If only there were an eighth one-day international between Australia and England

'Australia' v 'England'

What is the greatest mark of quality for any given one-day international? We’ve always thought that if a game features four wicketkeepers, that’s a pretty good sign. During the seventh one-day international between Australia and England, that dream was finally realised.

In many ways, this match represented a high water mark for one-day cricket. Due to resting, ripped tendons, rotation, retirement and rigor mortis, neither team was anywhere close to featuring the best 11 cricketers from that nation. Rigor mortis might be pushing it, although it has to be said that Arthur Dolphin wouldn’t have wasted a whole six balls making a duck like Steven Davies did.

The recruitment policy for both teams was akin to that of Jon Favreau’s character in My Name is Earl when he’s looking for fast food staff:

“Got all your fingers? Do they bend? I’ve been fooled before.”

The match also had the timeless quality of being a dead, already-decomposing match in a series long since won by Australia that was played out in front of a largely indifferent crowd a week or so before a World Cup in which most of the players on show won’t be featuring.

Unmissable.

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13 Appeals

  1. When his playing days were over, Dolphin became an efficient and popular umpire, known as the man who never wore a hat. Even on the hottest day he stood bare-headed in the middle.

  2. My Name Is Earl was a pretty good sitcom – shame it got cancelled without any sort of resolution, I thought the premise had a fair way to run (certainly more than this ODI series did).

  3. ‘Known as the man who never wore a hat.’

    Classic.

    “Jimmy the Hat”
    “Jimmy the Hat?”
    “Yeah.”
    “And did he always wear a hat?”
    “No he didn’t was the point. That he never wore a hat.”
    “How can you pick up on someone never wearing a hat?”

  4. Pleasepleaseplease tell me you’ve seen this KP ad

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=on-CvD_kMsQ&feature=player_embedded

    where Indians attempt to claim credit for his reverse hit.

  5. Alok –

    That’s extraordinary. Did they actually replace the boundary boards in the New Zealand clip with Pepsi adverts?

  6. King Cricket

    February 8, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    KP’s surprisingly high-pitched voice clearly isn’t suitable for the Indian market.

  7. Howard A. Catswell

    February 8, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    That was truly amazing. I do like his new deep voice.

    If the palti song was played during England games would KP’s performance improve?

  8. What the fuck is going on?

  9. And what’s that green fucker doing on my comment? Fuck off, green fucker.

  10. Ooh, I see you’re using Gravatar Avatars, or something. Not sure about the headline font, though, even if it does match the t-shirts

  11. So how come AP Webster gets a part of Philip Oakey’s face and I get something that looks like someone has coughed? I want Philip Oakey’s face!

  12. King Cricket

    February 8, 2011 at 11:36 pm

    AP Webster has chosen Phil Oakey’s face. You can select a different part of Phil Oakey’s face here.

    Indifference and non-selection is rewarded with continued use of the green beast.

  13. That’s better, although I realise now that none of the comments above make any sense at all.

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