Jonathan Trott joins Yorkshire

Jonathan Trott takes a vicious left hook FROM A GHOST

At least we think that’s what’s happened. As far as we can tell, Trott and a handful of others have signed for Yorkshire in time for the county’s tour to South Africa. Weirdly, there doesn’t seem to be any explanation why only seven of last year’s Championship-winning squad will be travelling. Maybe they’ve had a clear-out.

In what may be related news, Trott has also been passed mentally fit for England selection by the same ECB staff who let him train himself into a pit. If we’re reading today’s news correctly and he really has signed for Yorkshire, does that sound like the act of a man who is mentally fit? What kind of a person would willingly move to Yorkshire, even if only for a few years?

It could be that Trott is aiming to learn some superior vowel sounds. That is the only explanation we will accept. Kevin Pietersen once promised us that he would develop a ‘northern’ accent – whatever the hell that is – but he clearly didn’t, the lying shit.

We may have erroneously inferred the promise part of that promise, but if there’s one thing we’ve all learnt in the last month, it’s that you can take anything KP says and use it to reinforce whatever position you already hold. Our position was that he was looking to learn a better accent and we must therefore conclude that he reneged on that promise.

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16 Appeals

  1. There can’t be that many accents that don’t count as northern to someone from South Africa…

    Argentinian? New Zealander?

  2. In South African terms, of course, KP is a northerner compared with Jonathan Trott.

    I’m not at all sure that the photo depicts Trott being punched by a ghost, though.

    I think he is contorting his mouth in an attempt to say the word “pie” with a northern accent.

    Meanwhile, while mulling your question about the mental fitness of anyone who moves to Yorkshire for a few years, I was reminded that the nephew-in-law, Escamillo-Escapillo, crossed the Pennines for a few years for educational purposes – Leeds University if I recall correctly.

    What is your opinion of that kind of temporary trans-northern migration, KC? On reflection, it does appear to be a decidedly dodgy decision for a young Lanckey to make.

    • King Cricket

      October 29, 2014 at 8:07 am

      As we said, moving to Yorkshire, even temporarily, raises questions about the sanity of the individual in question. We will comment on this no further.

    • I lived in Yorkshire for four years, during my studies. Superficially I was studying Mechanical Engineering, but actually I was conducting top secret psychological experiments on behalf of the Lancastrian People’s Revolutionary Front of Lancashire (including Furness). The idea was to see whether Yorkshire folk would join the upcoming Northern Revolution and become a vassal state to the new United Lancastrian Kingdom, or whether they would fall back on the centuries of enmity built up when two sets of southerners fought each other over the best colour of flowers to have on a flag.

      In the end, we concluded that they were too interested in acting out an image of Yorkshire from the 1930s to even notice what was going on. As long as they could maintain the right to the phrase “God’s Own Country” in spite of all the evidence, refuse to modify articulation in any spoken vowel, see a collection of misogynistic old cricketers as the greatest people they had to offer, and consider Heartbeat to be a documentary, they were ‘appy. So, robbed of cannon fodder, the revolution was modified into an intellectual revolution in which all worthwhile ideas and culture would emanate from Lancashire. This was achieved with ease in the field of music, and was properly on track in sport until LCCC got relegated.

  3. I just discovered via random browsing of this site that about a month from now marks the five year anniversary of my first comment on this site. Holy shitballs! How this place has grown, blossomed, and flowered! Back then, we wrote inane comments about pretty much nothing, completely unlike these hectic modern times. Life was simpler then – IPL was just getting started, KP was barely disgruntled, Danny Morrison and L. Sivaramakrishnan were not seen talking in public, Mrs. Prior was happily perched on the lap of an American, Kamran Akmal was busy conceding byes, Warne’s face had that warm reddish glow induced by potentially harmful chemicals, Amir bowled a no-ball, Shoaib Akhtar contracted genital warts, and Ravi Shastri was about as insufferable as he is today.

    Here’s to another five years of pointless commenting *raises glass*.

  4. Impressive that in your avatar asthe TWC host, you get other people like Alex Bowden and King Cricket from manchester to ask questions to KP..

    • King Cricket

      October 29, 2014 at 8:08 am

      We were not the host. We merely supplied two of the questions and maybe they didn’t want to show favouritism in the ones they selected.

    • Ah so I misunderstood then. But then as KP would tell you, “Strauss is a doos”…

  5. Also, “Why dont nerves cripple you like they do to other people” is almost as fawning a question as a ECB-embedded-journalist would ask A.Cook?

  6. If Trott ever plays another Test match I will eat my chapeau

    • Is it garlic flavoured? Makes it more appetising I imagine. I trust not an MCC version which pretty much has to be against the Laws although not being an umpire I couldn’t say which one….

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