“I don’t expect tea and cakes with England selectors and coaches.”
So don’t go round to their houses. Come to ours instead. We’ll look after you.
We’ve got four different sorts of tea and we’ll make sure we get an even greater array of cakes in especially. We don’t really eat cake, but we know how important it is to some people.
There’ll be crisps and sandwiches and big hams on the bone like they eat in Asterix. It’ll be ace.
Then afterwards we can go out into the garden and play cricket with a tennis ball. You can be Brett Lee and we’ll be Rob Key.
Or maybe you could be Rob Key even. If you wanted.