Australia

David Warner provides just about the blandest quote in cricket history

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There’s no need to make comparisons or to try and find something even less interesting. Let’s just appreciate these words for their exquisite emptiness and leave it there.

There’s been a lot going on with Warner. He’s been in strife, he’s been punished, he’s claimed his behaviour contributed to Mickey Arthur’s dismissal, he’s just scored 193.

Tell us about it Dave:

“I decided here I’d just come in and be positive from the start and when the ball was there to hit, I hit it. That’s how I played and it came off.”

After that, he made a really big – probably suspiciously big – effort to underline just how well he gets on with Shane Watson, both on and off the field.

Anyone trying so hard to be this boring really is serious about getting back into the Test team.

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28 comments

  1. Good to see him getting another chance; I really liked him in Tron, but he hasn’t had much to do since Star Trek VI. Must be getting on a bit, though, not exactly a forward-looking selection.

  2. Cricketer in not saying much of any interest shock. He’ll probably want to take the positives and put them under pressure.

    2. You’re following the wrong sports.

      Er, except for cricket. Cricket’s the right sport.

    1. Paddy Briggs is not someone you fuck with. Paddy Briggs fucks with you.

      Consider that a warning.

    2. Is Paddy Briggs one of your own alter-egos, KC?

      If he isn’t, surely someone like him should be.

      (Ged makes mental note to return to several pieces all over the net months or even years later and post scathing updates. It feels like the right thing to do at the end of a particularly frustrating working day. Can’t imagine why I didn’t invent that occasional hobby myself, years ago.)

  4. Reading between the lines, he’s basically saying that he wishes he’d f@@@@@@ nutted Joe Root and he’s looking forward to s@@@@@@@ on the f@@@@@@ pommie b@@@@@@@ in the third f@@@@@@ test at old f@@@@@@ Trafford. And something about 110%.

  5. BTW, regarding Warner’s undying love for Watson, I think you have missed the point again, KC.

    What Warner said was:

    “A hundred percent. I get along with Shane very well,”…

    We all know that 100% is no longer good enough. 120% is the bare minimum standard today, as has been discussed on this very site many times.

    That quote actually means “I don’t get along with Shane Watson. Nobody does, apart from Paddy Briggs, who is probably one of Shane’s on-line alter egos”.

  6. David Warner – known to be a good player of second-rate bowling but unable to take the step up to playing test-quality bowling, has now successfully proved he can play second-rate bowling well. So we have learned, er, nothing.

    Please bring him back. Pleeeeease.

  7. “I decided here I’d just come in and be positive from the start and when the ball was there to hit, I hit it. That’s how I played and it came off.”

    He is bloody ripping off Sehwag’s mantra of “see ball, hit ball”. Someone should sue him for being an unoriginal twat… and for that stupid mustache.

    1. “See ball, hit ball” is the stupidest saying. Firstly, when did we start talking like cavemen? Secondly, it is a simplification. Even Sehwag at his most aggressive leaves some.

    2. Also, what about when the ballisnt in the process of being bowled? Will Warner chase after a fielder, waving his bat like a loon?

      Yes. Yes he will.

    3. KC, I think you underestimate how strongly Sehwag sticks to “see ball, hit ball”: the balls he leaves are just those that he doesn’t see

    2. LMFAO.

      He has a batting average north of 50, so you can see how he might have caught the eyes of the Cricket Australia selectors.

    3. Also, of course, the last time they tried a random Ashton, young Mr Agar, he exceeded all expectations and Australia thus very nearly pulled off a surprise win.

      So the logic is impeccable. “We need another young unknown player named Ashton who might exceed all expectations…”

    5. Is there a thought here of asking 5 or 6 Sussex batsmen that arent James Taylor to generally grope around when Turner is bowling – let him get 6/20 or something and see if the Aussies are duped into picking him?

  9. You might note, btw, that Alan Turner is a one first initial man. So, apropos to yesterday’s conversation about initials, perhaps the Cricket Australia selectors opined “we also need a turner” and ended up with the veteran, A Turner.

    1. The Guardian now have an article pondering whether the Sheffield Shield is “behind Australia’s decline”.

      Two matches in. Two matches in!

    2. But THAT would not be funny st all Deep Cower.

      THAT would ruin my summer.

      None of us in our household are putting the cart before the horse. Daisy and I are still abstaining from Australian wine. Hippity is still sitting with his lucky Ashes ball throughout the macthes.

      We’re leaving nothing to chance.

  12. Meanwhile, to further contextualise David Warner’s impressive 193 against South Africa ‘A’, in the same match Dean Elgar scored 268 and even the keeper Thami Tsolekile (first class average sub 30, test average sub 10) scored 159.

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