A reason and a half why England have already won the Ashes

Swing bowling

Give an Australian bowler the solidified lump of blancmange known as a Kookaburra cricket ball (which is used in Australia) and he’ll pound in and bowl at off stump until the batsman deliberately misses one to save himself from the boredom. Give an Australian bowler an English Duke cricket ball and his tiny automaton brain will buckle under the stress brought about by bowling with a ball which actually does something for more than three overs.

Bowl at an Australian batsman with a Kookaburra ball and he’ll line it up and spank it to the boundary all day, safe in the knowledge that each delivery will be as threatening as an underarm from your granny. Swing a Duke cricket ball past his outside edge and his legs will jellify and he’ll start muttering about witchcraft and ball-tampering before extravagantly leaving a ball which goes on to hit middle.

Jimmy Anderson

Swings the ball in and out from over the wicket or round the wicket. Puts it exactly where he wants it.

‘Yeah, maybe in May when the ball’s swinging, but he’ll get 0-200 in July’.

This is England. The ball always swings. It’s a wet country and a damp climate helps the ball swing. Cardiff and Birmingham are as wet in July as they are in May. This Ashes series isn’t even going to be competitive.

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12 Appeals

  1. you’ve jinxed it.

  2. The Australian team will be pinning your blogs up in their dressing room as we speak. Are you secretly a “canary yellow” fan just trying to give them added motivation?

  3. @Benno C’mon that’s just implausible. Even if the Australian cricket team could read, I can’t see them reading this blog.

  4. Unless the blogs come with pictures, I highly doubt the Aussies would understand them

  5. Pete, I think you underestimate the globally high regard in which KC’s blogs are held. Wisden even allegedly conceded it was the true cricketer’s bible. There is no greater voice on cricketing matters than KC.

  6. And I reckon an endorsement like that must be worth some free tickets for something at least……any London-based world T20 tickets or Ashes tickets will be gratefully received!

  7. King Cricket

    June 1, 2009 at 8:14 pm

    We’re held in such high regard by the cricketing world that we can’t find any tickets for all the other free stuff we’re rolling around in here.

  8. Excellent move there O king, pour scorn upon an Aussie’s balls.

  9. It’s all going to end in tears.

  10. Mitchell Johnson not coming? Or playing touch rugger with cricket balls beneath his feet?

  11. This is the kind of stirring, rabble-rousing nonsense that makes me shout ” Yeah. Yeah.” like that bloke with the long hair from the phones4u advert. Keep it up KC, we’re going to flippin’ murder ’em!

  12. Granny underarms? Not threatening?

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