Tag: Rob Key (page 1 of 5)

A new source of images – so obviously we just went and found a load of Rob Key photos

Getty has got a thing that allows us to embed images. They say it’s free to use and entirely legal – although with Getty being famously litigious when it comes to unauthorised use of their photographs, we still feel a little nervous, like they’re luring is into a trap or something.

Nevertheless, we wanted to take a look at what kind of thing might be available, so needless to say the first thing we did was carry out a search for ‘Rob Key’.

The results feature a surprisingly heavy emphasis on this kind of thing.

However, don’t think for one minute that there’s nothing but Rob in whites looking a bit sad after losing his wicket against Essex.

Because sometimes he’s wearing coloured clothing while in the very process of losing his wicket against Essex.

And at other times he’s wearing coloured clothing, in the process of losing his wicket against Essex, but photographed from the opposite side.

But there are some truly spectacular moments too.

Take this photo of him in profile, for example.

And finally, here’s the Queen getting to shake him by the hand – the lucky bitch.

Can’t wait to see none of these photos show up in the daily email and for this post to make precisely zero sense to all our subscribers as a consequence.


EXCLUSIVE! Rob Key’s position on snow revealed!

Rob Key

And by ‘exclusive’ we mean that we reported information that was already publicly available for a third party before pointing you towards it from here.

This week’s Twitter round-up has just gone up on Cricinfo. Critics are calling it ‘recently published and currently without comments’.

Needless to say, we’ve led with Rob Key and later on it also features something called ‘The Big Wedge’ which is surely deserving of your time.

If today’s King Cricket update and the somewhat ‘less is more’ nature of our entire output this week has left you wanting more, you might also think about signing up for Cricket Badger.

You’ve missed this week’s, but there should be another instalment around 10am next Friday. Critics are calling it ‘weekly’.


A quite possibly harrowing development involving a car number plate

Bert writes:

It’s been months now since The Revered One departed this plane of existence and ascended to the Sky (Sports studio). Such elevation cannot but affect a man, but I must say I had thought that Robert the Great would be immune, that he would be able to maintain his humbility and humilness. After all, that’s why he is worshipped across the land.

So it was with considerable shock and disappointment that I came across this car parked just outside Wembley last Saturday. Surely not, I thought. Surely this is some sort of joke. But there it was, parked right in front of me, challenging my denials with its stubborn existence.

Rob Key's car

There are other possibilities, of course. Maybe this was some other Key, Derek Key for instance, a sales executive from Tring. Maybe this was un homage from a committed Keyist. Maybe this was just a random set of letters and numbers that only coincidentally represents the lad Rob. But the likelihood of any of these being true is extremely small. It was just my shipwrecked imagination desperately clinging to some driftwood of hope that came up with these nonsenses.

No, I fear we must accept the truth, that Rob Key is the kind of person who has a Range Rover with a personalised registration on which he describes himself as Boss. In other words, a wanker.


Rob Key and the art of being selective in one’s giving of shits

Rob Key

If you’re wondering where we’ve been, we’ve unfortunately been too busy writing things to write things. One of these written distractions was about Rob Key.

Cricinfo gave it the coveted midnight on a Friday slot at the top of the homepage, clearly of a mind that this would be perfect for Key fans who would almost certainly be hitting city centre bars until the early hours before returning for a light spot of reading before bed.

It briefly mentions warehouses, biscuits and Ini Kamoze and we misquote Kevin Keegan, but it’s mostly a fairly straightforward look back on Key’s career. We didn’t think Cricinfo would want our usual Key tone. Maybe we were wrong.

Don’t think that we didn’t get carried away though. We overshot our target word count by 100 per cent and only succeeding in hacking it back to 50 per cent over. Fortunately, they let us off though on the grounds that “it’s not every day that Rob Key retires.”


A Rob Key themed cryptic crossword

Almost certainly the finest Rob Key themed cryptic crossword you will encounter today.

Compiled by Bert.

As ever, there are no fantastic prizes.

You can also download a PDF version here.

Click here for the answers.

Rob Key Crossword


This is how you share a Rob Key picture with the world, you bloody idiots

Photo by Sarah Ansell

Photo by Sarah Ansell

Rob Key has retired. It is a sad day. We’re going to don a black cardigan instead of a beige one by way of mourning. We will wear it for 221 minutes in tribute to the number of runs Rob once made in a single Test innings.

