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Let’s second guess England’s selectors

Bowled on 22nd July, 2008 at 09:01 by
Category: England cricket news

Just prior to the second Test, someone swapped England’s selectors’ supply of mogadon-laced Danish pastries for a batch of E-number laden kids’ snacks. Rumour has it they ate that unnerving stretchy cheese from the advert. We don’t know much, but we do know that cheese should never stretch without the application of heat.

We call him 'Tambrose' for no real reasonBuoyed by their mind-addling repast, the selectors brought in a barely-known Antipodean roofer and promoted Tim Ambrose to number six on the strength of his seven-ball four at Lord’s. So what treats have they got in store for us come the next Test?

Well after showing admirable resilience with the bat, James Anderson will surely move up to number three in order to protect Michael Vaughan from the new ball. Stuart Broad will move up to four as the team’s strokemaker and also to protect Michael Vaughan from the newish ball.

For his part, Michael Vaughan seems likely to completely forgo his turn at batting in order to better protect him from the ball. He will be a coin-tossing, fielding only captain.

In order to protect Flintoff from too great a workload, England will field seven specialist bowlers. Darren Pattinson will retain his place and the attack will be bolstered by two more medium-pace swing bowlers. Mark Ealham seems a certainty and so does that guy with the funny accent who was playing in the park with his kids last weekend.

Vaughan will share the bowling responsibilities equally between James Anderson and Andrew Flintoff, keeping the other bowlers fresh for whenever some cloud finally appears.

South Africa are set to name an unchanged side.

This fielding positions T-shirt could actually be used for reference purposes

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  1. Reply
    Ceci   //   July 22nd, 2008 at 10:39

    Some things won’t change though. KP will stride to the crease to rapturous applause from the crowd and muttering from the Saffers, he’ll look good briefly then get out caught behind to muttering from the crowd and rapturous applause from the Saffers

  2. Reply
    Sarah, Canterbury   //   July 22nd, 2008 at 11:33

    My Sky stats friend told me yesterday that Broad has scored more Test runs in 2008 from fewer innings than Vaughan. Too much to hope that the selectors would drop the captain mid series, even if most England supporters think that’s what’s required. They seem only to be brave with the bizarre decisions.

    *cough* Pink Bobby *cough*

    (not that Kent could do with losing him as our squad isn’t big enough, so hurrah to stupid selectors!)

  3. Reply
    D Charlton   //   July 22nd, 2008 at 13:25

    Yes – hurrah for stupid selectors – they’re handing Durham the county championship. Leave Harmy and Colly alone – quite happy in the North-East.

  4. Reply
    SixSixEight   //   July 22nd, 2008 at 16:22

    But remember D Charlton we are talking about stupid selectors on hyperactive kids nosh – who knows when they will come down? Will Smith won’t be safe – scored a double century the other day and has as much first class experience as Pattinson!

    I thought KP was sterling value in this test – if only for the wild hyena like woops, and pack like bonding his exit elicited from the nutty Saffers. Top team behaviour!

  5. Reply
    Dada   //   July 22nd, 2008 at 17:25

    Broad has outscored his father when counting their first 11 tests! Send him in at 6!

  6. Reply
    D Charlton   //   July 23rd, 2008 at 09:24

    Damn that double-hundred… he’ll get picked to bat 6 and keep wicket…

  7. Reply
    Dave   //   July 23rd, 2008 at 17:59

    “That guy with the funny accent who was playing in the park with his kids last weekend”

    Matthew Hoggard?

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