India v South Africa at Eden Gardens – match report

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D Charlton writes:

When myself and the soon-to-be Mrs D Charlton were enjoying a holiday in South-East Asia, I realised that it was the India-South Africa second Test at Eden Gardens. So, I decided to try and find the score.

I’ve had previous trouble finding the score in Italy and Lapland, so this time I came prepared. I brought my iPhone.

I took a second away from finding spiritual enlightenment at Wat Phra Kaew in Bangkok, fired up the iPhone, and waited. It was then I saw the sign.


So I was being ware and I realised that my most valuable possession was my iPhone – and the temple was warning me away from its dangerously ambiguous scorecard. I did the only prudent thing in the face of such ancient, religious advice and ignored the iPhone.

Outside the temple, I still didn’t know the score. I thought I best ask someone. This one chap, in a smart cap, came past and asked if he could help. I told him I was looking for the score of the India-South Africa second Test at Eden Gardens.

He said, in perfect English, that his cousin was at the ground. He’d give him a ring and ask. He picked up the phone and started talking. It all seemed too perfect. And it was then I saw the sign behind him (that’s him on the left).

A potentially wily stranger

I made my excuses and left.

Later, bereft of any information, I realised that either South Africa or India or cricket was the winner. So, now in Vientiane in Laos, I decided to go to a victory monument – in honour of this great win. Here it is:

Okay for those who've had a victory in life

If King Cricket had a victory monument, we all agreed, it would look much like this, and the King would commission a helpful description underneath – much like this:

Monsters of concrete 2010

I also asked this Laotian pig what the score was. He didn’t seem too bothered and continued to look for roots to chew on. I have a feeling we may have chewed on him later.

Relatively indifferent

Finally, back in Thailand, I had run out of ideas as to where to find the score. And then, as if by magic, I saw another sign and I knew which website I had to visit:

We've actually got a bit of a cough at the minute

Send your match reports to and on no account mention the cricket itself.


  1. Okay I’m not sure I can ever submit a match report again that one was just so fantastic…. I feel like I was right there.

  2. You did very well to reject the iPhone, D. I’ve also found that new-fangled technology takes away the fun and frustration of finding the cricket scores, which is 78% of the enjoyment of not watching a test match.

    It’s especially true when England are playing. I use a scale of expectations for worst-average-best when I am away from a source of information, set at 30/2 – 50/1 – 70/0 for each hour. So if England are batting, and I’ve been away for three hours play, I figure that the worst case scenario is that we’ve lost six more wickets and added only 90 runs. When I subsequently find that we’ve added 110 for 4 in that time, I am pleasantly surprised, and can go about my day with a spring in my step. Instant info technology just takes all that happiness away.

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