Good day to you all. Last week, I, Count Cricket, attended Sussex v Nottinghamshire. Nottinghamshire won and so went to the top of the table.
The weather was good, so I protected my pallid skin by withdrawing to Hove’s toilets where I quaffed brandy from my thermos. Very pleasant it was too and I made many friends, including one chap who informed me that Matthew Hendrik Wessels had made 199 runs. Most people seem to call him ‘Riki’, but I will continue call him Matthew Hendrik – for that is his name.
Elsewhere, King Cricket favourites Steven John Croft and Paul James Horton each made a handful of runs as Lancashire’s batting finally elevated itself above rank incompetence and earned the county a draw against Middlesex; while Somerset beat Durham after George Henry Dockrell took 6-29.
Finally, Warwickshire beat Surrey thanks to a heartening innings from the forgotten bald wicketkeeper, Timothy Raymond Ambrose, who once squatted behind some sticks for the United Kingdom. His chief ally in the run-chase was Rikki Clarke, who always seems to get a mention in my county cricket coverage. Later on, I asked a woman at a bus stop the meaning of his ubiquity. In the ensuing melee, I lost a shoe.