Why David Warner doesn’t do ‘reading’

This week David Warner gave many people the impression that he thinks the activity known as ‘reading’ is some bizarre pastime reserved for 17th Century English gentlemen. Of the differences between himself and Chris Rogers, he said simply: “He reads a lot of books – I wouldn’t read a book.”

The reason he doesn’t read, however, is because he’s far too busy writing – because Warner, if you didn’t already know, is a published author.

And he can read. Oh how he can read. If you want proof, look no further than this entertaining video produced to promote his book, The Kaboom Kid. Our stumpy little moustachioed man really shows that autocue who’s boss.

Our favourite bit is: “I’m really exciteage to juice you.”

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14 Appeals

  1. Ah, the old by so-and-so with… credits. Big name gets the credit, other fella does all the work.

  2. I’m glad Warner told us that. You’d never have guessed he can’t, I mean, doesn’t read.

  3. “I’m really exciteage to juice you.” was one of the answers Bob Willis allowed for the orange in that quiz that Sam gave us.

    I’m pretty sure Warner had a ghostwriter, some of the words were quite long.

  4. My girlfriend thinks he stole that from Led Zep but i think that involved a lemon.

  5. Little Dave Warner
    Sat in the corner,
    Eating a Christmas pie;
    He put in his thumb,
    And pulled out a plum,
    And said “what the f*** am i supposed to rhyme with plum?

  6. Spoiler Alert. From ‘Playing Up’. Chapter One.

    “Davey Warner gripped the worn red cricket ball in his hand. His thumb traced the rough seam in the cracked leather before he found the right grip. He gave his shoulders a stretch and jogged lightly on the spot.

    ‘Game on,’ Davey said quietly to himself.”

    It turns out he bowls leg-breaks, and when his brother hits him for six, what is Davey’s response?

    “‘Stink!’ Davey pulled a face.”

    So it’s definitely fiction.

  7. Ermagherd. I’d assumed this was a somewhat premature autobiography, but no – it’s a whole SERIES of books – for kids, nonetheless.

    “But disaster strikes. Davey and his friends find out their new teacher is Mr Mudge, a strict grump who HATES cricket even more than he hates Year 6 boys, and thanks to bully Mo Clouter, they find themselves on detention. Which means no cricket.”

    Mo Clouter the bully. Insert your own joke here.

    • Don’t let his Highness see that. It could be a contender for new worst thing ever.

    • This one died of shock after hearing of England’s abject surrender in the second test. Minimal indifference here.

      I hear that Hitler didn’t take the news too well either.

    • Nice of them to Warner us in advance.

      Okay, so that one was terrible – but in my defence, so is this news.

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