Matthew Hayden: the gift that keeps on giving

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Matthew Hayden - making life miserable since 1993Only the gift is a poo in a box and it keeps jumping up and punching you in the face, leaving you bruised and faecal.

Eventually the poo knocks you out, whereupon it steals all your money and forces you to dance naked in the car park at work in order to win back your clothes and cash – though not your dignity. You will never get that back. Never.

Matthew Hayden hit 103 on a pitch where tailenders are hitting fifties and India’s best bowler’s injured. You have to admire the way he takes advantage. No, not admire – respect. No, not respect – acknowledge. No, not acknowledge – resent.


Mike Gatting wasn't receiving the King Cricket email when he dropped that ludicrously easy chance against India in 1993.


Why risk it when it's so easy to sign up?


  1. And yes, we did see the Adam Gilchrist announcement. Do you think we don’t read the cricket news or something? We’ve only been doing this every day for two years. We’ll cover it later when there isn’t a match going on and it’s not the weekend.

    Sorry. We’re just in a bad mood because of the above.

  2. Quite right not to go overboard on the Gilchrist thing – many players really milk their retirements these days: announcement, last ODI, last Test, last 20-20, last match, comeback, second retirement…

  3. I now wish I’d recorded the footage of Hayden being hit in the nuts during practice. I’d still be watching it right now, on a loop, perhaps set to music.

  4. And the bastard has made a point of announcing that he’s not retiring any time soon. That was the only hope that kept me going.

  5. The Atheist, perhaps you could do an animation of the incident for the people who missed it. Set to the Barber adagio.

  6. Why is it that English cricket fans ( in the fact the English anything) are only able to see the world through their own back passage?

  7. Because that is from where the sun shines.

    We can appreciate Aussie successes from any of the other ten players currently representing the nation. We even quite like some of them.

    But not Hayden.

  8. Rusty’s funny.

    Matthew Hayden copping one in the nuts, is funnier still.

    Miriam, search Youtube.. It’s got to be on there.
    Unfortunately, it’s blocked here at work, but if you don’t find it, i’ll search for it tonight.

  9. Sorry KC, I can’t accept successes from “The Tongue”.

    That just makes me sick.

    I guess that his bowling is never going to reap success. so i’m probably safe.

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