10

Remember the worst picture of all time?

Bowled on 31st October, 2011 at 15:02 by
Category: Cricket bats in unusual places

If you don’t, it looks like this. And before that earned the title of ‘worst picture of all time’ there was this.

Both horrendous. Both making our spine do odd things even as they sit in unviewed tabs in our web browser.

Perhaps inspired by the fox-based horror in that photo, Dandy Dan sent us this:

Don't like looking away to write this caption IN CASE IT DOES SOMETHING

By way of explanation for this sociopathy, Dan writes:

Now on the face of it, not cricket related. But take a closer look. That’s some long barrier.

Saw it in a Steptoe-style shop yesterday and immediately thought of you. I’ve run the idea of buying it past Victoria, but I think my mallard duck shoe brush and various original Transformers dotted about the flat has filled my quota of, in her words ‘tat’.

Every time we look at it, we feel like there’s another one behind us. A moving one. With the same face. Looming.

No-one send us anything like this ever again.

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  1. Reply
    King Cricket   //   October 31st, 2011 at 15:04

    We’ve closed those tabs now, BUT THE FEELING PERSISTS.

    • Bert   //   October 31st, 2011 at 16:02

      Good taxidermy is very hard to find, so it looks like you’ve been lucky, Dan. A good taxidermist is able to arrange his victim in a posture that is perfectly wrong, close to being natural but distinctly not natural. I say “victim”, not “subject” or “animal” or something, because of course in proper taxidermy the animal is always left partially alive. All the motor functions are disconnected, but the animal is conscious and able to see FOR EVER. That’s the art of proper taxidermy – the entire life force of the animal screaming in silent agony is projected through its eyes directly to the viewer. They seem to scream “HELP ME! HELP ME!”, because that is exactly what they are screaming. That’s probably what you are sensing in the background, KC – the life-essence of the poor creature struggling in abject desperation to break free from the hell imposed on it by the taxidermist, which of course it NEVER WILL.

      If you look closely at the photo you can see all of this. Look closely. LOOK CLOSELY. STARE INTO ITS EYES!

      I hope that’s helped allay your fears of taxidermy. Happy Halloween.

    • King Cricket   //   October 31st, 2011 at 16:12

      Good taxidermy is an oxymoron.

      All that we pick up when we look into its eyes is a sense that we should back away and an equally strong sense that, if we do, we’ll back into something similarly horrific.

    • Deep Cower   //   October 31st, 2011 at 16:40

      That picture doesn’t seem to be half as disturbing as Bert’s description of it.

    • King Cricket   //   October 31st, 2011 at 16:57

      It is.

  2. Reply
    daneel   //   October 31st, 2011 at 20:24

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/donnad/hilariously-bad-lion-taxidermy

  3. Reply
    Howe_zat   //   October 31st, 2011 at 22:26

    Oh, so that’s what happened to Mr Fuzzles.

  4. Reply
    FEC   //   October 31st, 2011 at 23:25

    Grace Road doesn’t have many claims to fame but it’s the cricketing Mecca of dead vermin encased behind glass.

    Accept no substitutes.

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