Australia cricket news

Australia’s Twenty20 selection policy

Sam writes:

Greetings, King Cricket readers. I would like to share some facts with you. Everyone loves a good fact. Here they come.

• George Bailey is the new captain of Australia’s Twenty20 team
• He is the first player since Dave Gregory in 1877 to be named captain in his first international match in any format
• Dave Gregory was captain in the first ever Test Match
• George Bailey’s career domestic Twenty20 average is 27.6, with a highest score of 60
• George Bailey has scored one Twenty20 half century in the last three seasons
• In his last domestic Twenty20 match Bailey was bowled by Brad Hogg for 4
• On February 6 Brad Hogg will be 41 years old
• Brad Hogg has been recalled to the Australian Twenty20 squad
• Brad Hogg retired from international cricket in 2008

India’s nuts need tightening

Their wheel nuts. Don’t be crude.

It’s not so much that India keep losing Test matches that’s depressing, it’s the way that they lose them: the wheels keep coming off.

In England and Australia, India have collectively averaged 24.5 with the bat and 56.97 with the ball. To put that in perspective, they’d be better off fielding 10 Ajit Agarkar’s and a wicketkeeper. Criticism doesn’t come much more damning.

They sometimes start well – as they did in Adelaide (84-3) – but once it starts to get away from them, that’s it; they get pounded like unresponsive dough (604-7). It saddens us a lot and we’re not even Indian.

Meanwhile…

Australia take the positives like deprived addicts

Which is essentially what they are. They LOVE being super-positive for no real reason, yet they haven’t had much reason to feel confident until recently. Cue a self-aggrandisement binge.

Australians feel like world-beaters if they manage to put their socks on without falling over, so comprehensive Test victories basically psyche them up to laughably cartoonish levels.

Annoyingly, it doesn’t much matter whether the confidence is justified or not. It’s still real and it still helps them play well in the next match.

Ricky Ponting earns a hundred

There have been times when we’ve thought that a fat man doing naked limbo in the office would have more dignity than Ricky Ponting. However, he can have his moments.

He often speaks well these days and he seemed dignified when he reached 100 against India at the SCG as well. This might seem an odd thing to say considering he had a mouthful of turf, a dislodged helmet and a stain on his front that made it look like a giant had used his shirt as toilet paper, but it was the way he reacted that made an impression on us.

He was happy. He was genuinely delighted. He wasn’t jumping around, punching the air and bellowing swear words at the sky. He was just sort of dusting himself down and smiling.

He was unarsed about looking like a complete dickhead. It was a triviality compared to the hundred he’d been working towards for almost two years. We’d say he deserved it and the effort is why he so obviously appreciated it.

Fit and misfiring

We don’t try and steer clear of stupidity altogether – that would be unrealistic – but we do generally try and avoid saying anything too moronic until both sides have batted. Even so, we’re tempted to get in early today after India were again bowled out easily by Australia.

India have some good bowlers, but a first innings lead seems unlikely. MS Dhoni has been quick to point to the injuries his team were suffering when they lost to England, but that doesn’t apply here. The batting is letting them down. The only question is whether Australia’s batting will let them down to an even greater degree.

It is now exactly a year since Gautam Gambhir did anything of any consequence. That’s nowhere near our personal best, but people are starting to write articles about him. Does our lack of effort not warrant the same recognition?

Making sense of Test victories and defeats

The Test world is a baffling place right now. There’s more uncertainty than when the cat finds himself equidistant from some food and an open door.

Australia are worse at home than they used to be, but India are worse away than they have been in recent times, so what does an Australian win mean?

India’s batsmen collapsed. Are they old? Are Australia’s young bowlers really good? Or did the pitch deteriorate? After all, Australia collapsed too. Then again, they often do at the minute, most notably against South Africa – although that’s hardly surprising because the Saffers have such a strong pace attack.

Or do they? Pitches there have been greener than a seasick parrot in recent times, but the bowlers haven’t outdone their opposite numbers. South Africa drew 1-1 with Australia and are currently 1-1 with Sri Lanka as well. Maybe it’s the batting that’s letting them down. Maybe it isn’t.

Sri Lanka themselves were comfortably beaten by Pakistan. Most people concluded that Sri Lanka were struggling, but maybe Pakistan are amazing.

The good news is that Sri Lanka play another Test in South Africa, while India will play three more Tests in Australia, which should help clarify some of this.

That bloody two-Test series between South Africa and Australia is where all this uncertainty came from. It raised questions and answered none. In cat terms, it added a comfy bed to the food-and-open-door situation, leaving us in a pain-faced, miaowing, triangular limbo.

Another Test, another Australian batting collapse

It was only just over a month ago when South Africa were given the most memorable of lessons by Australia. In being dismissed for 96, South Africa thought they’d set the standard when it came to batting collapses, only to see their opponents proudly stumble to a score of 47 all out in response.

