Apologies to all of you in the match report queue, but we’ve for once decided to publish a report at roughly the right time. If you’re worried that we’ve changed, we’d like to emphasise that this step has been taken purely because we can’t be arsed writing anything today.
Following the result of the first semi-final, the four despondent Essex supporters sitting in front of us tried to think of ways in which they could pass the time for the rest of the day. Their team had been eliminated and their incessant heckling of the Hampshire supporters sitting around them had backfired in a rather spectacular fashion.
They therefore got stuck into the beers and came up with a cunning plan – ‘celebrity lookie-likies’. They awarded themselves one point each for a lookalike spot, but an extra point if they could get that person to wave back at them. This cheered them up immensely, and they threw themselves into the game with gusto.
“Frank Butcher!” cried one of them as a portly, balding and bespectacled gentleman walked back to his seat. “Rickayyy…get off my car lot!” he added as the gentleman looked up nervously. The beered-up celebrity spotter waved enthusiastically and was delighted to receive a tentative wave back. “Two points!” he screeched – almost spilling his beer in delight – before being upstaged by one of his companions, who had spotted a ruddy cheeked ginger lad a few rows below them.
“Prince Harry! Your Royal Highness!” came the cry – accompanied by an exaggerated bow – as the lad’s cheeks burned even brighter. He turned and waved (rather limply for a royal, I thought) but that was enough for a two pointer and the game was on.
During the Notts v Somerset semi-final, our stand was transformed into the pages of Hello! magazine with Kylie Minogue, George Clooney, Noel Edmonds, Billy Connolly and the bloke from the Go Compare adverts all spotted, although shouting ‘Cleo Laine! Give us a doo-be-doo-be-doo!” at Ryan Sidebottom failed to get the wave required for the extra point.
The irony was that the two actors who play the Weasley twins in the Harry Potter movies were sitting fewer than ten seats away from them and weren’t spotted once. Not sure if this is a reflection on the increasingly blurred eyesight of the Essex fans or an indication of the celebrity status of the Hogwarts pupils.
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