At number three you will find only an exit door

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Time was, if a batsman needed to get a drink in the Last Chance Saloon, he donned his whites and went to number six. If he turns up there now, he’ll find that Ben Stokes has taken out a long-term lease on the premises. The Last Chance Saloon has moved up the street to number three.

Previously at number three, Gary Ballance has been kicked out. Ian Bell, who ain’t in great shape himself, will therefore move up to the spot that is increasingly appropriately referred to as ‘first drop’. Jonny Bairstow will materialise at five, doubling England’s wicketkeeper count and therefore chances of success.

Should Bell fail, England will presumably bring in an opener. This would allow Adam Lyth to drop down a spot to signify he is whatever the exact opposite of ‘next cab off the rank’ is.

63 comments

  1. Ominous. Bluey was dominating county cricket in 2012. Got picked, then dropped. Next year Gary Ballance did the same, got picked, now dropped.

    plus ca change, plus ca la meme chose

    1. I still need:

      – the orange
      – the pile of candies or whatever
      – the knight
      – the sun made of legs
      – the judge wigs
      – the hare/rabbit
      – the guy with the food item of some sort
      – the long yellow bread-looking thing
      – the guy with the umbrella

  2. I too am stuck on the guys with a swiss roll and an umbrella and the raised bit of pavement the rabbit hopped over

    1. The pavement one is dumb because it’s what the word actually is, but on pavement for some reason.

  3. I’d tried raised seam, damaged seam, cheating Pakistan bowlers, not the obvious. Still stuck with the green globe with some lighter bits of green on it.

    1. You’re overthinking it. Ignore that it looks raised or damaged in some way.

      Who often wears green with lighter bits of green on it?

  4. We might need Bert to solve the last 2 or 3, he is great at that because he doesn’t think like normal people.

  5. I’m still lost, is 50 Shades of Green a new movie? I’ll help you with the knight looking.

    1. Spin bowler’s delivery. As is the rabbit, albeit not such a good one.

      Now, can anyone help me with:
      -The knight;
      -The car;
      -Lollipop man;
      -The bunsen (which is apparently not a bunsen);
      -The picture of a bat;
      -The exams;
      -Brolly man
      please?

    2. Brolly man is doing something which might occasionally be called upon to assist England in their less advantageous predicaments…

      What’s the car? I’ve tried every variation of drive I can think of… is it a new shot in the IPL I’ve not heard of yet?

      The lower leg in a cast (not leg stump!)?

      The picture of a bat?

      The ruler/tape measure?

      The guy sitting with a Swiss roll?

    3. Pray for rain? Hope for rain? Rain dance? I’m still lost here. 🙁

      Car and roll man I’m also stuck on.

      Think about what sort of leg might be in a cast.

      The bat picture, I’ve worked out, is not a picture. It’s on a type of device.

      And there’s a tick on the tape measure signalling some sort of approval.

    4. Thankyou, up to 28 now, just swiss roll/lollipop guy and the car.

      You got the brolly man with one of your guesses above! Maybe try with different punctuation…

      The Bunsen is rhyming slang.

      Think of a synonym for exams.

      The knight is there to protect his superior(s)…

      PS. got the car – it’s slang, innit!

    5. I’m still not terribly impressed with the knight. Not obviously that he’s watching anything.

      Ho hum, just roll-man for me too.

    6. For the purposes of this quiz it is a Swiss roll and not a lollipop. And it’s important where said roll resides on the man’s person.

  6. The legs in the sky are moving in some fashion, but you can’t see this because it’s a still image and they couldn’t be bothered.

  7. The one that’s really irritating me is the bunsen burner. I presume I just haven’t got the spelling quite right: I’ve tried “bunsen”, “bunsen burner”, “turner”, all to no avail. Please help, kind men of the kingdom.

  8. That’s it, I am done! I’ll share my 4 ODI tickets and octopus toy with those of you I deemed most helpful.

    1. You mean in the WAshes? (I’m claiming that one). Great cricket win there. But the test match is only twice as important as each ODI now – that can’t be right, can it?

    2. Twice as important as a T20, no more. 😡 I’m still interested in the first four matches, but the series as a whole has gone a bit farcical.

    1. The leg in the cast was infuriating… Legstump! Yes! No? Legcut?? No? Obvious once you get it though.

    2. It’s leg break, isn’t it. I’m not even going to put it in. How utterly depressing that it took me a day to get that.

  9. I am pants at this, I have no idea on ones that everyone else got

    Can I have a hit or two for

    Wigs
    Giant question mark
    Log with S
    Sheets
    Clown
    Willis on a space hopper
    bowling ball with Y
    Chip

    please?

    1. They’re all much simpler than they seem. Don’t over-think it. Look at the thing and say what it is. Except the giant question mark one.

    2. Thesaurusrus provided this clue that helped me: “Ged is always appearing at the answer to the judges wigs.”

      As for the question mark, think Heisenberg.

  10. Wasn’t there another one just like this a year or two ago? One with a table that has a short leg, fine leg and square leg. It was set on a field rather than on a building.

    Anyone remember what that was called?

  11. 50+ comments?

    Looks like I picked the wrong day to be living 8 hours behind everyone else.

    1. If Gazza was to stumble upon (having lost his BALLANCE, eh readers?!) this article and see the huge comment count, he’d be justified in thinking we were at least discussing his omission from the squad for the third test, perhaps even lamenting this seemingly harsh decision by the selectors?

      Imagine his ensuing disappointment.

    1. ‘Nother term for the centre of the bat. Can be exchanged with “meat”, funnily enough.

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