KP’s magic watch harnesses the power of the sun

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This is the quite unbelievable watch that Kevin Pietersen wears.


You’ll never have seen him wearing it, because he doesn’t wear it when he does what he’s good at (cricket). He wears it when he’s being a normal person who’s in no way exceptional.

This is a watch for when talented people are being rubbish like the rest of us. It’s the timepiece equivalent of Clark Kent’s glasses. This watch is the very symbol of adopted mediocrity.

However, at least it is ‘fuelled by light’.

“Its revolutionary Eco-Drive technology harnesses the power of light and converts it into energy which is stored in a permanently rechargeable battery. It recharges continuously in any kind of light to run forever. Put simply, a watch that never needs a battery – simply unstoppable, like KP.”

Or alternatively: It’s solar powered.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. Also, if you wear that watch, you can surely become a master criminal.

    The police couldn’t catch you, as you are literally UNSTOPPABLE!

    Here’s to a new Christmas gift for Suave, and a life of crime!

  2. We actually did a mint caption about it being the size of a head and an unnaturally big head at that, but then we loaded the picture in the wrong place and forgot to add the text again on the second attempt.

    ‘The Citizen Eco-Drive – the very symbol of adopted mediocrity.’

    We were hoping we could get a job with the marketing department for that.

  3. What sort of name is the “Citizen Eco-Drive” anyway? Sounds like some Greenpeace initiative.

  4. What is it with high end “bloke’s” watches?
    Do you really need all those dials when in business meeting? Does one of them let the girl who gets the coffee know that she’s looking pretty?
    Dickish watch for dickish dicks.

    and Eco? Feck that, self winding watches have been about for a very long time.

  5. I stopped wearing my watch as it was increasing my carbon footprint … stupid coal-powered thing.

  6. He has an INTENSE look on his face there as though he is desperately thinking “The little hand is on the 10 and the big hand is on the two – so it must be, it must be . it must be … Jiss! Jiss! What is the time?”

  7. We got rid of our watch because not only did it use up earth’s valuable natural resources, it also stole.

  8. I have an unstoppable solar powered calculator. My dad gave it to me but I think he got it free when he changed his car insurance. Do you get this free when you open a bank account or something because I have to be honest, I don’t think I would pay any real money for that tacky, tasteless piece of shit.

  9. Also, he looks like he’s abaout to knock the crap out of it with that bat. Bet that stops it.

    And as my mum points out, solar power is all well and good until there’s a power cut…

  10. Is it just me, or is that a wing-collar that KP is sporting?

    Perhaps he’s making a statement about cricket’s Gentlemen vs Players past?

  11. Unstoppable, KP is?

    But he is not unstoppable. There are ten ways he can be stopped and he regularly gets out to one of them.

    So KP is, in fact, stoppable, in a variety of ways.

    Now I want to know the several ways you can stop a Citizen watch.

    And I’m also thinking thatmakes this watch more stoppable than most watches, as i cannot think of that many ways to stop an ordinary watch.

    And the battery dying is not really stopped in the way that “out” is stopped. You simply slip in a new battery and off you go again. It’s more like lunch, or tea, or even merely a drinks interval.

    I’m afraid those Citizen marketing people didn’t really think this one through.

  12. Brian, you get a watch like that free when you sign a marketing deal with Citizen.

    Has anyone else noticed that KP’s face always looks like it needs a good wash? Almost like his mam needs to give it a good going over with the corner of the dish cloth.

  13. A bit late to the party, I know. But my husband has a similar Citizen, hands always set to Zulu Time/GMT/UCT and he does use the slide rule bevel for calculations. He’s a professional pilot. As for KP, see Ceci’s comment above. 😀

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