Semi-effective Australian plan SHOCKER

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David Warner suspects it's piss-easy to get back into Australia's top six

Okay, brace yourselves for this. Something Australia have tried to do has kind of half-worked. David Warner was dispatched to Africa to become a non-rubbish number four batsman and has just scored 193 against South Africa A. They were 46-2 when he arrived at the crease as well, so it’s decent preparation should he get back into the Test team.

England might need to pick a number four batsman as well should Kevin Pietersen not recover from calf-knackage. Hopefully that won’t be necessary, because we can’t be bothered thinking or writing about who might replace him and whether or not they’re the right person.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. Bit careless scoring all those runs in that game though – he’ll be over quota and due a run of low scores by the time he’s back in the Test side.

    1. If it was on TV at the same time as the test I would watch Bert’s game.
      Oh and Warner is a tool. There is a football club in Australia that famously introduced a ‘no dickheads’ policy and turned the club around. It’s sad to think that you would need it for cricket, even sadder to think it would be needed for the national team but something has to be done to change the toxic nature of the team.
      Given both Marshes are on tour with the A team as well it wont take too long before dickheads are dickheads and something happens.

  2. Meh. He’s still a tool. Wouldn’t mind seeing him dismissed by England’s toung all-rounder Joe Root.

    Oh and while I’m here, another link. It’s a piece about the Royal baby and cricketers’ middle names.

    Cheers and that.

    1. I sometimes mentally read cricketers’ initials as an abbreviated form of their full name, or I just kind of read their initials as their actual name. So TM Dilshan becomes Tim Dilshan, HMRKB Herath becomes Hammerkube Herath, IJL Trott becomes Eye-Jail Trott, etc. I don’t know if this is a thing other people do.

    2. No, Dan, they didn’t.

      Anne Cook.

      Jim Anderson.

      Second one’s not so good.

    3. I always love it when players’ initials accurately reflect their real names. DL Vettori is another. There are more but I don’t feel like looking them up. Maybe someday I’ll compile a list of what I read initials as. I think the worst is LRPL Taylor. I always forget his name is actually Ross and not Lurple.

  3. Last night I had a dream where Shane Watson and David Warner cheated in a school cricket match I was playing in. The duo represented every kind of a**hole I had the misfortune of encountering in high school.

    Somewhat irrationally, this helped quell the rising tide of sympathy I was feeling for Australia. Now I am back to wishing for 10-0 whitewash.

  4. Is it just me, or does anyone else imagine Clarke and Watson to be an Australian version of Newman and Baddiel doing their “History Today” skit?

    Ritesh – fascinating dream, and very pleasing that it’s kicked you back into the 10-0 camp. How were the Australian pair cheating? Ball tampering? Obstructing the field?

    1. See that 50 you got at Lord’s? That’s shit that is. That’s your mum’s batting.

    2. In the bizarre logic of dreams, they moved the crease forward about a foot and a half, and had run several short runs before being detected. While sledging them for this it did occur to me that the bowler also gets the advantage of an extra half-yard of pace, but my dream self continued sledging them anyway. Especially Watson.

    3. You see your 75mph bowling? Children can play that. They laugh in the face of your medium pace. They go like this: ha ha haha ha.

  5. 193 is never a bad score but Glenn Maxwell has made 155 not out in that same innings and I don’t think anyone would tip him to make the difference in an Ashes series.

    Oh and Fawad Ahmed has gone for 11 off the last over before lunch. That’s even less meaningful than 193 against a second-string attack but it is quite funny.

  6. More importantly, there are some brilliant first names in that South African side that bode well for the future of cricket.

  7. I hate to disagree with you, KC, but I think you have entirely missed the point of David Warner’s exile.

    When a cricket administrator says, “go away, make plenty of runs and then you can come back”, what he really means is, “go away, surely your head will be too scrambled for you to make many runs in a hurry, so we don’t need to take you back until the embarassment has passed”.

    Unfortunately for Cricket Australia, David warner, like yourself, does not understand the coded message in the instruction and has ACTUALLY gone away and scored heaps of runs. Now Cricket Australia has to make a decision during this Ashes series which I am pretty sure it was hoping it wouldn’t have to make.

    The ineffectiveness continues…

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