Adam Gilchrist’s highest Test score was 204.

You lose again, Adam Gilchrist.

But the truth is, today we all lose. Adam Gilchrist loses the most, but we all lose a little bit. The sky is greyer; the sun is colder; our wrinkles are deeper; and luxury goods are slightly more expensive. Everything is worse. Even this cup of tea is worse. It has slightly too much milk in it. That never would have happened yesterday.

Yesterday Rob Key was still plying his trade as the greatest cricketer in the history of the planet. Today he is playing golf. That isn’t even a joke. We saw it on Twitter. This might just be the most depressing paragraph ever written.

Speaking of Twitter, every now and again we happen across SimonC’s marvellous Rob Key creation which first appeared on this website back in 2009. People often republish it. Quite often they send it to Rob Key himself. If we were on Facebook, we daresay we’d see it there too.

As magnficient as the work is, it makes us sad that no-one ever gives it a proper build-up any more.

For the full effect, this is how it works…

You read this.

Then this.

Then this.

Then this.

Now you’ve earned it.

That’s how you publish a funny picture.

Even worse, the people thoughtlessly bandying the image about on social media don’t even know that Rob’s astride a capybara because he’s part of the Hindu pantheon and the capybara is his vehicle.

WHAT KIND OF AN IDIOT DOESN’T KNOW THAT?

We’re putting this post in the ‘England’ category because Rob did play for England and would have done so again if he could have been bothered. Which he couldn’t.

You may well be tempted to wade into the Rob Key archives of this website in a forlorn bid to soften the pain of this dank event. If you do, this is the hub. Don’t neglect the posts on the old site. We used to write songs about him back then. If you can hold back the tears, we could all have a singalong (separately, without making any actual contact with one another).

Rob Key.


You’re in the wrong place

Because honestly, what’s the point updating this website on a day when someone else has published a Rob Key interview?

It reminds us why we like him.

What is the best thing about playing cricket at Canterbury?
There’s a Sainsbury’s at the ground.

Ever since 2008, we’ve had a draft post saved on this site with the title ‘Rob Key interview’. The intention was to painstakingly compile the questions that would comprise the perfect interview should the opportunity ever arise.

We haven’t looked at it in years, but we just opened it now and it contained precisely one question…

“If you were a member of late-Nineties wrestling team, Too Cool, who would you be? Scotty Too Hotty or Grandmaster Sexay?”


Modern technology has brought us this

Kent batsman, Mike Powell, published this yesterday. For those of us who don’t take in all our information via a telephone, it’s worth rotating our monitors through 90 degrees for.

However, just to be clear, we still do not approve of dancing. As a liberated physical expression of joy, it flies in the face of our entire life philosophy – mainly because our crippling insecurity about what everyone else is thinking about us means we can’t do it.

Thanks to Sarah, Canterbury for bringing this to our attention.


A pigeon being conspicuously indifferent to Rob Key

The Dawg writes:

I’m all for animals being conspicuously indifferent to cricket, but have you seen who is at the crease?

Maybe it's working as a steward

This is taken from a Kent v Surrey T20 game at the Oval. That pigeon should show more respect.

If you’ve got a picture of an animal being conspicously indifferent to cricket, send it to king@kingcricket.co.uk.


Rob Key and “ha ha”-gate

Rob Key’s on Twitter now. We knew we had to make contact, but we were painfully aware that we’ve spent the last three or four years being mental about him on the internet. This made the situation a little awkward.

We knew Rob had seen the greatest post of all time, so we asked him if he happened to have a website where he’d published weird pictures of us, saying it would make the situation easier for us if he had.

Rob said:

“Ha ha”

During a sleepless night, we considered this response at great length. It could mean three things.

  1. Rob thought we were funny and expressed this using the words ‘ha ha’
  2. Rob thinks we’re annoying and gave a shortened, sarcastic laugh using the words ‘ha ha’ rather than ‘ha ha ha’
  3. Rob was talking to someone else

After many hours of deliberation, we have decided that Rob thought we were funny. Furthermore, we have also concluded that we are now, unquestionably, ‘best friends forever’.

Despite our BFF friendship status, Rob isn’t following us on Twitter which means that hopefully he won’t see these demented ramblings (unless one of you grasses us up).

Finding out that we write entire posts based on the words ‘ha ha’ might cripple his interaction with us somewhat.


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