Want to make a fortune in marketing?

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< 1 minute read

Time to judge this year's gimboid contest

Then a chronic inability to spell people’s first names shouldn’t hold you back:

“England cricketers Andrew Strauss, Alistair Cook and Eion Morgan put the Jaguar XJ through its paces”

At least they got ‘Andrew’ right. One out of three isn’t too bad and the surnames are all spot-on. Good work. Were they joined by anyone else on this track day?

“They were joined by ex-Formula One driver Martin Bundle”

Dear Lord. Even we know that’s not his surname and the only thing we know about cars is that they’re bastards who let you down every now and again.

Maybe this is ultra-sophisticated marketing, targeted at pedants who run sports websites.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. I don’t think ‘John’ has ever read KC before.

    For that, I discard him.

    Best post of the year KC – had the office in stitches. And then ‘John’s’ comment made it all the better.

  2. Here’s an interesting question:

    If an obscure blog post gets three or more tweets, can you tell Jaguar that the marketing campaign has ‘gone viral’?

  3. Going viral is in theory a good thing but I think this is going viral with negative mentions….I made similar comments on Cricket Burble. I particularly liked the final sentence of what Strauss is meant to have said: “It’s got everything I need: superb performance, a luxury interior, sleek design and with all that boot space, I can fit my cricket bag in without any problems too!”

    Seriously, everyone knows the quotes in press releases are put together by a PR person, but to suggest the he mentioned 4 selling points of the car in one sentence is clearly taking all cricket fans for idiots!

  4. Has Strauss been having problems finding a car that he can fit his cricket bag in? I might suggest that he hasn’t been looking hard enough, because I’m fairly sure that 99% of all cars can fit his cricket bag in without any of the problems he implies he has.

    Anyway, enough of this. If we’re in a discarding mood, I discard the Jaguar Marketing Division for not putting enough effort into their press release. It’s naff, but it’s not supremely naff. Why didn’t they give their stooges some cricket terminology to shoe-horn into their statements?

    “I’m known for superb drives, but the XJ drives better than I do.”

    “Plenty of space, even if you’ve got a long leg, and there’s room for a third man in the back.”

    “This is a car that really pushes the boundaries.”

    “I like to dab the ball just backward of point for a single, but this car has a steering wheel.”

  5. Bert, you clearly don’t know the rules when it comes to cricket press releases. The only acceptable cricket phrases are the following:

    • Googly
    • Hit for six
  6. I bet John.Smith has been hit for six by this website – or maybe bowled over by a googly thrown by this website.

    Fight fire with fire, KC.

  7. You missed two:

    Whenever women are involved, there’ll be Maidens – and people in press releases are often Stumped – or Not Stumped – by stuff.

  8. Let’s not be too judging of John Smith. He might be an Australian, and I’m pretty sure that finding the funny side of anything is a bit tricky for an Australian today.

  9. I sympathise with John, I was wondering the same thing when I started following this blog :o(

  10. Hi

    I work with the Barmy Army and saw your post. Thats hillarious!

    For anyone travelling out to Australia this winter for the Ashes or just for some fun check The Barmy Army’s guide to the Ashes. It includes information on the best places to hang out, accommodation and things to see in Brisbane, Adelaide, Perth, Melbourne and Sydney. To down load your free copy, please go to http://tiny.cc/933cn

  11. That comment from Hayley is some post-modern head phuck.

    And she can’t use apostrophes.

    Can I discard more than one person in a day? Is that cruel/allowed?

  12. I do like the pic of the 3 misspelt heroes – they all have their cardies tied round their waists though – is this what racing drivers do?

  13. Dear KC,

    If you have not seen the advert for people who make people not bald anymore, which features Artball Vaughan and Shane Warne playing poker with pictures of people who’ve had their rugs done, please watch it and write something funny on the topic. If this is a stretch, just watch it. You won’t regret it, I promise. It’s maybe more cringeworthy than the one with Dirk Nannes doing a dance.

    “I see your Gregg Chappell, and I raise you Graham Gooch”.


  14. Two discards in one day is both cruel AND allowed. However, John might be an Australian (aww, poor thing), and Hayley has the BEST JOB IN THE WHOLE OF THE WHOLE WORLD.

    Basically she gets to browse cricket websites all day, carefully waiting for exactly the right moment to insert a subtle piece of marketing into the thread. Then she can play her cunning mind-games with us all by beautifully disguising her advert with both her lack of grammatical precision and the absence of a sub-editor. Seeing through this level of word play takes a brilliant mind and a vast amount of skill and control. Not everyone can BOOK WITH US FOR THE ASHES YOU BASTARDS see through it like I can.

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