Yes, football is kind of an arsehole, but we can’t really blame it for injuring our cricketers

Jonny Bairstow risking HIS WHOLE PRECIOUS GODDAMN LIFE by kicking a football (via YouTube)

Jonny Bairstow missed today’s England game because he twisted his ankle in training. So far, so unremarkable.

Jonny Bairstow missed today’s England game because he twisted his ankle playing football in training. BAN FOOTBALL!

Way back in 2009, Joe Denly knackered something-or-other while playing football with his England team-mates and  management did indeed decide to ban football.

At the time, it seemed like England’s cricketers were entirely unable to emerge from a half-arsed game of five-a-side without at least one person ending up on life support.

However, football was reintroduced for England’s cricketers in 2015 and since then there have been plenty of survivors. It could be that football isn’t actually monumentally dangerous. Maybe we just feel disproportionately outraged when injuries happen to cricketers during a game of football.

In one way, this is logical because football is an arsehole that annexes the majority of the sports pages for 12 months a year. In another way, it is illogical because if the players weren’t playing football they’d be bouncing around doing something else and someone or other would get injured somehow.

Injuries happen. Injuries are part of life.

Our friend Dan has a scar on his face. It is a very cool scar. If you had to guess what had caused it (and you didn’t know Dan at all well) there is about an 80 per cent chance you would go with ‘back alley knife fight’.

That would be incorrect, however. The true cause of the scar was in fact ‘careless removal of a T-shirt’.

Thinking it was a fine time to have a shower, Dan went to remove his T-shirt using a double-handed, bend-at-the-waist technique and he did so while standing on the landing of his home. He carried out his T-shirt-removal manoeuvre quite forcefully and in the process head-butted the newel post at the top of the bannister. It took him about 16 years to reveal the true cause of his injury to his brother and now that we think about it, it wasn’t even him that did so, it was us.

The point is that if you can near-enough knock yourself out disrobing, you can sustain an injury doing pretty much anything. Rob Key says playing football brings a cricket team together and that the good outweighs the bad and frankly that’s good enough for us.


YO!


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11 Appeals

  1. Imagine if a bunch if football players got injured playing cricket before a match — them managers would lose their shit. There is absolutely nothing wrong with blaming all of world’s ills on football (and golf).

  2. Perhaps they should replace football with netball.

  3. Fred has got a new job. The BBC article announcing this calls him “Ashes-winning former cricket captain Flintoff” – a description which is true in every detail but feels somewhat misleading overall. Better than being “former boxer Flintoff” I suppose?

  4. Glenn McGrath injured his ankle on a cricket ball minutes before an Ashes test. Ban cricket!

  5. Bert Jr. has a scar on his forehead, acquired only last week, glued up at Wythenshawe A&E. So far so unremarkable. As you rightly say about injuries, scars go with the territory of being a child at some point in your life (although he is 16 now). It was what he said to the triage nurse when she asked him about it that made it a touch more worthy of comment.

    I was hiding in a bush, and someone came running through it and they didn’t see me, and their gun hit me in the head.

    It’s the concatenation of all possible future events that hits you in circumstances like this. They all appear at once. You hear the phone call, the sirens, the interviews, the cell doors slamming, and all this puts you off what should be your calm explanation. Instead you blurt it out – “He was playing laser quest”, too quickly, too abruptly, way too suspiciously. Maybe you force a laugh. And then it’s two hours of sitting in a spotlight of paranoia as all the nurses and doctors get on with their jobs way too pointedly.

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