Australia and New Zealand are of a similar standard based on minimal evidence

In other words, they didn’t get enough overs in for messrs Duckworth and Lewis to put their umbrella-holding hands up and come to the rain-affected party.

Aside from David Warner’s performance ferrying drinks, this match was perhaps most notable for Dan Vettori’s immobility. His Achilles tendon problems necessitate saline injections to inhibit the pain. Kyle Mills says he’s okay getting his toast and cereal for breakfast but struggles on the field. You can tell.

It’s most striking because of how much Vettori’s visibly changed since he first appeared in international cricket. Back then, he was a scrawny thing who stood out because he wore glasses. Now no-one notices the glasses and he’s a huge, lumbering bear of a man with walking difficulties.

Time, eh? It passes. Each day your body becomes incrementally more decrepit until you suddenly notice that one of the components no longer functions at all. At that point, you may regret not using it more. However, it’s important to remember that you didn’t do the things you didn’t do for a reason – you couldn’t be bothered.

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9 Appeals

  1. I thought Vettori actually bowled pretty well. Maybe he’s going to have a career boost now he’s carrying a bit of extra timber. Everybody loves a rotund cricketer. Something about Rob Key. I’m tired.

    • He bowled alright but in the field he made me look athletic (I’m not athletic).

      I like the title policy you’ve adopted KC, but I’d have probably plumped for there being enough evidence to say NZ were superior.

    • Wasn’t there a hover caption joke somewhere with that first picture, about Vettori getting hit out of the ground?

    • King Cricket

      June 13, 2013 at 11:39 pm

      We have only ever used photographs which we have permission to use, so that definitely didn’t happen on this website and the post in question certainly won’t have been deleted due to fear of legal reprisals.

    • I wrote a hugely amusing caption for that first photo, which was then immediately and massively upstaged by someone who wrote:

      “Any details on when the invisible hover racers are being properly released? Danny does look like he’s having so much fun in his loaner.”

      And you don’t need to worry, KC. The picture never appeared on the website, just as a link. So this website maintains its reputation for being entirely unsullied by content.

    • It’s also a good reason to re-read the article it first appeared in, which remains one of the very finest.

      http://www.kingcricket.co.uk/jesse-ryder-adds-weight-to-new-zealands-middle-order/2009/03/26/

    • King Cricket

      June 14, 2013 at 11:27 am

      We sometimes wonder whether we can recall a single thing we’ve written.

  2. That’s quite enough of all this caper. Talking about extravagance, have a looks this article. I note the contrast between the writer’s rather florid sense of description and the dour subject of it, one Jonathan Trott:

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/blog/2013/may/31/england-batting-order-trott-compton-slow

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