2 minute read Got this ages ago. Didn’t dare ask what ‘OnZud’ meant in case it was something cool that we should have known. However, we also don’t want people to think we haven’t done our editing properly, so we’re having to draw attention to our ignorance in this opening paragraph anyway. Jayne
Continue readingMonth: June 2011
Broken-window-at-Lord’s-gate – the truth
< 1 minute read Matt Prior: I feel a profound sense of frustration at the cruel manner of my dismissal. What ought a man do to combat this uneasy sensation? Andrew Strauss: Smash that window, innit, brother. Matt Prior: Alas, my calm disposition prevents me from committing such brutish acts. At that exact moment,
Continue readingSome players won’t get to play a Test at Lord’s – who cares?
< 1 minute read The West Indies won’t be playing at Lord’s in 2012. Forget the rights and wrongs of Cardiff being the beneficiary, the issue here relates to the accessibility of live Test cricket. Cricket matches aren’t played for the benefit of the players. They’re played for spectators. As such, it makes little
Continue readingJonathan Trott bats too quickly
< 1 minute read In scoring at 77.33 runs per hundred balls, Jonathan Trott careered out of control, like a giant rubber ball belting down Snowdon. That’s the only reason we can come up with as to why he might have got himself out for 58. Or maybe he’s got a weakness against left-arm
Continue readingTillakaratne Dilshan pans a hundred and is arsed about it
< 1 minute read Tillakaratne Dilshan celebrated enthusiastically when he reached his hundred. Some will say it was because he’d got his name on the honours board at Lord’s, but we doubt that. Dilshan is the Sri Lanka captain and his team had embarrassed themselves in Cardiff and then done little to repair their
Continue readingAlastair Cook fails to respect the sequence
< 1 minute read Cook, Trott, Cook, Trott – we’re just starting to get the hang of writing about the England Test team when Alastair Cook spazzes one straight up in the air on 96. The idiot. Now what have we got? A load of half stories, that’s what. Alastair Cook scores most of
Continue readingCan lightning strike twice in the same place?
< 1 minute read It can if you install a lightning conductor to attract it. That’s preparation, that is. It’s no surprise that England mugged Sri Lanka in the first Test when there had appeared no danger, because they had been preparing to do precisely that all season, as detailed in our latest Cricinfo
Continue readingJade Dernbach chooses to use his ‘doing arm’
< 1 minute read Thanks to Sam for pointing this out – although he did make the mistake of saying “Jade Dernbach has got a tattoo on his doing arm,” which is not quite correct. In reality, the tattoo DENOTES the doing arm. Dernbach is merely acknowledging this by choosing to bowl right-handed –
Continue readingA not-at-all hubristic graph about England’s recent Test form
2 minute read Bert writes: Pride comes before a fall, they say. But surely that’s obvious. If you’re ever going to be proud, the time to do it is definitely BEFORE a fall. There’s nothing to be proud about AFTER the fall – you’re too busy being embarrassed and having grazed knees. With
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