Category: County cricket news (page 24 of 46)

How the ECB made its BIG DECISIONS about county cricket

ECB Bod: Right, okay. We’re here to sort out this mess that we call county cricket. First of all: what’s the problem?

ECB Fella: Well it’s too much cricket, isn’t it? We’ve commissioned 15 studies, asked the players, asked the media, asked the fans, asked this guy with sticks in his hair who was collecting cigarette butts and squawking like an angry bird somewhere near Trevi’s Fountain in Rome – they all say there’s too much cricket.

ECB Bod: Too much cricket, eh? Who’d have thought it?

ECB Fella: Not me.

ECB Bod: Okay, so have we got a plan. How are we going to tackle this?

ECB Fella: We’ve commissioned another five studies and asked players, fans and media, but we couldn’t find the guy with sticks in his hair.

ECB Bod: No?

ECB Fella: No ‘fraid not. I found some really old blu-tack in my drawer though, so I asked that instead.

ECB Bod: And was there a consensus?

ECB Fella: Oh yes, absolutely. They all suggested the counties should play less.

ECB Bod: Excellent. Sounds like a plan. How much less?

ECB Fella: Ooh, dunno. Shall we try and knock eight to 12 days off the fixture list?

ECB Bod: Yeah, that sounds about right. Eight to 12 days. Which days will those be?

ECB Fella: Christ, I dunno. We’ve already worked out people want less county cricket. Can’t we sort out the details next year?

ECB Bod: Yeah, why not. We’ll do it next year. We’ve done plenty already. Gin?

ECB Fella: Don’t mind if I do.


Rob Key and “ha ha”-gate

Rob Key’s on Twitter now. We knew we had to make contact, but we were painfully aware that we’ve spent the last three or four years being mental about him on the internet. This made the situation a little awkward.

We knew Rob had seen the greatest post of all time, so we asked him if he happened to have a website where he’d published weird pictures of us, saying it would make the situation easier for us if he had.

Rob said:

“Ha ha”

During a sleepless night, we considered this response at great length. It could mean three things.

  1. Rob thought we were funny and expressed this using the words ‘ha ha’
  2. Rob thinks we’re annoying and gave a shortened, sarcastic laugh using the words ‘ha ha’ rather than ‘ha ha ha’
  3. Rob was talking to someone else

After many hours of deliberation, we have decided that Rob thought we were funny. Furthermore, we have also concluded that we are now, unquestionably, ‘best friends forever’.

Despite our BFF friendship status, Rob isn’t following us on Twitter which means that hopefully he won’t see these demented ramblings (unless one of you grasses us up).

Finding out that we write entire posts based on the words ‘ha ha’ might cripple his interaction with us somewhat.


Robert Key and his health and safety wisdom

Sarah Comma Canterbury sent us these, ‘hot off the camera card’.

Ian Botham could learn a hell of a lot from this:

Highly visible and his whole head is safe and secure

Where Botham removed his helmet and opted for a low-visibility tabard, Rob Key has got everything right.

Rob Key is better than Ian Botham in every conceivable way. Can Rob do anything wrong?

Totally inappropriate shoddery - won't somebody think of the metatarsals

The answer is yes.

That is totally inappropriate footwear for a building site. What if someone were to drop a piece of scaffolding on his foot?


Nottinghamshire take the 2010 County Championship title

Nottinghamshire overcelebrate recording one bowling bonus point

By the broad blade of Tavaré that was exciting. The County Championship title was decided just as it should be – by abject Lancastrian batting.

Lancashire’s increasingly fragile top order allowed Nottinghamshire to record a bowling bonus point just in the nick of time. Nottinghamshire’s rivals for the title, Somerset, made the mistake of finishing early so that they could get to the airport. That must be annoying.

We weren’t supporting either side, but we’re happy for Chris Read on account of his raw deal. Also, having been runners-up two years running, the Nottinghamshire players might never have made it through the winter if they’d had to sit in the changing rooms with the rain lashing down while it happened again.


Yorkshire out of County Championship race

Beard of Amla! It is ABSOLUTELY going off out there in the County Championship.

Yorkshire have lost.

Repeat, Yorkshire have lost.

This means that Yorkshire are out of the running and it’s now going to be either Somerset or Nottinghamshire who take the title.

It’s like Ali v Foreman, only instead of Mohammad Ali, there are 11 men in white clothing and instead of George Foreman, there are 11 men in white clothing.

Also, instead of facing each other, they’re facing two different groups of 11 men in white clothing and rather than punching each other in the face, they’re anxiously looking at the skies and wondering whether that cloud’s a bit darker than that other cloud.

It… is… ON!


Last day of the County Championship 2010

Absolutely fuckloads of blue sky - they'll be out in a minute

Ears of Agarkar! It is STILL going off out there in the County Championship.

Despite a profound lack of interest among King Cricket readers and an equally profound resistance to the phrase ‘it’s all going off out there’ we are going to continue with our coverage of the climax of the County Championship.

Somerset have now moved into the lead through their ingenious tactic of playing cricket. Nottinghamshire really should take note of this.

The title might actually be decided by two captains cobbling together some sort of agreement for a run-chase – that or bonus points. Either way it’s a fantastically awkward way to finish and therefore perfect.

Hopefully, at the end of the day, we can all agree that the real winner was the weather and not cricket.


How to draw up a first-class cricket fixture list

Somerset are in the Pro40 final on Saturday. Their Championship match at Durham finishes on Thursday night.

Not wanting to spend five or six hours travelling the day before a one-day final, Somerset have opted to fly from the North-East on Thursday night. Their flight is at 7pm.

How does that work then? Well, they’re finishing their vital County Championship match – one that could decide the title – 45 minutes early on the final day. They were suppose to make the time up each morning, but that hasn’t happened.

Does anyone else feel like Real Madrid wouldn’t traipse off after 85 minutes of a deciding Spanish league match so that they could catch a flight to Milan for the Champions League final?


Yorkshire possibly make some sort of move in the County Championship

Ian Botham’s rich mahogany armpits! The BATTLE IS ON! It’s all frigging well going off out there in the County Championship.

It’s like if Christmas were made out of narcotics and was ALSO ON FIRE. It’s like dancing with a cobra while wearing a rocket pack that’s ALSO ON FIRE. It’s like racing a phalanx of ancient Athenian hoplites down a ski slope that’s ALSO ON FIRE.

In summary:

  • Nottinghamshire were almost fully rained off
  • Somerset were rained off quite a bit and managed to take two wickets
  • Yorkshire made some sort of a move, but it’s hard to know what kind of a move because while they did play some cricket, they didn’t do all that well, falling to 205-7

It… is… ON!


Will the County Championship come down to bonus points?

Graham Gooch’s moustache! The BATTLE IS ON!

Yorkshire need 209 to beat Nottinghamshire and it looks like they’ll make it. If they do, the table will look exactly like this going into the final round of matches:

  1. Nottinghamshire – some points
  2. Somerset – roughly the same number of points
  3. Yorkshire – pretty much the same again, give or take

You can try and work out all the bonus points if you want, but frankly life’s too short.

This is massively exciting and even the strong likelihood that the winner will next week be playing in the one place where it isn’t pissing it down isn’t going to ruin this for us.

Also, while we do understand the thinking behind bonus points, they should still get rid of them. If you actually have to write things down to work out how exciting the run-in to a major competition is, then the complexities are doing more harm than good.


What is The Point?

Bert writes:

I answer the question that’s been plaguing the world of county cricket all summer.

Allowing winter cricket since 2010

It’s a fan heater. It’s got heating elements in it.


Older posts Newer posts

© 2018 King Cricket

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