Richie Benaud appearing on Channel 5’s Ashes highlights show but unfortunately it’s a no-go zone for viewers

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G'morning everybody

Richie Benaud is going to be on British TV this summer. He is going to be working as Channel 5’s analyst during the Ashes.

We’ve heard that Richie’s recent commentating has gone downhill a bit, but this role must surely be perfect for him and it must be perfect for the viewer too. There is no way that Channel 5 could muck this up.

Is there?

Matthew Hayden will be one of Channel 5’s commentators. To say that it’s questionable whether Matthew Hayden makese  any sense at all when he speaks is to talk up his communication skills to an unjustifiable extent.

The man doesn’t have his guff talking rated at 11 out of 10 for nothing, you know.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. It’ll be like Eddie Jordan on the f1. Useless but occasionally very very funny.

  2. Oh please your majesty, let your loyal subjects go to C5 to hear Mr Hayden’s so called commentary.

    For the comedy value if nothing else.

  3. G’day Matty. G’day everyone. Marvellous day for it.

    G’day Richie. Yes, Matthew Hayden thinks it is a marvellous day. Just the sort of day when Matthew Hayden wishes he was still out there doing what Matthew Hayden does best. You see, Richie, Ashes cricket is where Matthew Hayden was best able to dominate the exchanges and be the decisive outcome provider, especially in the primary engagement phases, and when the…

    You mean when the bowling was crap.

    Well, no, Richie. I think that what happened in 2005 and afterwards was that bowlers increased their output coefficients as a counter-measure against Matthew Hayden’s control of the game-space, match progression variables, functional mindset parameters…

    Sorry to interrput there, Matty, but you’re talking bollocks again. By the way, what are you doing with that microphone.

    Squatting, Richie.

  4. That betrays an unhealthy level of attention paid to previous words of the top-heavy lump.

    And we should know.

  5. Hey King, have you heard Anil Kumble commentating? Sounds just like Richie, the monotonous drab, but, just like RB, is very informative and doesn’t even come close to matching the decibel levels of Ravi Shashtri! So we have a successor to RB! All hail Jumbo!

  6. He’s been working on this 20/20 worldcup, and Jumbo is very good. Only ever seems to be on with Harsha Bogle though.

  7. He was on during SL/Aus (I think); while Kumble was off mike, Nasser was repeatedly taking the piss out of his array of “ones that go straight on.” Kumble comes back to the mike, and just deadpans, “Nasser obviously has bad memories of my straight one,” to rounds of laughter in the booth.

    Then he carried on with his unconventional technique of saying interesting things about the actual cricket. He’ll never last with an approach like that.

  8. Neil Manthorp and Anil Kumble on commentary with Jeremy Coney summarising then.

    You’ll notice none of those people is an ex-England captain.

  9. “He’s got all the evidence and all the skill-sets he needs,” Hayden said. “His humbling personality and how respectful he is are two elements of the baggy-green culture. He’ll be fine.”

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