Why did England lose to Ireland?

We know why. We worked out the reasons, then wrote them down, then asked Cricinfo to publish them – and they did.

Those of you who only read our Cricinfo stuff so that you can better appreciate the comments will be delighted to see that already one person appears to have taken us seriously (almost certainly not having read past the first line), while another has considered what England’s loss to Ireland means in terms of India’s bowling and fielding.

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20 Appeals

  1. Perhaps the Cricinfo commenters are aware of the way you talk about them on this website? Why don’t you try and extend the olive branch – perhaps write a reconcilliatory piece about why Sehwag is better than Jack Hobbs.

    (top piece btw)

  2. >>> Kevin O’Brien had the game set on “easy”
    If you can launch every other ball into the stands, it’s time to move up to “normal” or even “hard”.

    Top journalism that, but I’m not sure I agree with your conclusion – especially not for the longer form of the game. Winning a Test by an innings and 426 runs shortly before tea on the first day never gets old.

  3. And I agree with Howe Zat. Alan Tyers will be fuming that his effort wasn’t this funny.

  4. any excuse to use that neil smith picture.

  5. Does this mean the British have the worst bowling attack?

  6. Idiots, those commenters (except for Vikram, who says he’s here now – Hello Vikram, nice to have you along). Surely they were able to see that you were joking when they got to the line “…haircuts [have] no effect on performance”. Nobody who watches cricket regularly can think this way. Hairstyle has got to be at least 50% of a performance, and when combined with facial hair, I’m struggling to think of what other factors there could be.

    • Girth circumference for one. More clues probably in KC’s top trumps.

      Surely KC’s top trumps game is a more realistic representation of cricket than that stupid thing that was set to easy yestreday.

  7. A wonderful piece, marred however by the following statement:

    “However, World Cup cricket teams are not actually chosen on the basis of haircuts, primarily because it has no effect on performance.”

    Kevin O’Brien (That thing on his head)
    Malinga (Blonde locks)
    Zaheer (umm, something)
    Tendulkar (Mohawk)*

    For fuck’s sake, KC, look around. This cannot be an accident.

    * Admittedly this happens only in the 2015 WC, but the point stands.

  8. Wait, does this mean kevin will be batting soon for england too ?

    • He’ll need to sort out his haircut before the stewards would let him anywhere near the Lord’s pavilion.

      Ed Joyce and Eoin Morgan are very presnetable young fellows. Mud-free boots and everything.

  9. Have a question since I am not , clearly, English.
    If Irish and Scottish players can play for the English (and Welsh) cricket team (Eoin Morgan, Ed Joyce, Gavin Hamilton as far as I know), does this mean the English players can play for Ireland and Scotland too ? How does that work out anyway ?

    I do not understand the guidelines set by the ICC for people representing multiple countries.. There was Aussie born bowler playing for the Dutch in 2009 T20 (I forgot the name :(), before going on to play for Australia in less than a year. Here in this world cup is Kervezee talking about qualifying for England in November..

    If it were for me, I’d get rid of all these rules and let anyone play for any country. That way we will have more qualified teams with better competition. May be a good way for players from Test playing nations to help nurture talent in foreign countries.

    • It works roughly like this, Pavan. In days gone by, England “owned” everywhere in the world. That’s how we ended up with Basil D’Oliveira, The Nawab of Patawdi and Robin Smith. However, due to circumstances outside of the ECB’s (or TCCB as it probably was then) control, these rich sources of players were closed to the England selectors. Certainly most current MCC members didn’t like the change, and can be heard complaining about it even now.

      Anyway, back to the present. England still “owns” several other, smaller places. Included in this list are Scotland, Wales and Ireland (can you check that last one for me please?). Children in these places grow up desperately wanting to be English. “Why can I not be English?” they say to their mothers. So, when they grow into fully fledged cricketers, the ECB charitably allows them to be English until they become useless at cricket.

      I realise that this can be a tricky subject, but I think I’ve handled it with sensitivity.

    • Great idea Pavan, would we limit the choice of country to existing test-playing nations, associates or widen it to include the whole of the world? Could the top eleven all-rounders in the world get together and take the Federated States of Micronesia from cricket obscurity to world-domination?

    • Dirk Nannes. Yep, the drunk me has better memory.

  10. Delicatley done Bert. Sometimes people get emotional about the subject of English ownership, but you can congratulate yourself on deftly managing to sidestep any controversy.

  11. I was really hoping I’d come on here and find you’d ignored this result.

    Alas.

  12. This is not the bowling attack that won the ashes. The most has been 60% (one of them recoving from injury) and twice only 40% (Anderson and Swann) Swann is worth his place in an ODI side – Anderson – unless it’s swinging isn’t. No Finn or Tremlett Tremlett and Broad carrying an injury is a long way from the Ashes bowling attack. That’s like India without Zak and Harbajan and Sreesanth carrying an injury. ENglands probelms are firstly V poor selection and secondly the thought STILL that they should bounce sides out. Without Tremlett and Finn (and a fit Broad) this plan will fail and fail again. ANderson is bowling length balls in an ODI game. I don’t think he can bowl a genuine yorker, I don’t think he tries. Yorkers are taking wickets for fastmen in this SC. Tate, Zaheer, Malinga etc. England with 84mph bowlers are trying to bounce decent sides out on pudding pitches. Stupid stupid plan. They deserve to lose. FUCKWIT!!!

    • Mongoose Fan – are you really Marcus Trescothick?

      Surely nobody likes the Mongoose who hasn’t been paid to plug it?

  13. It was probably one of the biggest and best upsets in the history of cricket. England bowlers were outplayed by the dutch batsmen. They never hesitated to defend good balls and punish bad ones. Lets wait for more treats. Recently i read an article titled “cooling cricketers for the hot Indian weather”. It was really interesting. The mentioned article can be read at http://www.sinapseblog.com/2011/02/cooling-cricketers-for-hot-indian.html

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