South Africa

Why were we going to write about Roger Telemachus?

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Anyone? Any idea?

We’ve been doing a bit of housework around the ‘back end’ of the site and while we were doing this, we spotted a draft of an article from 2011. It was entitled, simply, “Roger Telemachus”.

That’s intriguing, we thought, and so we opened the page to see what we’d written. All that was there was a link to Roger Telemachus’s Wikipedia page. We assumed there’d be some funny little detail in there, but there isn’t really. There’s: “In the 2006 English summer, Telemachus had a largely unsuccessful stint playing for Hornchurch Cricket Club,” but that’s not the kind of thing you base an article around.

We can only assume that Roger Telemachus’s Wikipedia page was once funny and no longer is. We’re pretty confident it wasn’t an occasion when someone’s inserted some hilarious lies and so it must have been an actual fact. Anyone? Any idea?

Maybe it was nothing more than that on the 24th of October 2011 we for some reason found the name ‘Roger Telemachus’ inexplicably hilarious.

DON'T BE LIKE GATT!

Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.

Coincidence?

Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?

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29 comments

    1. That’s a good suggestion. We’re not sure it’s correct, but we’ve half a mind we knew that story already, so if we really push ourself, we may be able to accept it and consequently put our mind at rest.

      Beautiful avatar, by the way. Quite, quite beautiful.

    2. I think that must be it. Older versions of the wikipedia page contain this gem:

      “Telemachus was also involved in what is probably the most bizarre stoppage in the history of cricket, when ‘calamari stopped play’. During a regional match in South Africa, Telemachus was bowling to Daryll Cullinan, who hit the ball for six, whereupon it ended up in the kitchen and straight into a pan of frying calamari. According to Wisden, “Daryll Cullinan hit a six into a frying pan. It was about ten minutes before the ball was cool enough for the umpires to remove the grease. Even then, the bowler was unable to grip the ball and it had to be replaced”.”

      Remarkable accuracy from Daryll Cullinan there.

      1. Surely you’d’ve written about Daryll Cullinan in that situation, though? Seems a little unfair for Telemachus to steal all the glory.

      2. Well done Ceci and thank you Mike. We now consider this verified.

        And Mike, if we’ve got a story involving a guy called Daryll Cullinan, who’s known for a number of events during his international career, and a guy called Roger Telemachus, who isn’t well-remembered, we’re going to brand that a Roger Telemachus story.

        Roger Telemachus.

        Roger. Telemachus.

        Roger.

        Telemachus.

        Roger Telemachus.

  3. I’m sure you were just amused by the homeric allusion, juxtaposed with puerility. As per usual.

      1. Mostly we’re here for the snob value of working out who went to a school good enough that they can get the Homeric allusions.

        Which is in itself pretty puerile.

      2. (And not just Homeric allusions of course, but the mathematics posts, and occasional outbursts of punctuation pedantry, come under the same aegis. Or the same cover. Or the same bracket.)

      3. I’d love to be able to say it was my schooling that made me such a know-it-all twonk, but I’m afraid it’s all me.

    1. Looks like The Cricketer have completely knackered up their website, either deleting all their own content or redirecting all the old pages to the homepage.

      We can’t find the piece on there. We’ll have a look later today and maybe if we’ve got a copy, we’ll upload it here.

      3. If you can give us the gist, we’ll maybe write something along similar lines but with far less passion. We honestly can’t remember what it was. Was it about wickets being moments of excitement which drive a match forwards?

      4. Something like that. Wickets are more interesting, can turn a match in a short period of time, are basically as much “the point” of a match as runs are… but can’t remember the specifics.

      6. Ah, brilliant. We’ll put it on here next week. Keep all our eggs nice and safe in this one basket.

  8. Thank you for the Badger, Your Maj(er). I hadn’t been following the LO series between Australia and India, because it was a LO series between Australia and India. So it’s nice to be kept up to date on Steve Smith being a prat.

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