Middlesex v Kent Twenty20 match report

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Soviet Onion writes:

I returned from a holiday in Sri Lanka last week, and within minutes of getting home I did what I usually do after work and went through lots of pages on Teletext (does anyone else still do this?).

On page 354 I noticed upcoming cricket fixtures – the standout being Middlesex v Kent at Uxbridge. As I live not far from Uxbridge – and as I usually have Tuesdays as my day off – I decided to make that game my first experience of live cricket!

The night before, I decided to ask my dad if he fancied coming along, as he has been sitting at home for a while after having his appendix removed for no real reason. To my surprise he said yes, even though he has shown no real interest in the sport in my previous 28 years of life. I think he just wanted a few hours away from my mum.

I had to drive as my dad was unable to, due to big stitches in his side, which was disappointing as I couldn’t have a drink. I wore my fancy new Sri Lanka top which I paid over the odds for in Negombo as I am too English and unable to barter.

The place was not very busy, and we were not sure what a good seat would be from the options available, which included two stands and some chairs around the boundary.

Decided to sit on the chairs around the boundary, not in the big stand. We watched the players warm up by playing football and throwing to each other whilst wearing a baseball glove. I pointed out the England players to my dad. He hadn’t heard of them. I then had to phone my mum to check if my dad could have a beer. She said yes, so we both had one and it cost £6 for two pints of Foster’s.

When the game started, my dad laughed at the name Yasir Arafat who played for Kent. Justin Kemp signed loads of autographs for kids whilst on the boundary. Darren Stevens signed about two whilst on the boundary.

At the interval my dad had a beer and me a shandy. Still cost £6 though. I queued for a hog roast bap and they cost £4.50 each, which was a rip off, but I bought two due to lack of other options.

In the Kent innings we felt sorry for Eoin Morgan as he had to go from one end of the pitch to the other after every over. No one else moved much.

All in all a good day and next year if they return to Uxbridge my Dad said he will go again.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. First rate match report there Soviet.

    For one horrible moment, near the end, I thought you were going to actually mention the c***ket but I think you got away with it.

  2. Is Uxbridge much like Oxbridge? (i.e. full of clever types and not actually a real place)

  3. The Grand Onion Canal runs through Uxbridge but it’s a bit narrow for punting races

  4. Super report, Soviet Onion. I have referenced it on the Middlesex supporters’ site, MTWD. For those of you who can bear a report that actually mentions the “you- know-what”, surf here to see Daria’s excellent MTWD report, as well as my cross reference to good-old Soviet.


    I was there that evening and can vouch for most of Soviet’s comments, including the beer price around the ground.

    Next time you go, Soviet, try the Uxbridge pavilion where the beer is better and cheaper. No need to wear a tie and no-one has ever asked me for my membership card to get in. Perhaps they all recognise me there, despite the fact that I am an international man of mystery who writes pseudonimously……..

  5. Excellent report from Soviet – and triple tee hees to Ged Ladd for the link to Daria’s report. Do hope Sarah from Canterbury reads it – there’ll be PAHS!! resounding all over Kent.

  6. I read it.

    I sniffed rather than Pah’d! I was having a rest from pahing. I like to mix things up from time to time.

  7. Ahh Uxbridge. My new home from home. Couldn’t manage to be there last week whilst Warks whopped the posh boys though. Maybe i’ll manage it next time.

    Have I really found someone (a male man person) that I know more about cricket than? I assume there’s been an awful lot more reading up gone on before the first live time than for me…

  8. Cheers all!

    Wasn’t sure whether to write the report at first but thought id give it a go. And im glad it came out better then i thought it would.

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