Black is slimming, black is goodNot news exactly, more the reporting of the status quo, but if you’re the kind of website that publishes pictures of Rob Key as a pie in the sky, then you’re the kind of website that reports on the status quo – insofar as it relates to Rob Key.

Kent’s website says that Rob is pretty much exactly the same height and weight as we are. We resolutely do not look like Rob Key. There’s always the chance that we’re a full stone out with our own weight – we have trouble remembering self-measurements such as height, weight and age – but we’re pretty confident.

Rob really is quite trim these days. His former self still looms large in people’s memories though. This is probably because websites like this continue to publish ancient photos of him.

Well, enough. If we have even the slightest impact on the nation’s view of the man, then we must do more to support him. We genuinely want him back playing for England because winter is really really rubbish and if he were playing for England, he’d be on tour and every day would feel like our birthday.

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