Lies about pictures

Owais Shah attempts to please his masters

Bad dog. No Test career for you.

Liam Plunkett wrestles with his conscience

Only his angelic side and his demonic side are BOTH cyclopic yellow bears.

“Go and buy some honey, Liam.”

“Don’t listen to him! Go and steal some honey.”

Matthew Hoggard and Younis Khan play “spot the statistics nerd”

‘Spot the statistics nerd’ isn’t a game you should play in a cricket ground when it’s anything other than completely empty. It’s no challenge at all.

A game of ’spot the fancy dress drunk’ was abandoned later that same day.

England adopt subtle form of mental disintegration

So-called mental disintegration can take many forms. You might play on a batsman’s confidence or you might try and aggravate him into losing his cool.

In this picture, Kevin Pietersen, Ian Bell and Ryan Sidebottom have teamed up in an effort to make Ross Taylor jealous.

Ross Taylor considers himself something of a looker, but here Kevin Pietersen and Ian Bell are visibly expressing a strong preference for Ryan Sidebottom.

Kevin’s cruel, taunting eyes must cut deeper than any mere sledge.

Somerset adopt undersized helmets made out of fruit

Bang it in short.

England lose the ball

Ian! Look down! It’s right there in front of you!

Here we see Paul Collingwood, Ian Bell and Matt Prior desperately searching for the ball while Mahela Jayawardene and Tillekeratne Dilshan complete an all-run hundred for Jayawardene.

England weren’t to find the ball again for three straight days and all the while Jayawardene and Dilshan were running and running.

As the bowler who’d delivered the ball, Matthew Hoggard’s bowling figures were particularly poor in this Test.

Ricky Ponting with a bat in his mouth

Pictures like this DESERVE captions:

This is what we’ve come up with:

(1) Ricky Ponting with a bat in his mouth.

(2) Ricky Ponting eats a cricket bat.

(3) Ricky Ponting and a cricket bat and the bat’s sort of in his mouth so it sort of looks like he might be eating it or something, but he’s not. He’s not eating it at all because it’s a cricket bat and people don’t eat cricket bats. It just kind of looks like he is. He’s just sort of leaning on it being pensive or something.

Ricky Ponting uses a Kookaburra Big Kahuna.

Sachin Tendulkar’s helium-filled bat

Everyone knows about Dennis Lillee’s aluminium bat, but Sachin Tendulkar’s experiment with a helium-filled bat is less well known.

Sachin thought the lightness of the bat would allow him to bat freer and longer, but unfortunately, as this picture shows, the excess of helium rendered the bat unusable.

During the course of his career, Philip Tufnell experimented with 32 different types of unconventional bat. He never once made contact with the ball though.

No Holds Barred Cricket

No Holds Barred Cricket is a form rarely played these days. It was introduced in the mid-Nineties as a means of injecting a little bit more excitement into the one-day game. Rather frighteningly and contradictorily, the rules are ‘there are no rules’.

No Holds Barred Cricket featured large amounts of injuries from the outset, so players are rarely asked to partake these days. Nevertheless, occasional exhibition matches are still played.

In this shot, we see Mahendra Singh Dhoni struggling to catch Shoaib Malik. Shoaib Malik’s batting partner, Shahid Afridi, just out of shot, has hold of Dhoni’s leg and is attempting to sabotage the catch.

Afridi succeeded in spoiling Dhoni’s catch but was run out as he was well out of his ground. Then Sachin Tendulkar gave him a wedgie.

Andrew Strauss and Paul Nixon execute worst ever high-five

Strauss has at least got the basics right, but he has neglected to correctly align himself with the recipient of the five.

Nixon, for his part, has fived himself in a last ditch attempt to salvage the five. His anguished expression betrays his true emotions however.