Seemingly unaware of Australia’s predilection for buckling as easily as a child’s belt, India chanced their arm on the third day of the Boxing Day Test at the MCG, falling from 214-2 to 282 all out. “Less of that,” said the Aussies and promptly self-detonated, losing their first four wickets for 27 runs.

It was the kind of stirring stuff that brings a tear to the eye. David Warner’s ugly flail and inside edge onto his stumps seemed like it would be a high point until Shaun Marsh did the exact same thing. There’s a certain nobility in that; a suicidal conviction akin to dashing your own brains out on a tree even when there are quicker, less painful options available to you.

India won’t be doing that again. Don’t mess with the best when it comes to batting collapses.

The Boxing Day Test tradition

We couldn’t remember whether we did anything on the site for Christmas. Turns out we don’t. The closest we’ve come is wishing everyone a happy Boxing Day Test Eve.

The Boxing Day Test is a great tradition. There are a great many things that make cricket better than other sports and this is certainly one of them. For Australians and South Africans, good weather and time off work combine to make this a time of optimism and levity. What better way to enhance this than with a Test match? It doesn’t matter if you’re not in the ground – repeatedly abandoning the barbecue because you’ve heard a wicket fall on the TV inside is one of life’s great pleasures.

For Brits, Christmas is a time of pessimism and trying to drink through the emotional pain barrier. Here too the Boxing Day Test serves a valuable service. Firstly, it’s something to look forward to at the end of Christmas Day. Secondly, it’s a reminder that the seasons cycle and cricket will be back soon enough.

Seeing cricket played in daylight on TV is like a window into the future. It reminds you that you don’t live in a drizzly land of permanent twilight. You live in a drizzly land where it’s night for only half the year. The days are now lengthening. Cricket approaches.

Also, this Boxing Day is the first anniversary of The Day. We will forever be thankful for that.

Ed Cowan and other good Australian batsmen

We told you Australia had bottomed out. Logic has penetrated their camp and infected a handful of people. We’re worried it might spread.

First of all, Ed Cowan comes into the side (or “Cricket With Balls’ own Eddie Cowan” as Jarrod would have us refer to him). He replaces Phillip Hughes, meaning Australia have added a batsman to their team. Cowan’s season has therefore been as successful as his book about last season. This contrasts sharply with the man we always thought would be opening for Australia around this point in time.

Phil Jaques has only played two matches for New South Wales this season. Triple back surgery rather stalled his career and he’s never really got back to playing how he once did. Even worse, he’s now suffered the ignominy of having hit an eye-catching fifty in the Big Bash. And he’ll be turning out for Yorkshire next year, the poor sod.

Another with back problems is Shaun Marsh. He returns to the Australia squad as well, which is eminently sensible, because Shaun Marsh is ace. They are talking about not picking him however, which is reassuring. Maybe someone will develop an antidote to logic that can be used before too many people are afflicted.

Is everyone TOTALLY PSYCHED about the Big Bash?

There’s another Twenty20 league on the horizon. Kieron Pollard’s in it. Shahid Afridi’s in it. Alfonso Thomas is in it.

Chris Gayle’s in it too. He’ll be playing in Sydney and he’s really looking forward to being there.

“What do you call it: Bond Beach? Bondi? I will be there. I don’t like swimming or going in the water, but I’ll be there posing. I’ve been looking after my body so I have a lot to offer by posing.”

According to Cricket Australia, the Big Bash League is the most important development since agriculture. This stance is in no way undermined by the fact that Phillip Hughes is skipping it on the grounds that he wants to get better at cricket.

PJ Hughes c Guptill b Martin

Maybe if you’re very lucky this Christmas, you’ll get a gift that is so good, you simply don’t know what to do with it. That’s how we feel about Phil Hughes being caught by Martin Guptill off the bowling of Chris Martin for the fourth time in four innings. It’s so perfect, there’s really nothing to add.

We’ve heard of bowlers having a bunny before, but not fielders.

Picture the scene:

New Australia coach, Mickey Arthur, is wearing a Chris Martin mask. Phil Hughes is padded up with bat in hand and he’s standing in front of some stumps. Behind him, at an angle, is a life-size cut-out of Martin Guptill.

“Okay,” says Arthur. “In this drill, what you have to do is avoid being caught out by Martin Guptill. You can hit the ball in the air through 350 degrees, but if it goes in that sliver towards Guptill, you’re out. If you keep the ball on the floor, you can hit it anywhere. You can also leave it – and for the purposes of this drill, if the ball hits the stumps, you will not be considered out. All you have to do is not hit the ball in the air at Martin Guptill.”

Phil Hughes nods, with a slightly frightened look in his eye and gets into his stance. Mickey Arthur then gently underarms the ball to him, aiming at his legs. Hughes backs away and slices it into the middle of the Guptill cut-out. “Keep working at it,” cries Michael Clarke from somewhere nearby.

By the way, regarding Australia’s batting collapses, we were wrong to blame the top order. If you lose eight wickets for 74 runs, you can’t blame the opener who finishes with 123 not out.