Middlesex v Sussex Twenty20 match report

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Sam writes:

The ICC Twenty20 Bonanza (or whatever it was called) caught the imagination of the entire world, but more importantly of my girlfriend who suddenly expressed an interest in attending a live match.

So off we went to Lord’s on a humid Sunday afternoon for her first proper cricket match. Even before we had arrived at the ground, the questions began. Eyeing up the hefty coolers in the hands of those in front of us, the other half asked: “Should we have bought some food?” I assured her that the game wouldn’t last much more than three hours and we could maybe get an ice cream at “half-time”.

The heavy skies looked ominous but the weather held and the match got underway. My companion’s eye was immediately caught by Ed Joyce, fielding in front of us, who I was assured was “quite pretty.”

Seizing on this early interest, I informed her that he used to play for Ireland, then he played for England, and that he also used to play for Middlesex and now he plays for Sussex. This torrent of information was met with utter confusion, before a more decisive statement that Luke Wright looks like a cross between Michael Vaughan and Shane Warne.

The interval came soon enough. We went for a walk round the ground via the toilets, which got one of the biggest nods of approval of the day, and the tea and coffee stall which required a return trip after it became clear that one has to manually add milk to one’s beverage.

As the rain began to fall, I took a trip up to the impressive spaceship-like media centre using my press pass, leaving the ball and chain to wander back to our seats and watch the drainage system work its magic.

Behold the supernatural shininess of the Lord's media centre interior

Anticipating stern stares and soggy scorecards on my return, I smuggled a handful of bread rolls into my jacket pocket from what I assumed was the complimentary press box food table for us to munch on during the second innings.

When the match finished there was quite a long queue at the ladies’ toilets near the Grace Gate. It was gone 7.30pm by the time we got home and neither of us could be bothered to cook, so I sliced some mushrooms, put them on a pizza and popped it in the oven.

“That was a really nice day,” my girlfriend said.

And I agreed. It was a really nice day.

Send your match reports to king@kingcricket.co.uk – but don’t mention the actual cricket.


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  1. More Michael Yardy and Shane Warne I think. Am I the only one of your readers without a press pass O king?

  2. Are you sure it’s not that Sam’s the only one who HAS got a press pass and that you’re taking him as the average King Cricket reader being as he’s submitted today’s match report?

  3. also, if your girlfriend liked the Lord’s toilets you should take her to see the Dyson Airblades in the Oval toilets.

  4. What you mean you let your girlfriend miss the Airbladealike things in the toilets under the Mound stand?

  5. Ah the airblades, even if the cricket is rubbish at the Oval, and the bar queues are absurd, and it rains, at least you have the airblades…

  6. Wonderful article, but the problem here, sam, is that you haven’t told us which toilets met your girlfriend’s approval. Lord’s toilets very enormously in style and quality.

    My giirlfriend, Daisy, is very particular about her choice of toilets. Daisy tends to choose the ones between the North Gate and the Grandstand, but I think that might be a convenience thing. (Couldn’t resist it).

  7. if you ever get up to the upper tier of the Grand Stand, the toilets there are great. Proper hand soap and lotion in pump-dispensers.

  8. I’ve read the “match report” and all the comments but – perhaps I missed it – there didn’t seem to be anything about the cricket match.

    There’s a lot here on lavatorial arrangements, I’ll grant you. but as I have an impressively long urethra (so my surgeon told me) this is information that I’ll probably never need during a Twenty20 match.

  9. Yup, you also get the proper liquid soap in pump-dispensers in those Allen Stand loos, which are I think the ones Sam is referring to. Usually the most convenient conveniences for me (the men’s equivalent I mean of course).

    Another personal favourite of mine is the “loo with a view” on the Warner mezzanine. I have probably only witnessed half a dozen or so balls from there in my time, but can boast a six and a wicket amongst those

  10. I had a remarkably similar experience with my girlfriend watching Middlesex against Essex last month. She declined to comment on the abluting experience (airbladed or otherwise) but did seem quite enamoured with Chris Silverwood’s broad chest. Like Tom Selleck without his moustache, she opined.

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