Laurence Elderbrook takes stock

< 1 minute read

Despite the captain’s promise following my moment of triumph, I was not called upon to bat at three the following season. In fact, I was not called upon to bat at all.

Having spent the entire season resplendent in my cream flannels on the wrong side of the boundary, I decide to take stock. I speak to Mrs Elderbrook about my cricket career and see what advice she has.

Mrs Elderbrook says I should take the hint. She says that if a team’s happier to pick a wooden barrel than me on the grounds that it can be placed at fine leg where it might occasionally stop a four then maybe there’s a message in that.

I say that she is right, that all the greatest players lose form and that it is how you respond that matters. I thank her for her subtle wisdom and inform her that I am going to go to Australia to play grade cricket. I will claw my way back to glory.

Later on, the lady on the phone tells me the price of a flight to Sydney and I take the only option available to me. I throw back my head and let fly a huge, bestial roar, after which I bellow my credit card details at her.

Mrs Elderbrook looks on with a tear in her eye. She admires my restraint. She admires me.

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  1. Bellowing credit card details is not advisible. That’s how credit card frauds are perpetrated.

    I like that wooden barrel idea as a substitute for meself next season. Wooden barrels can’t get ganglions ( from age-related inappropriate fielding techniques.

    When Laurence is involved there are always fantastic ideas to be picked up.

    Are we to learn more about Mrs Elderbrook this winter, KC? She must be a truly exceptional woman.

  2. Mrs Elderbrook opted not to join me on my quest as she responds poorly to jeopardy and suspected my exploits might ultimately have endangered her.

    In short, she would have diluted the boldness necessary for this venture.

  3. Is Mrs Elderbrook your wife or your mother, Lawrence? I think it should be made clear before we begin to construct a better understanding of your relationship with her.

  4. Your profuse apologies have earned you a reprieve. I was poised on the brink of delivering a reprimand just then.

    And although I feel certain you already know the truth, I will humour you by answering your question. Mrs Elderbrook is my wife.

  5. When I take stock I usually like to mash it up with olive oil and rub it over a chicken breast…

  6. Is there a possibility that Laurence might end up playing for England in the Ashes this winter?

    Laurence certainly is a most remarkable batsman. I doubt if the Aussies will have seen his like before.

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