Cricket lunch

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< 1 minute read

But what's inside the pie?We pretty much know the teams. We pretty much know the tactics. What we don’t know is what the two teams will be feasting on during the first lunch break and who will fare the better.

It’s common cricketing courtesy to clap the players when they emerge for the afternoon session, but that’s not exactly what happens.

What you are in fact doing is clapping the players as they exit the luncheon arena. You are applauding them for the stunning eating performances they’ve put in during the previous 40 minutes.

Of course the whole event takes place behind closed doors, but seasoned cricket-watchers can judge a player’s performance from the look on his face and the distension of his gut.

Any inside information on the day one menu will be gleefully pored over.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


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  1. A favourite enquiry of the players at Old Trafford is “enjoy your lunch, Freddie”?

    I once saw Flintoff go back for seconds during a C&G Trophy match, whilst Darren Gough sat in the corner, sulking about his dismissal.

  2. I presume then that Gatt always retook the field after lunch to a standing ovation (and several encores)

  3. No, expectations were higher for Gatt.

    Some say it was the weight of that expectation that affected his luncheoning career, but it wasn’t. It was the luncheoning career that affected his weight.

  4. I can’t say what they had for lunch but observed Mark Gillespie (who didn’t actually play) loading jam onto toast for a late breakfast on the first day of NZ’s tour match in Canterbury. I think it was raspberry.

  5. in sri lanka it used to be a big bad plate of rice and curry. hence the arjuna ranatunga’s, duleep mendis’s, and asanka gurusinghe’s of the 80s and 90s. those on the fringe had to battle for scraps, giving professional 12th men like upul chandana a chance to slip under the door rather than merely get a foot in it.

    i dunno what they eat these days but it’s clearly far less wholesome – explaining the lack of big hitters (post sanath J) and the disappearance of the professional 12th man. for shame.

  6. I saw Ramps in the Rose Bowl pavilion yesterday, after he’d got out for 17 in his pursuit of his 100th hundred. He was at the bar and ordered a sparkling water for his post-batting refreshment.

    No one clapped him when he went on the pitch later – he didn’t deserve it.

  7. Damn straight.

    Ramprakash always gets a huge cheer upon leaving the cricket field. This is in the vain hope that he’s worked up an appetite with his batting and therefore might finally fulfill his lunching potential.

    But always the mineral water. What a waste of a considerable talent.

  8. Do you think the players’ wives have take it in turn to make the lunches according to the rota during the summer tests, a là village cricket?

  9. Well that would explain why Chris Read was dropped from England. His missus must have over done the cucumber sandwiches in the pavilion and skimped on the fondant fancies. Nothing like a cricketers wife scorned I expect. I know mine is a forced to be reckoned with, but then I’m only 2% cricketer so far…

  10. Well, I used to have great sympathy with Chris Read’s treatment by the selectors, but not now, I can tell you! Cucumber sandwiches have to be the dullest, most characterless and taste-free snack in the whole bread-based food spectrum.

  11. Matt, Matt, Matt! Such rage.
    We all know you’re a man who likes his meat, but why so harsh on the cucumber butties? A bit of salad creme and they come out a treat. The cucumber it there as texture more than anything.

  12. Anyone else get done by the looks-like-chicken-and-sweetcorn-but-is-actually-tuna trauma that i suffer about three times a season?

    Maybe this is what Read’s missus did to Duncan Fletcher. I’d never forgive either of them.

    Geraint Jones’ missus used to label the sarnies, apparently.

  13. Oh my god the looks-like-chicken-but-is-tuna trauma, the pain’s just all come flooding back.

    Like an unnattractive wingman, the cucumber sandwich exists to act as a foil to the other, better sandwiches. That’s the only reason the other sandwiches allow it plate room.

  14. Glad I am not the only one… like mixing vegemite with marmite… talking of which – when are you going to answer our questions Miriam?

  15. Curry Cricketer, your comment got caught in a strange limbo and we can’t retrieve it. Sorry about that.

    You’re not being punished. At least not by us. At least not deliberately.

    Sorry again.

  16. I have it on good authority that it was in fact Ramprakashs lunching ability that has kept him out of the England team.

  17. D Charlton, I answered them yesterday (Wednesday) – go look!

    Although there have been about 5 posts since then (we’re a little too prolific at the moment) so you’d be forgiven for missing them.

  18. Ramps’ eating habits mirror his batting strategy – he prefers not to stuff himself with the first meal offering of the day; lulling the other players into a false sense of security by letting them stuff their faces during the lunch break. This ensures that they all make a beeline for the toilets during tea leaving him to gorge upon his favourite fruitcake.

    People think that his Bloodaxe nickname derives from his displeasure at a poor batting performance. This is entirely untrue – it was when budgetary constraints at Middx led to the tea ladies only providing Tesco Value Swiss Rolls.

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