Ask the ‘expert’: Is your genius as admired on civvy street?

< 1 minute read

As promised, here is the first installment of our new feature where readers ask delusional sociopath, Laurence Elderbrook, whatever question they want and he rambles on about himself for a bit in response.

If you’ve a question for the turgid buffoon, email us.

First up, Lisa:

Is your genius as admired on civvy-street as it is on the field of play? Does your bestial roar work as well in the boardroom as it does in the changing room?

In this age of flimsy paparazzi celebrity it would be cruel not to give us some insight into the life and achievements of Laurence Elderbrook when in bespoke Henry Poole three-piece rather than immaculate cream flannels.

Sometimes the truly exceptional are not appreciated in their own time. Fortunately, I have always made it my business to make each and every person who encounters me entirely aware of the full extent of my genius.

As for my achievements in industry, you should know that a gentleman never lowers himself to working for a living. I spend the majority of my time at my gentleman’s club, drinking gin and engaging in wagers with fellow members, all the while resplendent in my cream flannels.

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  1. Thanks very much for the reply.

    It was a pleasure to hear about Laurence Elderbrook the man. Even more, it is a relief to hear that you lead the unsullied life of a gentleman, untroubled by the recent financial turbulence.

  2. Pink gin? Gin and it? Gin and tonic? Gin and blackcurrant? Ginsling? Gin fizz? Gin and Sin? We need to know so we can raise a suitable glass to your exploits

  3. I’m wondering whether Laurence ever roars in his club.

    And can you hear Laurence’s roars above the volume of some of the more senior members’ snores?

  4. I always thought that pink gin was gin with angostura bitters and tonic.

    But I always thought that “gin and it” and “gin and tonic” were the same thing.

  5. Now you’ve gone and woken the teacher in me…

    Tonic or water can be added to pink gin to make a long drink but originally the gin was added to the bitters. Sailors took bitters as a cure for sea sickness and the gin made this a much better experience. Depending on how bad you were feeling you could have the bitters swirled round the glass and emptied out or left in.

    Gin and it is really a martini – gin and vermouth.

  6. Somehow, I can see the inestimable Mr Elderbrook sitting back in a Chesterfield, sloe gin fizz in hand, regaling all and sundry with his tales of cricketing excellence.

  7. Quite right, Jill:

    And of course there had to be a, didn’t there. But there was me thinking that it was an acronym for Indian Tonic.

    Daisy made me drink Angostura bitters and tonic (without gin) last time I felt a bit moby, but it made me feel even more moby. Perhaps we should have tried your Angostura Bitters and gin recipe – I’ll store in memory bank for next time.

    Anyway, cannot imagine Laurence drinking any of those, although a “James Bond-style” Martini cocktail might well be his bag. Shaken but not stirred. Bit like Laurence when cut off at the knees by a dreadful umpiring decision.

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