Trent Bridge Ashes Test climax holding post

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Because one way or another, it’s going to take us quite some time to make sense. We’re currently working our way through the many stages of tension, from ‘edge of seat’ through to ‘foetal and foul-mouthed underneath a cushion’.

Even once the match has been decided, we’ll still need some time to decompress, so there may be a delay before we produce any “analysis.”

Please try and avoid swearing non-creatively in the comments should you feel the need to use this article as some sort of depository for your emotions.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. gordon bennett :-O

    i was not impressed at being dragged out in the boiling sun (but for reasons that are not worth going into, couldn’t argue) with only one wicket left to take/49 to win. but now that i have seen the result, i’m glad i wasn’t listening live… i remember 2005 all too well thanks {{shudder}}

  2. Without the slightest exaggeration, this great victory is up there with the greats, along with:

    Nelson at the Battle of Trafalgar,
    Wellington at the Battle of Waterloo,
    Washington at the Battle of Yorktown, and of course Khalid ibn Walid at Yarmouk.

    I told you all to maintain your senses of composure, proportion and most of all, dignity.


    1. Does it match the Undertaker vs Yokozuna of the nineties though? That’s the real question.

    2. I had to Google “Undertaker vs Yokozuna” to understand what you were on about, Deep Cower.

      But, basically, yes, that battle appears to have the right combination of gravitas and dignity.

      Plus a couple of seriously big units. Bulk always adds something extra to an epic battle.

    3. I had to Google that lot too.

      I wonder if Peter Thornley, otherwise known as Kendo Nagasaki, is related to Michael Thornely, formerly of Sussex?

      I also discover, to my schoolboyish mirth, that Big Daddy’s real name was Shirley Crabtree.

      “Surely you must be joking, Big daddy”…”I’m not joking and don’t call me Shirley.”

      Why, in my mind, does this thread now seem to lack the requisite gravitas, pietas, dignitas and virtus? Probably because I haven’t had a glass of wine for over four hours.

    4. Deep Cover, I am betting that Australia would see it as a half step at most short of the Montreal Screwjob.

    5. Forgive me if this comment offends those amongst you who are lovers of wrestling, but reading up on the Montreal Screwjob gave me the impression that the matches are set up, merely for show, not genuine competitive sport.

      Perhaps I have misunderstood, or perhaps there is some subtlety to that great sport that has passed me by.

    6. Ged – During my early teenage years, I was a die-hard fan of wrestling to the extent that I’d collect postcards of all those guys and memorize their stats etc. I knew exactly how many inches Hulk Hogan’s biceps measured. I had my parents worried a bit. But you’re correct – they are all set up for show value. Now that I am older, I realize UFC is the only genuine combat sport, and have switched interests from Bret Hart to Anderson Silva 🙂

  3. I was woken up, it was 291-9. Given that it was also 5:30am and I had no particular desire to suffer another Edgbaston 2005, I went back to sleep.

    I wake up three hours later, checked the result and have now wandered downstairs to watch the repeat of the TdF.

    Today is a good day.

    If we’re talking battles (and given the day), I’d prefer future victories to be more on the scale of Crecy, Poitiers and Agincourt.

  4. So. Teams for Lord’s?

    England really should have gone for Bresnan this time, but I can’t see them doing so now because Lord’s is Finn’s home ground and he’s dangerous there. Going for Finn at Trent Bridge and then swapping him for Bresnan at Lord’s, and thereby getting the worst of both worlds, would be making the kind of admission of failure that England generally don’t pursue.

    And of course they should have stuck with Compton rather than Bairstow, and I have nothing but misgivings over Root, but I can’t see them dropping Bairstow now despite both he and Root having indifferent tests. I know Root is going to make two poor scores at Lord’s. It is inevitable (he is not an opener against Test quality pace and the new ball). But I can’t quite bring myself to say, drop him.

    Australia – Cricinfo is already hinting that Bird may be in for Starc. I thought Starc’s figures flattered him, but if I’m Australia I’d stick with him; he bowled poorly but England still looked uncertain against him.

    As for their batsmen, I can’t see them backing down on Warner and letting him take the field despite his lack of practice. And it might be unfair to Cowan to drop him after a match he spent mostly puking his guts out. But given that he has been, and may have been weakened, do you want him as your number three? I would say Khawaja for Cowan as Australia’s only change.

  5. ***PHEW*** Onions for Finn in the second test please. Finn will be round again but we need a bit of consistency.

    1. Tremlett’s not exactly on fire, Daneel. Seven wickets at 58 in his last four first-class games. The game before that he took 8/133, but that was against Derbyshire and at any rate it still makes 15 wickets at 36.

      I think Onions is ahead of him at any rate, but honestly, I would prefer Bresnan. But I imagine Finn plays and England might not even regret it.

    2. Finn for Tremlett is also a very good option. I just think that Onions is due a return, and whilst Bres/Finn are very good I don’t think either have been good enough or consistent enough in recent test outings.

  6. Okay, we had calmed down, but now we’re watching the highlights and we’re uncalming again.

    1. Schoolboy error. Hide under a blanket for another week or two. Then you can watch the highlights of this test with comparative ease.

  7. Bob Willis is making the highlights sounds boring. “It was stunning. Sensational.” But he sounds like someone’s just force fed him a wasp.

    1. You cannot expect any sympathy around here, Sam, if you are foolish enough to allow real life a look in during the Ashes.

      What on earth have you been thinking?

  8. bollocks! bullcrap & far-king hell!

    it’s more tragic that we got so close and lost. would have rather seen us spanked

    I don’t buy into this nonsense of we played well, showed lots of fight, big brass balls on our tailenders etc…
    it just glosses over our atrocious top order batting and the massive difference in wides & no balls.

    our top order batting has been useless & confused with the selections & positions of batsmen. far too many collapses in the last 6 years & shuffling of players up & down the order. if it wasn’t for rear guard heroics over the years, we would be at the bottom end of the icc rankings.

    most worrying is Clarke’s dismissals. Wafty strokes & not getting either fully forward of back in the crease, caught in no mans land. In his defense, he is due a poor series or two after his run scoring fest last 18 months. The sample size is too small, but I think his temperament is suited to coming in at #5.

    Watson is not an opener. He doesn’t rotate the strike or work singles. #6 would be perfect. But then he would need to bowl more and then he would breakdown.8

    1. Please repeat the first two paragraphs of his post. That echoes my feelings.

      And I sixth-letter-of-the-alphabetting loathe Stuart sixth-letter-of-the-alphabetting Broad, even more than I used to.

      And that Dour Northern Git Jimmy Anderson.

      And Straya need to learn how to use their sixth-letter-of-the-alphabetting reviews more wisely.

  9. and we were shizenhousen with our referrals. Haddin offers no real insight from behind the stumps, Watson always thinks he isn’t out & instantly refers it upstairs.

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