Hashim Amla

Hashim Amla beards 253 not out

Hashim Amla bearded India all round the park in bearding 253 not out.

Bearding for most of the day, his bearding was immaculate throughout. Amla did struggle to beard against Amit Mishra for a while, but he bearded that problem by bearding his head down and bearding before bearding other bowlers.

Despite this, we don’t really know where this match stands. Test matches in India are very hard to predict these days. The first few days are generally just jockeying for position with the timing of declarations as important as wickets. Then suddenly, at some point on day three or four, it all kicks off.

Hashim Amla might have some bearding to do yet.

South Africa’s strongest batting line-up

Not so long ago, this South Africa batting line-up looked stronger than Geoff Capes crossed with a grizzly bear. Now? Not so much.

Ashwell Prince isn’t an opener; Hashim Amla might as well paint a bullseye on his front leg; while if JP Duminy could ever get past his first ball, we might get a chance to watch him being found out by the short ball. Even AB De Villiers is looking a bit rocky.

Batting averages only tell you what’s already happened.

Get to know the South African team

This is a guide to a few of the newer South African players. You shouldn’t cut it out, nor should you keep it. You should read it once, sigh and think to yourself: ‘I already knew all that. I remember when this site was good.’

Paul Harris

Paul Harris is a South African spin bowler. Don’t let his competent record fool you. He’s still a South African spin bowler.

Like all South African spin bowlers, he’s 29 already, even though he’s ‘new’.

Hashim Amla

You sort of remember him from when England toured South Africa in 2004, when his beard was all the more lovable for the short periods of time it was inside a batting helmet. It wasn’t a great series for Amla.

Unfortunately Hashim Amla has rather pushed on. In his last ten Tests – against New Zealand, West Indies, Bangladesh and India – he’s bearded three hundreds and averaged 58.8. It’s customary at these times to remove any scores against Bangladesh, so let’s do that.

Now he averages 64.4.

Hopefully this form won’t last and having hit a hundred in each of South Africa’s warm-up matches, Amla’s clearly frittering away his reservoir of runs at the wrong time. The hirsute fool!

Dale Steyn

Think James Anderson with another 5mph of pace and no bad days.

Morne Morkel

Morne Morkel’s one we’re looking forward to seeing. He’s fast and ludicrously oversized. Not ludicrously oversized in a lanky Steve Harmison way, more in an undue pressure on the pituitary gland kind of way.

Hashim Amla beards a hundred

The verb ‘to beard’ means to carry out any action whatsoever whilst sporting a smashing beard.

India have been on a bit of a high after winning the interminable CB Series in Australia. They’re returning to earth at great speed now, after South Africa scored 540 in the first Test. Perhaps in light of India’s newfound fast-bowling strength, they should prepare green pitches and foresake their traditional low, slow turners.

That would be sad though. We’re against the homogenisation of pitches. A tour to a far-off land should be as different as different can be. Diversity is what makes cricket so intriguing.

Hashim Amla bearded a great many of South Africa’s runs. He was run out for 159 having bearded 20 fours.

He’ll be bearding well tonight.