Crowd-pleasing lesson number 468

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< 1 minute read

We know what you guys are like. The last thing you want to hear about after a fantastic semi-final is that fantastic semi-final. You’d rather wait at least 24 hours to hear what we have to say on the subject, until a point at which the emotion’s faded and you’re now more interested in the other semi-final.

We know what you’re going to say. You’re going to say: “No, it’s okay. You can write about New Zealand v South Africa if you want. We’ll tolerate it.” But it’s okay. We won’t inflict that on you. We’ll instead deliver the tonally-inappropriate offering you crave – a bleak piece about the pseudo-death that is a cricketer’s retirement.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. Guy’s: I don’t comment too often here anymore, but I’m worried about his maj, KC.
    Is anyone else worried about the rate at which he’s putting out these Mumbai Mirror pieces? He’d doing them at one a day! I know there’s a world cup on any every thing, but ONE A DAY??! I don’t think KCs regal cerebrum will take this over working. Perhaps he’s been kidnapped by the Times of India group, and is chained to a desk somewhere forced to write pseudo-witty pieces with only the occasional throdkin as sustenance.

    Have you seen how tired he looks in that byline photo these days?

    1. It’s sad to see yet another of the cricket fraternity lured away by the shiny shiny riches of the sub-continent.

      A dedicated window for Mumbai based cricket writing should be established in the future, but in the meantime his majesty ought to refrain from further journalism until a no-objection certificate can be provided.

    2. Quite right, Ne – we must help his majesty out.

      The Mumbai Mirror ought to leap at the chance of publishing pictures of cats looking indifferent about cricket, bats in unusual places or some such.

      Possibly even some of my match reports from halcyon days gone by, with my quirky, semi-believable cast of friends with their quasi-imaginary actions and sayings.

      It’s payback time folks. Enough of this “take take take” from KC.

      Followers: sharpen your e-pencils and get writing.

    3. As long as KC doesn’t start writing for The Australian and become friends with Malcolm Conn and attends his wine and cheese parties, I’ll continue coming back here.

    4. Ne, I had the same thought. My concern is twofold. (1) This deluge of articles is likely to be followed by a veritable drought. That might be OK for the fickle Mumbai Mirror readers, but what about us? (2) I hope KC realises there are about 93 INRs to the pound, otherwise he might be in for a disappointment when the cheque is cashed.

    5. Fortunately, having to deal with the bureaucratic maelstrom of HMRC, the Indian tax office and an Indian finance department means that we’ll probably never find ourself troubled by payment or exchange rates.

    6. KC, you need an agent.

      I’m yer man.

      They don’t call me “Mr 10%” for nothing.

      Mind you, 10% of nothing is…um…

    7. Funnily enough that is exactly what our existing agent has earnt from us.

      Yes, we genuinely do have one. No, there really hasn’t been much point so far.

  2. On that gloomy note, I’m still demanding (petitioning, really) for (an)other Afridi pseudo-obituary.

    1. We’ll see what happens when we finish this Mumbai Mirror thing. At the minute, we’re a bit short of time to do requests.

      Also, when have we ever done requests?

  3. That piece raises an interesting question: which current players will go into commentary, and which ones would actually be any good if they did?

    1. Not sure about a commentary stint, but you should really have a look at Jimmy Neesham on twitter (@jimmyneesh). Somehow seems to have avoided the compulsory media-training/partial lobotomy that comes with most sporting social media.

    2. Neesham was one that jumped into my mind immediately, but then I thought that his Twitter skills might not translate to doing commentary.

      There aren’t really many in the NZ team who I think might make good commentators: Williamson, perhaps, though he might be a little reticent. Peter Fulton seems to fit the mold, actually.

    3. Neesham also largely steers clear of using Twitter to have public conversations with team-mates.

    4. Kevin Pietersen seems to be a really good commentator on TMS. I find this odd somehow.

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