The Australian cricket team has landed

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< 1 minute read

Impartiality is a worthy quality, but as of this minute our love-hate relationship with many of Australia’s players has clarified into a hate relationship.

There might be a World Cup before the first Test, but let’s be honest, this Ashes series has started. It began the minute our pensioner-skinned cousins landed in the UK last week, feeble eyes squinting to make anything out in the understated British light and whinging about the cold like the climatically-pampered pansies they are.

With that in mind, we’re renouncing level-headed analysis in favour of mindless defence of the England team, no matter what they do. It’s our frigging website; we can do what we want with it. If we want to be unjustifiably biased in our reporting, that’s our prerogrative.

Still, it’s worth remembering that this stance isn’t particularly heartfelt when Australians are getting unbelievably hot under the collar and making death threats in a fortnight’s time because we’ve branded Mitchell Johnson’s bowling ‘workmanlike’.


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  1. “You poms can say what you like, it won’t stop your cricketers being shit and it won’t stop our guys taking the series 5-0. You guys have always been shit and you’ll always be shit.”

    Just thought we’d save some people some time by pre-emptively adding that comment ourself.

  2. KC. That’s not a very convincing example of an Australisn writing. You’ve spelt every word correctly.

  3. As of this moment, I’ve declared war on my London cousin. Or am I supposed to say “geez, I’m now out to get that bastard Pommie cuz” to make you feel better?

  4. I notice you’ve spent a few weeks pushing round a minnow which always serves well to stiffen that upper lip.

    Stoke me a kipper, I’ll be back to gloat as we retain the trophy 4-0 , I never agreed with pigeon in that your weather is too shit for 5 result tests.

    Bring on the Ashes!

  5. Where does Mitchell Johnson hide his horns, Ceci? I can see where the other three hide theirs.

  6. Moses knows what he’s doing, although the expletive count’s sure to rise as the summer goes on.

    Ceci, we’re impressed by the pictures in the background.

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