Photos

A post about Flintoff and socks because frankly we can’t be arsed

Maybe it’s all the seasonal ales that we knocked back over the weekend, but we’ve lost a bit of enthusiasm this week. Christmas beers are always about three times as strong as normal beer – presumably because you need to be completely leathered to endure the festive period.

So, because we can’t be arsed and because most of you hate everything we write anyway, here’s a picture of Freddie in some socks instead.

Some celebrities have designed some socks and they’re being sold with the proceeds going to various charities. Not sure how these things work, but we might be obliged to say they’re being sold by MandMDirect.

We’ve never heard of them before, but the name MandMDirect needs some bloody spaces in it. We don’t care if it’s a web address as well, when did it become okay to do away with spaces? It’s not okay. Ask Pen Island or Experts Exchange if you don’t believe us.

On that subject, therapistfinder.com seems like a genuine website.

An Ashes win equals big money

You’re an England player. You’ve won the Ashes. You get in touch with your agent:

“Commercial opportunities. What have you got for me?”

Your agent’s silent a minute and you can hear him shuffling some papers on his desk.

“Hello. Are you there? Commercial opportunities. What have you got?”

Your agent clears his throat and says: “Er… belts?”

Matt Prior clearly did some DAMN GOOD WORK on this photo shoot, but Stuart Broad seems to be a rank amateur, so they made him say some stuff as well:

“I absolutely love the Druh Belts range and the colours are just amazing. They’re perfect to wear on a casual night out with jeans or with chinos and a jacket for a more formal look that is just a bit different.”

Everyone loves chino-friendly belts.

The best advert featuring a cricketer EVER

There isn’t one part of this advert that isn’t amazing. It is the world’s first 100% amazing advert.

The slogan’s baffling and surreal and amazing. The picture’s less baffling, but still surreal and amazing. Even the boast ‘SA’s #1 Hand Tool Brand’ is amazing, because just how hotly contested is that title?

Ceci sent this majestic thing in.

She writes:

“This is an advert from a South African cricket mag.  It’s entirely un-photoshopped and is utterly mysterious. Why is Kallis looking so keen and eager?  Is sheep burying his hobby, or is it – like Steyn’s crocodile wrestling – the mark of a Saffer man; the number of sheep he can bury in an hour?”

Webco Tools’ website doesn’t quite live up to this promise, but it’s still pretty amazing. They know their target market, as proven by their use of images such as the one on the right.

Bet you’d like to bury sheep with her, eh?

Eh? Eh?

Oh.

KP’s magic watch harnesses the power of the sun

This is the quite unbelievable watch that Kevin Pietersen wears.

You’ll never have seen him wearing it, because he doesn’t wear it when he does what he’s good at (cricket). He wears it when he’s being a normal person who’s in no way exceptional.

This is a watch for when talented people are being rubbish like the rest of us. It’s the timepiece equivalent of Clark Kent’s glasses. This watch is the very symbol of adopted mediocrity.

However, at least it is ‘fuelled by light’.

“Its revolutionary Eco-Drive technology harnesses the power of light and converts it into energy which is stored in a permanently rechargeable battery. It recharges continuously in any kind of light to run forever. Put simply, a watch that never needs a battery – simply unstoppable, like KP.”

Or alternatively: It’s solar powered.

Botham flouts health and safety regulations

Is that suitable footwear? No.

Should he be removing his hard hat? No.

Also, it’s generally accepted that a high-visibility tabard be worn over the top of ordinary clothing so that you can easily be seen.

Botham is wearing high-visibility clothing, but has concealed its garish, eye-catching qualities beneath a low-visibility tabard.

We’ve got to get us a low-visibility tabard.

Thanks to Sam for sending us the photo.

Ravi Bopara does even more DIY

If you’re tired of updates about an indifferent Ravi Bopara helping to promote Nuts magazine via a National Shed Week PR stunt, then you might want to stop reading now.

Because here’s Ravi standing outside a shed with his drill and his barbecue and also his rake:

We’re hungry by proxy after looking at that.

Now here’s Ravi hard at work, pointing a drill in no particular direction while sitting outside his shed on an office chair.

It’s what we all do outside our sheds: wave drills about while sitting on office chairs.

Except us that is, because our shed is made of asbestos and therefore UTTERLY LETHAL.

Thanks a bunch Ravi. Thanks for trying to kill us. We’d say stick to the tiling, but you were crap at that as well.

Don’t get a cricketer to do your tiling

Here’s Ravi Bopara trying to do some tiling.

Ravi! Stop! Everyone knows that you’re supposed to apply the adhesive to the wall and not to the tile.

Now here’s Charlotte Edwards putting up the exact same tile.

Q: How many cricketers does it take to put up one tile?

A: Two, but don’t count on it being flush with adjacent tiles because they’ll apply the adhesive to the tile and not the wall.

Ask Stuart MacGill if he’ll give us the ball back

Go on, do it… No, you ask…

We don’t think he’s going to let us have it back.

Shaun Tait astride a big cannon

We’ve been putting altogether too many words on this site of late, so for no real reason, here’s a picture of Shaun Tait astride a big cannon.

It’s not THAT big a cannon though. Ho, no, no – not as big as this cannon.

We like big cannons.

We don’t like Shaun Tait though. He’s smug-looking. He’s a very fast bowler, though – we like that. We’re preparing ourself to have ‘mixed feelings’ for about the next ten years thanks to old Taito. The spork affects us similarly. We admire the ingenuity, but detest the vast majority of spoon food.

Cereal, soup, pudding – not good foods.

How to play the back foot defensive

Textbook.

Keep your eyes off the ball to minimise any chance of edging it. This batsman is looking the opposite way to eliminate even the slightest possibility that he might catch sight of the ball. The merest glimpse could potentially cause him to play for it.

Better still he has released the bat as a second countermeasure against bat striking ball. With no control over his bat, it is physically impossible for him to play the ball deliberately.

A further boon is that in the absence of contact with the bat, he can no longer be caught off either of his gloves.

Any youngster could learn a thing or two from this.