How to get run out

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< 1 minute read

No, I'm not a sandwichWe nearly laid into England after their limp defeat in the first one-day international, but thought: ‘No. Wait. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt for the minute.’

What a waste of an update. England have only gone and played just as pathetically in the second one-dayer. Feeble total – check. Three spectacularly stupid run-outs – check. Losing with time to spare – check squared.

After Debacle Number One, Paul Collingwood said: ‘It just didn’t happen for us with the bat’. This seems to betray a huge misunderstanding as to the nature of batting. Batting doesn’t ‘happen’. It’s not some elemental event totally out of your control, like the earth revolving or clouds forming. You bat. You do it yourself. How it turns out is largely down to you.

And how did batting turn out today? It turned out stained and sickly and frightened.

We’re also interested to know how seemingly thoughtful and consistent selection over a period of many years has given rise to an international side where only the captain has played in New Zealand before. That can’t help.

New Zealand v England, second one-day international at Hamilton
England 158 all out (Alastair Cook 53)
New Zealand 165-0 (Brendon McCullum 80 not out, Jesse Ryder 79 not out)


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  1. Oh man, the rage I have today!!

    Ravi Bopara and Jimmy Anderson are my two voodoo dolls at present.

    Ravi for his shocking batting. He’s been out to a long hop and a full toss in two matches, and the fact that he ran out Cooky today.

    Jimmy Anderson, as he’s bowled 9 overs in two games, and he’s going at 8.8 an over, with NO WICKETS.

    Swann is slowly creeping up too..

  2. As a long suffering Black Caps fan I’m quite enjoying it. Especially given the way things went during the first two 20/20 games.

    Now I’m waiting for former Kiwi keeper Adam Parore to apologise to Jesse Ryder for saying he was to fat to play international cricket. If Ryder can continue to bat like that I’ll happily buy him a pie.

  3. That’s what I like about being an England fan – just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, it does.


  4. I suppose it’s to their credit that they are trying to make this overlong run of fixtures a bit interesting. I suppose.

  5. Good point Mims..

    It must be tedium personified, to have to see the same fellows in the opposition dressing room, for 20 odd games in a row.

  6. Obviously it would be better if the interest in the series could come from, I don’t know, some tense hard-fought matches with brilliance pitted against brilliance, rather than this display of all-round incompetence from a team which somehow manages to be less than the sum of its parts.

  7. I’ve been in Hong Kong for two weeks, and was quite excited to be coming back to cricket. Then I turned on the TV.

    I hate them all.

  8. It could be worse. England once played 9 out of 10 Tests against the West Indies in the early 1980’s (the one-off Lord’s Centenary Test broke the streak). Facing four of Marshall, Croft, Holding, Roberts, and Garner, nine Tests in a row.

    Australia once played the Windies in ten consecutive Tests.

  9. David Barry, at least Marshall, Croft, Holding, Roberts and Garner are pretty spectacular. Kyle Mills and Chris Martin are worthy, but it doesn’t really feel like much of a treat watching them turn their arms over.

    Plus, there would be no shame in getting thrashed by that West Indies side.

  10. “Plus, there would be no shame in getting thrashed by that West Indies side.”
    Yes, that’s definitely true. I was more replying to Suave who suggested that the players might find it boring, but somehow there ended up being two comments between us.

  11. I just watched the highlights. Reminded me of Jayasuriya/Tharanga at Headingley, except without the good England batting performance.

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