniel Vettori told some lies about how they’d forgiven Collingwood because he’d had the decency to apologise.

Then everyone pretended nothing had happened. Of course in the fifth one-day international New Zealand will appeal after every ball Collingwood faces.

Tags: England cricket news | Tests, ODIs, T20s, New Zealand, Paul Collingwood by King Cricket
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Unlike players in some other sports, cricketers quite often talk sense. They’re even capable of being interesting. That said, there have been some pretty ordinary thoughts expressed about this whole Stanford Twenty20 thing and about the IPL as well.

Monty Panesar’s a bright guy, but his comments are fairly typical: “Test cricket has always been the ultimate dream for every cricketer – that’s still going to be the number one.”

This is the kind of mindless blanditude most players have come out with when asked about the impact of Twenty20 on Test cricket. Is that really the case Monty? Why? Why should that situation persist just because it always has done?

Paul Collingwood yesterday offered a more considered opinion: “Twenty20’s blowing everything out of the water, but we must decide what we want in the future. The big picture is if Test cricket is going downhill because of it. We’ve got to keep Tests in the forefront.”

This is a man who’s in danger of being dropped from the Test team, but who as one-day captain is virtually guaranteed his Twenty20 place. It would be quite easy for him to spout the ‘great for cricket’ line, but no – this is a man who loves cricket and is worried about its future.

He goes on to say: “When I was a kid, all I thought about was playing in the World Cup or winning the Ashes. We don’t want kids growing up just dreaming about winning Stanford matches to earn some money or playing in the Indian Premier League. That dream is a massive thing for kids.”

He then finishes off by acknowledging that players might be economical with the truth about their level of fitness when there’s such money at stake.

We like Paul Collingwood. Paul Collingwood lives in the real world.

Tags: England cricket news | Tests, ODIs, T20s, Paul Collingwood by King Cricket
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