David Warner is totally bossing net cricket

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< 1 minute read
Photo by Sarah Ansell
Photo by Sarah Ansell

David Warner says: “I couldn’t be hitting the ball any better but it’s just that the runs aren’t coming for me at the moment.”

In this week’s Cricket Badger, we point out that this runs counter to Temba Bavuma’s matter-of-fact observation that, “you can’t be playing well and not scoring runs.”

Warner is, presumably, crisply striking the ball straight to slip. In the next couple of days, he’ll get the opportunity to prove his ability to hit it elsewhere.

If there’s one kind of form we love above all others, it’s net form. A batsman’s professional life is bound up with events that are out of his control to a far greater extent than he’d ever care to accept. This leads to a necessary level of self-delusion that is far higher than a rational person would maintain and at no time is this delusion more apparent than when net form is cited.

The next development for Warner will either be:

  1. Scoring some runs – ‘proof’ that he was always in form
  2. Another failure, which he’ll chalk up as the latest in a lengthening list of aberrations

If you’re a batsman, run-scoring is the norm – because if it isn’t, what the hell are you doing with your life?


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  1. Are you sure that when Warner says “the runs aren’t coming for me at the moment”, he’s not referring to another aspect of touring India? Perhaps he’s been suffering all tour from anxiety related to the fact that he’s yet to go through the ‘Dehli Belly’ stage of the tour, whilst his teammates have now passed (ahem) that stage and are on to the ‘natural immunity’ stage.

    This is clearly the reason for his low scores.


    1. Unlike us to pass up an opportunity to make reference to the wild shits.

      We were looking forward to using the word ‘smeared’ at some point and everything.

  2. Word of warning – it only seems to work with cricket. My boss wanted to know why my productivity was so poor. I told him he didn’t need to worry as I had been working very well in practice sessions at home. I had formulated and implemented a plan for making my tea, which had been very successful, and my Catch-Up TV Metrics had climbed above 12 for the first time.

    This did NOT result in him saying, “OK, that’s fine, you just carry on practicing and I’m sure things will pick up soon.” No, if anything it has made things worse. He is now less happy than he would have been if I had used the more conventional “Because I need a new computer” approach.

    1. Stop writing comments on you favourite web sites and get on with some work for a change, Bert.

      That computer of yours is plenty good enough for now. When your productivity improves sufficiently that your boss believes that a new computer might be worthwhile, I’m sure that the new computer will be forthcoming.

      Stop reading comments too. Do some bloody work. You just don’t get it, do you?

  3. Ever written for the Nightwatchman, KC?

    Just bought Herding Cats. The Art of Amateur Cricket Captaincy by Charlie Campbell. Published recently. Looks like a good read.

    1. Just in case KC is too shy to ask you to review the book for this site…

      …might I suggest that you submit a short review?

      Sounds like our kind of book, if well writ.

  4. Kuldeep Yadav.

    SLA Chinaman bowling in a test match. Goody goody gumdrops.

    Four out of eight wickets so far.

    Kuldeep Yadav.

      1. I guess that when you are spending that much time out in the middle, there’s not enough time to get enough genuine net experience.

        There’s no substitute for actual time in the nets.

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