Animals being conspicuously indifferent to cricket

Bo conspicuously renouncing his indifference to cricket

Sam writes:

In light of England’s well-documented opening batsman problems, I thought I would canvas opinion within my household regarding a return for Taunton’s favourite son.

Bo reflects wistfully on the early promise of an uncomplicated West Country left-hander with minimal foot movement but tons of talent.

’137. Lord’s. June 12 2001,’ he appears to be thinking.

Bo’s nostalgia turns to pain and anger as I inform him of the score in Bridgetown.

’117 all out?’ he appears to be saying. ‘Come back, Banger. All is forgiven.’

Send pictures of animals being conspicuously indifferent to cricket to king@kingcricket.co.uk

Cat renounces indifference to cricket

Lemon Bella writes:

StraussCat has been waiting for another chance to show how much he doesn’t care about English cricket. KP provided him with the perfect opportunity.

This is StraussCat when he first heard the news that Pietersen had resigned.

When I told him that the only viable candidate was his namesake, he merely yawned and stretched a bit.

My new cat, Meowcus Trescattick, has proved disappointingly interested in cricket. He’s particularly interested in South African cricket, as this picture shows.

When he heard the news about KP he tipped his waterbowl over in disgust, but I didn’t get a picture of that.

Tribble being conspicuously indifferent to cricket

Cully, from New Zealand, writes:

Here is my cat, Tribble, being conspicuously indifferent to cricket. Could she be bothered to watch the second Test between India and Australia? Could she even be bothered to watch us scrape a painful win against Bangladesh? Could she heck.

Once she’d emptied the fridge of rubbish beer, she not only continued to be oblivious to the cricket, she became oblivious to everything.

I do have another cat without an alcohol problem, but unfortunately she is so conspicuously indifferent to cricket that she couldn’t even be bothered to be in the room.

More animals being conspicuously indifferent to cricket

Kent v Nottinghamshire County Championship match report

With a bonus Kent v Essex in the Friends Provident Trophy match report thrown in ABSOLUTELY FREE.

This continues this week’s theme of our not really writing anything. How long can we keep it up?

Lemon Bella writes:

Myself and Indian Skimmer saw our first matches of the season this weekend.

Friday

On Friday we travelled down to the St Lawrence ground to watch the third day of the Championship match against Notts.

We discovered that the coffee machine in the members’ lounge has been changed to an inferior brand and the coffee is now horrible. This is yet another example of the game’s administrators being out of touch with grass roots fans. Moreover, they’ve moved the machine to behind the bar, so we have to talk to someone whenever we want a cup.

Ryan McLaren ate a crumpet at tea time. We didn’t have crumpets. We just had to sit there in the cold with our horrible tasting coffee. Next time, we’re asking Ryan McLaren for a bite of his crumpet.

Yasir Arafat didn’t bat because he had suspected appendicitis. We didn’t believe him because that’s the kind of lie we used to tell to get out of PE lessons at school. He was fine by Sunday, so that proves our suspicions.

Saturday

On the final day of the Championship match we went to the zoo because we didn’t want to sit in the rain for six hours to watch Kent fail to defend 22 runs.

Instead, we walked around in the rain for six hours and saw a lot of animals hiding in their shelters. We got flapped at by an ostrich and bought a soft toy of an African Hunting Dog.

Here is a picture of Nella the African Hunting Dog being indifferent to a video of South Africa playing Australia.

At first we thought that maybe he was only indifferent because he’d seen the game before, but we tested him again and his indifference only increased. This is him failing to inspect the pitch in Indian Skimmer’s back garden.

Sunday

Before the Friends Provident match on Sunday we wandered around Canterbury for 20 minutes trying to find somewhere to buy a newspaper. Everywhere was closed, even WHSmiths. When we got to the ground, Andre Nel had a newspaper, so the Essex team must have stopped at a service station on the way.

Martin Van Jaarsveld scored a century. At breakfast, our B&B owner had told us he would do, but we didn’t believe him. From now on we will listen to his every psychic word. He makes really good poached eggs, so that only bolsters his credibility.

Nimbus being conspicuously indifferent to all manner of cricketing things

Miriam writes:

“I give you: my sister’s new cat, Nimbus.

“We showed her your feature in The Wisden Cricketer, but, as you can see, she simply could not be bothered and she made her feelings perfectly clear.

“She was also not at all tempted by The Wisden Cricketer cover stories. Pace may be back, but she’s not watching.

“In tribute to Ryan Sidebottom’s 7-fer against New Zealand, we then tried to get her into the spirit by giving her a Ryan Sidebottom wig (that’s MY ACTUAL HAIR people!).

“As they say, sometimes the face of a cat can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.”

More animals being conspicuously indifferent to cricket

Strauss being conspicuously indifferent to Strauss’s selection ahead of Owais Shah for England’s final warm-up match before the first Test against New Zealand

A catchy title, we think you’ll all agree.

It’s been a while since we received a picture of an animal being conspicuously indifferent to cricket – TOO LONG, in fact. There are a whole host of animals who have not yet expressed their indifference to this great game. We’ve never had a wholphin. We’ve never had a liger. Our inbox is always open.

Lemon Bella says:

“This is a picture of StraussCat being conspicuously indifferent when I told him that Strauss had been picked ahead of Shah.”

“As you can see, he put a lot of effort into showing exactly how much he didn’t care about this news.”

More animals being conspicuously indifferent to cricket

Carlo and Granville being conspicuously indifferent on the field of play

Miriam says:

Now that I know you’re still doing animal posts, here are some pictures I took of the cats a little while ago. I tried to play cricket with them, but they were uninterested. In fact, they were indifferent. In FACT, they made such a point of making their feelings clear that you might say that they were conspicuously indifferent.

The first picture is Granville (who reminds me of a gone-to-seed version of your Monty) being out first ball because of his indifference, in one of the easiest LBW decisions ever for the umpire (my mum). He’s choosing to stare into space instead of keep his eyes on the ball.

The second is Carlo (the ginger) just before he was out bowled through his legs offering no shot. (Carlo said to say that he wants a good caption otherwise he’s joining Pollock, Collingwood and Chapple and coming after you).

The final picture is during my innings. The cats were seriously sloppy in the field. As you can see, there has been a hilarious fielding mishap when their indifference meant that the ball fell between them.

As you see, Miriam didn’t know we were still accepting pictures of animals being conspicuously indifferent to cricket, but of course we are. E-mail us anything, in fact. Maybe you’ve got a beautiful picture of Rob Key. Maybe you’ve stood near a sign saying ‘moron centre’ while wearing the England one-day shirt. Whatever. Anything to give us a free update.

Strauss being conspicuously indifferent to Strauss’s omission

Lemon Bella has the latest on Strauss’s omission from the England squad:

“Here is a picture of StraussCat being indifferent to Strauss (again). It means you can get two posts out of the Andrew Strauss announcement, instead of just the one.”

“You’d think in this time of crisis his namesake would at least pay a bit of attention; maybe pass comment on poor umpiring decisions, but no. StraussCat is clearly more interested in sleeping and fitting himself in a box that is much too small for him.”

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