Impartiality is a worthy quality, but as of this minute our love-hate relationship with many of Australia’s players has clarified into a hate relationship.
There might be a World Cup before the first Test, but let’s be honest, this Ashes series has started. It began the minute our pensioner-skinned cousins landed in the UK last week, feeble eyes squinting to make anything out in the understated British light and whinging about the cold like the climatically-pampered pansies they are.
With that in mind, we’re renouncing level-headed analysis in favour of mindless defence of the England team, no matter what they do. It’s our frigging website; we can do what we want with it. If we want to be unjustifiably biased in our reporting, that’s our prerogrative.
Still, it’s worth remembering that this stance isn’t particularly heartfelt when Australians are getting unbelievably hot under the collar and making death threats in a fortnight’s time because we’ve branded Mitchell Johnson’s bowling ‘workmanlike’.