Twice today we’ve heard that John Campbell’s nickname is Cannonball

John Campbell (via Sky Sports)

That’s often enough for it to be a fact, isn’t it? As a journalist, we consider the second instance corroboration.

The word Cannonball initially makes us think of three things.

  1. Ron Burgundy
  2. The Cannonball Run (which we thought was the greatest film ever for about a week and a half when we were around ten)
  3. The Breeders (And absolutely, absolutely not Damien Rice. We had no idea that awful song was called Cannonball until we were looking for the Breeders just now)

Let’s try and weigh up whether Cannonball is an appropriate nickname for John Campbell.

We reckon there’s two main elements to this: (1) the imagery and (2) the sound of the word.

We’ve no huge issue with the imagery. Cannonballs are round and destructive, so John Campbell ticks one of those boxes.

Sound-of-the-word-wise, we’re a little less happy. ‘Campbell’ sounds a bit like ‘Cannonball’ so you can see how this might come about, but we really can’t get past that M thing.

When we think about the word Cannonball in reference to John Campbell, we instead hear the word ‘Cammomball’ in our mind’s ear. This sounds like nothing so much as the bastard offspring of a Camembert and a Babybel.

Also – and regular readers of this website will be well aware of this – the correct pronunciation of Campbell is surely ‘Cam Bell’ (even if the person in question is not a “bottle-less get”).

In conclusion, Cannonball is an okay-but-not-great nickname for John Campbell.


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13 Appeals

  1. In a world where some people think it is acceptable to use nicknames such as Rooty, Broady, Woody, Stokesy, Woakesy, Foakesy…

    …Cannonball is OK.

    And in a world where processed cheese is ubiquitous, the bastard offspring of a Camembert and a Babybel is really quite an attractive prospect.

    There is at least one Camembert brand, Le Rustique, which comes in little wrapped portions a bit like Babybels, so I’m afraid you can’t patent that idea, KC.

    But I am wondering whether one of your regular, witty contributors should henceforward be known by the nickname, CamemBert.

  2. You bottleless get, Campbell. You dick head.

    • Thanks for tweaking my memory, Sam. Thanks for the link, KC.

      That vid is a gift that (once every few years) keeps on giving.

      Di-a-bollock-al.

      Meanwhile…

      …shuv-it up yer arse, West Indies. England is the best ODI side in’t whole world.

  3. O, KC, I know you’re a real Cuckoo…

  4. That was a lot of effort from Roy to end up on a net score of -3.

  5. Top notch verbage by the Cricinfo commentary team for the match. Of the 29 sixes in the match they used 26 verbs:

    battered
    manhandled
    humptied
    hoicked
    crunched
    smoked
    reverse-slapped
    goes
    mullers
    belted
    smears
    clears
    spanked
    walloped
    plonked
    boshed
    launched
    mow
    tonk
    beasts
    pounded
    monstered
    carved
    swung
    heave-ho
    blootered

    I’m struggling to think of a verb you can describe the act of hitting a 6 that they missed out on! A couple of nice ones for the fours as well, including: Flogged, nailed, pancake-flipped, slashed, pounded, and dumped.

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